Prepare To Be Shocked, Reduced To Tears Yet Amazed & Inspired
It was Kia’s 5th birthday party today and as much as they all had amazing fun, I am shattered. Its been a long day. It was up early this morning to start making sandwiches and the stress of worrying f I had bought enough food to feed 40 kids. I had and as always bought far too much, but [...]
My friends know how hard these last 2 and a half week have been for me. I don’t want to go into details publicly just yet as we have a long road ahead of us I know. It’s difficult when things “like this” as it leaves us questioning ourselves, despite none of this being my fault. Could [...]
The kids were eager to read the weekly local newspaper this week as we were featured inside. I have stepped right out of my comfort zone and opened up the blog to not only family and friends but to the whole community where I live. Will reading about my bizarre life and the rather controversial [...]
Standing in front of you I knew, I knew that if I said the wrong word, made the wrong sound I was in trouble. My arms instinctively provided some small protection from the baby; I was 5 weeks away from giving birth. The monster stood staring back, with such hatred in his eyes, growing at [...]
If someone had told me 3 and a half years ago that I would become inspirational and that I would go onto inspire others I would have laughed in their face. Today I was shocked to see my name listed in the Brilliance In Blogging Awards 2013, in the Inspire category. I felt humbled [...]
The pain was intense, raging through every vein in my body, it hurt, it hurt so much. In sheer desperation I raised my head and brought my face crashing into the wall, as the blood trickled from my nose, for that slight second the pain was gone. Only I knew it would return with greater [...]
This is the letter I found on my bed last night. I had somewhat of a stressful day yesterday and despite trying to hold it all together the kids noticed and kept asking if I was OK. I had stripped all the beds and washed and ironed all the bedding. I had made the kids [...]
I don’t remember when Lisa Bevan walked into my life, but it was a time when things were at an all-time low. I was trapped in a domestic violence marriage with three young children. I don’t recall having that first conversation with her about the abuse I was receiving, but I know how difficult that [...]
My world had come crashing down around me. I was on my knees, my legs could not take the strain, my heart was being shattered into a thousand tiny pieces and you were twisting the knife in deeper. My nanna had died. No illness, no reason, she just passed away. I was on the phone [...]
Living With Someone Who Has Mental Illness; Relationships Torn Apart We met online after I had escaped an eleven year abusive marriage, I was manic, no questions asked. I was suffering greatly from mental illness yet life was fantastic, but in the midst of it all it wasn’t. Not really. I had packed up three children [...]
Underestimating yourself is so easy to do when pointing out your faults come some readily. I do not look at others and wish I had what they have, materialistic items are not what makes me happy. Its what others can do that I can’t do that challenge my positive thinking and show me how far behind I [...]
Yes I look OK, yes I act OK. But you don’t see the fucked up mess behind the fake smile. I have no clue about who or what I am. I am a jumbled, mixed up concoction of fake and reality. If there is a Jekyll and Hyde then I am he. I am good [...]
Another night and I am unable to sleep, my mind is in overdrive despite my medication being doubled in strength last week. At my last appointment with my shrink, he made a note that I need to claim DLA. I explained I had claimed it it last year, was refused so accepted that. I did [...]
If I Am Diagnosed With Bipolar Will I Be On Medication For Life? This was the main question I had yet never dared ask. I was afraid of the outcome. I made it clear at the very first appointment I had with my community psychiatric nurse when we spoke about trust, as I struggle to trust people. While he [...]
So off I went to an emergency appointment last week with my CPN and psychiatrist I had been pretty manic for a number of weeks and showing no signs of stopping this rollercoaster. The CPN thought it best I was seen and so this appointment was made. I was rather enjoying my mania episode and the spoil sports decided [...]
I am so very proud of myself. Usually I dread when the kids get invited to birthday parties as I know my anxiety normally means I make excuses to why they can not go. But this time I thought come on Emma, your working so hard and you can do this and I did it. [...]
OK OK so I screwed up, yes I know I have done it again. I stopped taking my meds as I thought I was doing quite well without them and yes I was until the front door opened yesterday yet nobody else saw it open. The psychosis had returned as I have not been eating or sleeping properly maybe [...]
I’m exhausted, so tired and I am guessing our sleeping arrangements are proving they are the disaster I know they are. I take you back to 2 years ago when I was very ill. I suppose becoming mentally ill during my 6th pregnancy did nothing to help the anxiety and panic that would rise bile [...]
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