When I was pregnant with my son I had severe morning sickness, for the whole 9 months I was sick, day and night. I felt as sick as a dog 24/7. I tried all the usual tricks and tablets from the doctor but nothing worked. Because I could keep water down, the doctors didn’t take me seriously.
In 2011 I wrote a blog post about having fallen pregnant and having an abortion because I had severe sickness again.
Last month I had another abortion.
I found out I was pregnant, two days later the sickness came. I thought I could deal with it. Me and my other half looked at prams, planned things and started going through our sons old clothes. But the sickness just got worse and worse.
My throat would bleed from throwing up so much and one night my throat became so swollen I had trouble breathing. I spent my days lay on the sofa trying not to move, sick bucket at my side.
My house got messier and messier. My son was getting bored and upset because I couldn’t do anything with him. I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with this for 9 months, and decided to have a second abortion.
I was lucky the first time, my other half fully supported me and was there every step of the way. Not this time, he hated me for a while, and I could understand why. He really wanted this baby, we’d planned things and he was excited. He called me a baby killer, among other things. But I closed myself off from it all, and became detached.
I knew what I had to do, and saw it as curing an illness. I was 9 weeks and 4 days the day of my abortion, so had to be put to sleep. I didn’t feel anything, I went and had the termination and went home. I decided that that was it. No more babies, I couldn’t risk falling pregnant again and having sickness again and having to go through another abortion. I said I’d just adopt and that was how it would have to be.
But now reality has sunk in, I can’t stop thinking about it.
The thought of never feeling a baby moving inside me, seeing a baby move in my belly or seeing a baby on the scan. I loved being in labour, knowing that I’d kept a baby growing inside me for 9 months, and knowing that soon it would be me pushing that baby into the world.
I don’t think anyone can put into words how amazing that is. Its the proudest moment of a womans life.
I’ve never excelled at anything in life really, except for being a mom, its what I was meant to do. It all came so naturally. I know it would be morally wrong to try for another baby, in case it ended badly again. But my heart is telling me I can’t not have another baby. I just can’t get it out of my head, and I’m jealous of my pregnant friends.
My best friend is pregnant, and I barely talk to her. I’m so, so happy that she’s pregnant, she deserves it more than anyone. But I don’t want to talk about babies. I’m being selfish and I’m not being a good friend to her. She might read this, and she’ll know I’ve written it, so I just want to tell her I’m sorry, I’m not being much of a best friend.
There are so many women out there who sail through their pregnancies, and then don’t look after their children. I get angry and think why me? Why can’t my body cope with pregnancy, when I’d cherish another child. Why can’t those unfit mothers have a body that doesn’t cope with pregnancy. Its not fair.
People always say follow your heart, my heart breaks at the thought of not having another baby. It tears me apart. But should I? Should I really risk it? I just don’t know what to do.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is either a member of my Facebook mums group, a Twitter follower or has been submitted to me via email. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me. You could help us share the blogs love to helping others by sharing via the social sharing buttons.
About The Real Supermum
I say dnt risk it if your gnna end up having another abortion… Hugs x
I had morning sickness through both my pregnacies i had it bad to the point i was in n out of hospital 3-5 times during my pregnancys i understand that feeling of it not going i dont think i could have had a abortion ur a brave lady for posting xx
Abortion Due To Morning Sickness; Should I Risk Another Baby? http://t.co/JWe2wqa4
Oh hunni, you must be feeling horrific. You should go talk to your dr about your feelings, they should be able to look into things to help you im sure! Big hugs xxxxx
Abortion Due To Morning Sickness; Should I Risk Another Baby? http://t.co/jfOQ3UE7
No, you shouldn’t risk it. There is no reason to think the outcome will be any different from the last two pregnancies.
Give it time, your know what to do.
Big hugs hun, what a horrible situation. Atm I don’t think you should risk it because there’s a chance your sickness will be back but only you know whether you could handle it hun xxx
huge hugs sweet, at the end of the day its your decision, i know that all pregnanacies are different but there is still a chance u might get bad mornig sickness again , ididnt get any with my lg, am currently pregnant again and ive had it quite bad this time around xx
I think you should speak to your doctor or local midwife before you even think about trying again xx
A mum has 2 abortions as she could not cope with morning sickness- she asks dare she risk another pregnancy? http://t.co/jfOQ3UE7
I’ve had HG with this pregnancy and I have never felt so ill in my life. Mine stop about two weeks ago, and I don’t know how I would have coped with nine months of it, but I know that this lot has put me off more children.
Only you know what’s the right choice for you and your family hun, but if you feel that the risk is too high then maybe you need to speak to a health professional about options and then make a decision from there x
Oh hun this could of been me who had written this I suffered terribly with hyperemisis with my first pregnancy and was so bad with it for the whole 9 months I then got pregnant 2 years later and suffered badly for the first 12 weeks drs threatened me with hospital again and I made my throat bleed by being sick that often I started to get really down I got meds from drs and after 12 weeks I started feeling a lot better thank god I’ve had bad days still and stil sick everyday without fail and I am now 16+2 really sailing thru it there isn’t a 100% chance u will get it but quite likely just the question is could u cope with it again? Xx ps hyperemisis is something not a lot of people understand and have heard of but it is an awful thing to suffer from xx
Hugs <3 Only you know what's best for you huni
It is your body at the end of the day hun, I wouldn’t risk it just yet , maybe wait a few years til lo is more self reliant , big hugs , your brave for posting this xx
You shouldn’t risk it hun, give it time (hugs) XX
I wouldn’t risk it ether hun having to make the choice to abort a baby is not an easy decision give it time xxx
only you know if you coould cope again with the server sickness again and only you know your body. I’d go see your gp as well about how u are feeling.
xx big hugs xxx
Honestly I wouldn’t risk it again. I would talk to your gp firstly
I’m sorry but this is disgusting. Your baby was not an illness you needed to cure. If you don’t want to deal with pregnancy, whatever that means for you, STOP getting pregnant. Why should your children have to die and your family members have to suffer that loss because you decide you can’t deal with it? You dealt with it once. Either deal with it again or have your tubes tied or ask your partner to have a vasectomy. To even risk it happening again would be so, so incredibly selfish. I know the people on this site are all pro-choice and whatnot but I can’t keep quiet when it comes to people have multiple abortions because it’s an inconvenience to them. Sickening.
i think your being very judgmental. do you know how she suffered? do you know what it feels like? no. so stfu till you’ve been there
may be seek advice from your gp first
Well done for posting this, I don’t think I would be able to have an abortion based on this if I’m honest x
I agree with Kate, couldn’t do it myself but each to there own xx
I agree w/ Chloe. This is disgusting. And I have debilitating morning sickness. Is it hard? Yes! I can’t keep anything down, I can’t work, and my throat feels as though I’ve raked broken glass across it. I also planned my pregnancy. It’s horrific that you would have 2 abortions because of morning sickness. And to consider a 3rd pregnancy, OMG?! You’re incredibly selfish.