I would hate to be my husband, a friend of mine or even a family member. I know all too well that I am not the easiest person to live with or be around, hell I don’t even like me sometimes.
I don’t mean to be off, sharp or rude with people, its generally never in my nature to want to hurt anyone, but the truth is I am wary about letting anyone get close to me.
Why?
Because I have always been let down, hurt or abused by those closest to me
Of course my children are an exception, I love them dearly
If I allow someone in, I am giving them an open invitation to let me down, hurt me or leave me , that is how I view people around me, always as the enemy
Hurt and abuse is all I have known, its difficult to accept there are genuine people out there who care for you
My nan was the only adult in my life always to be there, yet she died, she left me and im not sure I ever recovered from that. Something changed that day, perhaps that was the trigger to all that followed later, I will never know.
“We Build Walls Around Our Hearts To See Who Cares Enough To Knock Them Down”
I have built walls as a safety net, I can’t see them and I have to remind myself that I am working at taking that wall down, brick by brick
I surround myself with an invisible force which forbids connections getting through, if I don’t love someone then they don’t matter to me and therefore can not hurt me, was the logic behind it
Of course its difficult for my husband to have to deal with me, while I push him a way, thankfully he sees something in me that I don’t don’t. But he cares enough to try to brake through that wall and he has proven time and time again, he is doing it for one reason and that’s because he loves me.
Its taken me years to finally accept his motive, its been just as much an emotional roller-coaster to try to make him understand why there are days I push him further away.
Being bipolar as been a testing time for my husband, family and friends, while some have more or less disowned me, others prefer to take a less in your face approach and just pretend not to see me when they do. Not many stood by me.
I became a reject
Unwanted by the circle of friends who once would have spent time talking to me
And so I began to build a wall around my heart to stop it from being broken again and again but in the process of doing this to protect myself, I was pushing those who were worthy of being close to me aside
Its difficult to brake down a wall once its built, but I am trying
I have learned to forgive those who have hurt, left me or abused me. I had to forgive in order to move on. I forgave them for my own benefit.
I accept not everyone out there will hurt me, or mean too
Building walls protects us, offers us safety BUT it can also make us bitter and lonely
About The Real Supermum
We Build Walls Around Our Hearts http://t.co/rENydwBV
How Many Can Relate To This Post? We Build Walls Around Our Hearts – http://t.co/ABTKwvdT Scared Of Being Hurt Again
When I met my first boyfriend he play around and then when I met my oh I didn’t trust him for years didn’t let him in and then after a few years I open up to him and now I trust me 110%
This is like me with my bf :-\ because of my past I find,it hard to trust but he is amazing xx
I can relate to this so much
I really find it hard to trust anyone at all
I learned as a child to build a wall. I needed protection and my wall was my only safety. I tried to let people in as i grew up but they only showed me that i should have thrown bricks at their heads instead of removing them.
Inside my wall, my safe place its dark and cold and for the last few weeks ive felt myself retreating back to that place. I need to be there. Being in the real world is too hard. Nobody can hurt me there, nothing can touch me.
Im tired of being let down.
Im done with being hurt.
Im ready to just go to my safe place and be invisible. Im invisible in life anyway. Nobody would notice or care. And thats fine with me.
i can sort of relate to this the way i see it if no1 gets in u never get hurt but sometimes that isnt always necessarily true because even if nobody gets in people still manage to find ways of hurting you x
<3
I can defo relate to this x
I can relate to this in some ways. Letting people in is so had when all people seem to do is let you down and hurt you. But sometimes you have to let people in As hard as it may seem. Big hugs x
Well written, thoughtful and very brave post. I can even feel the walls as you write, almost giving the truth out while pushing away the reader from any feelings of pity. You sound like a strong lady dealing with something so encompassing. Bless you. Wish you luck and strength.
Thank you for your very kind comment x These walls can be hard to break x
i can relate to this, i put my oh through hell and i constantly push him away and “test” him though at the time I am not aware of it. It must suck to be him loving me. Hugs hun xxx
Big hugs, he obviously loves you very much xx
i can relate to this, n again it shows how much matt loves u
massive hugs xx
aww hun i can relate it this to hugs xxx
I can relate to this, your build a wall to protect yourself, love will naturally break this down in time =) x
I have built up a very high wall and it has become harder for me to try and knock it down a bit so I can see what is behined it and to just be happy. great blog xx