My names Shelley and I’m a 21yr old mother to a beautiful baby girl. Reading your blog was like seeing everything I’m feeling written down. I was beginning to think I had schizophrenia or some social mental disorder. I feel so much better knowing what it is and where to go from here. I was petrified social would take my baby away.
I get angry or I’ll be completely calm, then get urges to hurt my partner and baby. I’m ashamed at the voice in my head that tells me ‘I wonder what their reaction would be if you do this…’ Because of that voice, I have dunked my baby under water in the bath to see what she would do.
It maybe for a second but I feel sick afterwards as she struggles to regain breathing as its natural for babies to hold their breath.
I’m evil.
But I don’t want any harm to come to her, as when she’s gasping I panic, pat her back, try keep her calm and I feel such relief once she starts breathing normal.
I feel like a monster when I see the panic and fear in her eyes.
I didn’t know what to do.
I suffered from depression from 11yrs old till I was almost 18. But I think it came back just before I was pregnant, with anxiety as well as I struggle going out. I didn’t know where to turn.
My daughter is my world, I struggled to conceive her for 2yrs and when I don’t have these urges (they rarely happen, once or twice every 6 months) I’m a normal happy mum and my baby loves me to bits as I’m caring, loving, protective and fun like a mum should be.
So I will see a Dr immediately. Nice to know its not my fault.
(This post was sent into me by email)
About The Real Supermum
u need to see a dr today hunni do not put it of and keep in contact with Emma and let her help u , big hugs but u really need to get this sorted n under control fast xx
you really need to get some help darling. x
I agree with angie, you need help and quickly.. social services won’t remove your baby as lon as you ask for help xx
I felt sick reading this:-/! Please go see a doctor hun before any danger comes to you,your baby or husband x
Emma will help you all she can, you are not on your own. Hope you get the help you need, you deserve to be happy and free of these urges xxx
You need to see your doctor straight away Hun x
Wow. I thik emma should definitley step in here. Just to make sure the girl does get the help she needs so her daughter doesn’t have to be harmed like that again. Poor baby
Please go see ur gp hun as I think u need support & the best place to start is your gp then they can point you in the right direction ring today get an appointment hun xx
Lovey, the things you’re feeling are not your fault. However, I would suggest seeing a dr as soon as heavenly possible and gettin some help. Emma is a great resource and a brilliant person to keep in contact with throughout this whole thing. You need to seek help, I implore you, before some harm (and I repeat it is not your fault that you feel these things, but please do not act any further on them!) should befall your baby xx
Darling u need help please please go to the dr xxx
Your not at fault but your daughter is in danger if you do not go and get help today go your gp or hospital any will be happy to see you Emma is amazing and will support you go now and get the help x
Please go get help. You really do need it as I know you don’t want to gear this but you are putting You LG in danger. Please talk to someone x
Sounds like your basically a loving mum but if u do sometimes act on these thoughts your child is in danger. Wot if u hav a thought to do something even worse n u act on it? It mite already b to late. Pls get help. X
Reading Your Blog Was Like Seeing Everything I’m Feeling Written Down http://t.co/ELHOTJtY
Please keep us upto date with how you are getting on.
I can understand why you think you will have your child taken away because what you are doing is wrong, I’m glad you know this and now seeking help.
Good luck x
don’t mean to sound like I’m being insensitive here but this actually turned my stomach when I read it!! I read it 3 hours ago and since not stopped thinking about the baby!! you need help hun ASAP!! Emma will see you right and be by your side the best she can and so will us mum’s but the problem needs addressing now. big hugs huni!! please update us on how you get on xx
don’t mean to sound like I’m being insensitive here but this actually turned my stomach when I read it!! I read it 3 hours ago and since not stopped thinking about the baby!! you need help hun ASAP!! Emma will see you right and be by your side the best she can and so will us mum’s but the problem needs addressing now. big hugs huni!! please update us on how you get on xx
I think it took a immeasurable amount of courage for you to write to Emma and im glad that you did. Theres a big difference between knowing theres something not right and being unable to stop yourself acting on it and just doing it.
I dont think your a bad mum. I think your brave, and scared but relieved now that you have read things that tell you your not alone.
Emma set up this blog so that mothers such as yourself could come here and know what you feel, can be supported and helped.
Please keep talking to Emma and go to the dr. Use your courage to find your words to explain it and know that while your doing it your saving yourself.
Be proud of yourself for this post, and goodluck.
I hope it all changes for you quickly so you feel better and more like what you really are: a mum who loves her child unconditionally.
Im so pleased you can see that your not evil that your ill. Get the help you need and dont be ashamed to ask for it. We all need help at times xxxx
And this is why u shouldn’t give up what u do Emma x
really hope things have worked out for this lady x x
Agree with Kate, you are amazing Emma! Hope this lady is getting the help she needs xx