My mum and dad split up when I was 3 years old due to domestic violence; he used to have us at weekends when he could be bothered, but by the time I was 10 that became only when there was family party’s that he would take us to.
As we got into our teens I hardly ever saw him, we sometimes got cards through the letterbox but they got ripped up and put in the bin as we didn’t really care, after all this was the man that made my mum disabled from the beatings he gave her.
It was not till 2000 when my brother’s partner had her baby (it wasn’t my brothers baby, but my brother stayed with her as they didn’t know she was pregnant till after they got together).
The day my nephew was born my real dad told my brother ‘it was ok if the baby wasn’t his, and that he could bring it up, as that’s what he did about me.
My brother told my mum this and it took her 5 months and the full family knowing what he said before my mum told me the truth and yes it hurt like hell as I’m the spit of my dad (not that I like the fact) so that was it as far as I was concerned the man who brought me up (step dad) was my dad and I washed my hands of the man that gave the sperm to make me and that’s how it was till Easter this year (2012).
My step dad passed away 8 years ago and my husband’s dad passed away 16 years ago so my little boy did not have a grandad, yet my other two children did (their dads dad) and I wanted my little boy to know he had one
It took a lot of thought and conversations with both my sister and mum as if they said no to me getting back in contact I wouldn’t as I didn’t want to upset them as they mean more to me then ‘him’. But they said just go careful don’t let him suck me in with his lies.
So I got my grandparents number of my sister and with shaking hands rang it, my grandmother answered and it took her a few moments to realise who I was as it had been nearly 6 years since I saw or spoken to her. I explained why I was ringing and what for and yes she was delighted to know i wanted to see her son and asked lots of questions about me and my life. She then hung up after giving me his number and ringing him herself (to warn him/ prepare him) I was about to phone.
So I rang and he answered after 2 rings gobsmacked his daughter was on the phone, I explained that I wanted him to meet my little boy but he wasn’t allowed to meet my other two as they lived with their dad and their dad did not like him for what he had done in the past, which to be fair my dad took on board and totally understood.
He asked if he could come through and see me on the Easter bank holiday Monday which I replied yes. I made sure my husband was with me in case it got heated between the pair of us.
So Monday came and I must of smoked 20 cigs from 8am till 10am when he arrived bang on time, which in the past he was always late by hours.
I opened the door to him and he smiled and said hello I smiled and greeted him into my home , he lent in for a hug and yes I hugged back but it felt so odd and strange, bear in mind I had not had any contact with this man for 14 years.
My husband went to make a drink for us all and yes I just jumped straight in with ‘why did you tell my brother I was not yours look at me I’m your double do you know who much you hurt me?’ he said he was sorry and tried to explain and lied like hell I may add.
I told him the stuff he was saying about my MUM was wrong etc. so we agreed to disagree as I know and he knows he was trying to cover his own arse but that was my dad, that’s what he does.
He had brought all 3 of my children Easter eggs and yes he was great with my little boy. We agreed for him to come and see us again and up till now he’s not let us down, he’s bought birthday presents for me and my little boy and taken us both out.
I do feel like I am betraying my step dad by having this man back in my life, and I will never ever for give him for my childhood and what he did to my mum, which had a knock on effect to me and my siblings growing up as we had to look after my mum.
At the end of the day I let this man back in my life more so my little boy so he has a grandad in his life and so far he’s been a fab granddad and my little boy adores him.
Hand on heart honestly yes a part of me (the little girl inside of me) is happy I have him back in my life, just seeing what the future holds for us all now and I hope my step dad is not mad at me as no one will ever take his place.