When I first wrote my blog post – Anal Rape; My Scars Were Infected Where He Cut Me With Glass - it was a decision I made after thinking about it for a long time. I had never told anyone what happened, and it was sort of stuck in my mind. Sometimes even now it replays at night. But its not often.
Writing it down was like re living it and I dont like to do that as everything is so vivid and real still when I do. Writing an anal rape story is hardly easy. After I wrote it and sent it to Emma I didnt know what she would say. She had no idea it was coming.
Emma said one word.
That told me that it was going to upset people and shock them. Having been through it It hadn’t occurred to me how others might feel about it. I have never had to worry about it. I didnt go back to the blog post for months. I was too scared. Scared of being judged.
Emma reassured me I had lots of comments of support but I thought she was probably fibbing.
One night it came up as a suggested post. I took a deep breath and read some of the replies. I even replied.
A few weeks later I did the same again and the thing that stood out was that I had made people cry. I didn’t like that so I didn’t go back.
I spoke on and off sometimes with Emma about it as shes said its one of the highest commented blogs on there, and a obscene amount of people have read it and looked for it too.
Emma told me I should be proud but to be honest I wasn’t.
Today I randomly clicked on it and read every single comment. And now I feel very humbled that so many think I am strong or amazing. 78 people that don’t know me think I am something because I survived him. That shocked me and I cant let all that support go unthanked.
So to each and every one of you who took the time to read my story, I want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the shame away, and with each comment a bit more of my courage has been coming back.
I’m very humbled.