“I am willing to work towards a good career and know it wont be handed to me on a plate, so why do I just want a relationship handed to me on a plate? Even though its something you have to work towards” asks a mum on my group today.
I wish I held the magic answer to smooth sailing relationships but the honest answer is, they don’t exist. There is no such thing as a perfect couple and relationships do have to be worked at and sometimes this can seem like hard work.
I know all too well how easily relationships that you thought were perfect come under severe strain and what with the added stresses of life, a once happy home transforms into a battlefield.
Working with such a large group of mothers I am reminded daily of the tasks ahead; there are children and a home to run while juggling a career, childcare and then the finances to name a few.
Is it any wonder so many relationships brake under the pressure of everyday life?
But there is hope
I believe the secret to keeping a relationship healthy is to be able to talk and this is where I see far too many relationships tearing apart at the seams all because communication has broken down.
If your feeling drained and wonder if your relationship has reached its end then maybe it has, or is it that you can not remember the last time the two of you actually took the time to discuss what each of you were feeling.
Nobody is a mind reader and unless you tell your partner why your upset, feeling down or ready to end your relationship how can they change or help you?
Arguing is part of a healthy relationship and disagreements can be good, they enable us to clear the air, so long as the argument is used productively to air your views and a compromise is made.
It is so easy to just give up, I know this all too well. When I am tired and stressed and the husband is driving me to new brinks of despair after leaving his jeans on the bathroom floor for the hundredth time, despite me repeatedly reminding him there is a wash basket, I get to the point where I think is this it? I can’t take any more.
I am more inclined to ignore him than shout, he sure knows when he has done something wrong and sometimes has spent days guessing what my problem is. This would turn our home into an atmosphere that you could cut with a knife.
My own relationship has been under great strain, most of the time together. Having three children in three years, my husband taking on my eldest three children, me loosing my career to bipolar and then the bipolar itself. Our relationship has come apart so many times, yet at the end of the day he is my best friend and I know I can talk to him about anything, it was just the issue of actually being able to talk.
But I had to learn to talk. I had to learn that my feelings and views were important, just as his were and a relationship without respect isn’t a relationship at all. So instead of ignoring or shouting or sulking, we started talking.
I have learned its much easier to sit him down and say “Look this is what is upsetting me, your doing this or that and I don’t like it”. This then gives him the chance to understand why I am upset or so annoyed. It also gives him the chance to change before we battle. The same goes with him, when I annoy or upset him I would rather he tells me.
If you find it difficult to talk to your partner or feel that you can’t, then that’s when I think you have relationship problems.
Do you think relationships are hard work? Or does this mean the end?