If you were following Friday you will have seen how the mental health team failed me. Hours after arriving home to the cancelled appointment I did receive a phone call and after I explained how I was feeling an appointment was made for today at 11.30pm.
Again I had to have a babysitter to come with me, arriving at the reception I knew something was going to go wrong.
My new CPN Dave has twisted his ankle and will not be at work until tomorrow.
Even the receptionist tuts and sighs, “another one slipping through the system” she says disgusted.
Some women comes over and I lose the plot “I need to see someone “I cry
She tells me to wait a moment, goes out of a door and returns a few minutes later clutching a little back file book. She asks me to follow her. I have no idea who this woman is.
She tells me she’s a STR worker; I still have no idea who she is.
She asks when I was last seen and I tell her about 12 weeks ago, maybe longer I don’t know. I can’t sit still and I pace the floor as I describe my moods over the last 3 months and how I feel right now. I prefer to walk when I talk, I hate to sit still.
I ramble and I ramble some more
Right now I want to punch someone because I’m sick of feeling this way
She tries to phone someone
That somebody is not there
She phones someone else, that person is there and she speaks
She then goes out the room telling me to wait, she will not be long
She returns to the room where I am now standing at the window
“We are going next door” she tells me
I follow her out of the room and until the room next door, what are we doing playing musical rooms?
Some big guy is sat in a computer chair on wheels; I think about swinging him around on it but decide not to. But it does look fun, the kids love it.
He is reading my notes, I was last seen by a psychiatrist in April, 6 months ago and he says that’s not good enough. Something about the family history of Bipolar, I had no idea I had a family history. He is also angry with the medication I was prescribed, I have no idea what he’s talking about but it seems the medication I was prescribed was an upper and a downer, an antidepressant to lift and then an anti-psychotic drug, he says these two should never be prescribed for my bipolar type.
I tell him I have Cyclothymic disorder , he tells me I have bipolar, I don’t understand, I thought they were just the same thing. He tells me he believes I have been given a wrong diagnosis and wrong medication, OK so what’s wrong with me then? He tells me I have bipolar and further assessments with find the form.
So now I have no idea what I have or what is wrong with me
He is making notes and he’s angry that he can’t get in touch with my original psychiatrist. He will leave him a message to phone him to discuss my management. It sounds posh, I have a manager.
All the time this STR worker sits next to me, I like her, makes me feel at ease.
I can see in her face she feels she has let me down. It’s the same women I told to fuck off on Friday, now I feel guilty. She had no idea I was so ill when she turned me away.
The doctor is speaking in words I don’t understand, he’s writing a prescription
This is what I have;
Sodium Valproate 200mg to take twice daily
I have to go for regular blood tests with these, something about they could poison me, great I think already been with a shrink that wants to poison me, at least this time this one is telling me that he might actually do that, I like this guy.
2mg Diazepam take one tablet twice daily, this is meant to slow me down?
So there we have it my morning in a whirlwind.
I have returned home and still really no idea what’s going on.
That women STR worker is giving me a ring later to make sure someone comes with me on Thursday, as I have a back to works focus interview.
I still feel pretty high and feel like I could do just about anything right now, she tells me that is not true, I am swinging in a mixed cycle.
I don’t cycle, I don’t even have a bike, but there we have it, that’s what’s wrong with me, I a mixed up for sure.
The STR walks me out to meet my friend, she smiles and reassures me they are there for me and even gives me someone’s phone number, no ideas who’s number it is, but hey I have got further in these last 2 hours than in the past 2 and a half years.
Dave will be in touch soon, oh I forgot about Dave, I tell her I hope his ankle gets better soon and she smiles at me. He’s a great guy she tells me, I will like him. I like Dave already, if he hadn’t been off then I would not have been given an emergency psychiatry appointment.
I am hopeful, things can’t get any worse right?
About The Real Supermum
Cant believe you told someone to fuck off! Go you!
I know it must all be dancing around your head like a weird game of twister but this could be such a positive!
If you were given the wrong medication then its no wonder you have been so up and down! When things are sorted you might want to think about doing something about that! They should not dish out meds without 100% diagnosis! Guessing is not good enough and has led to your mental anguish!
This new swingy dr sounds cool! You should always trust swingy chair drs, it shows they arent all stiff and stuff , more human and compassionate.
Take the meds, the new ones and hopefully they will level you out and your entire world will change! Can you imagine how fab it would be to know its not always going to be as manic as it has been? Dont let the script sit there emma, take a leap and take them.
I think this was a positive post! Its a good start! Be proud of yourself you did good xx
Hope your medication helps and you get the answers you need. Thanks for your blog and updates. Inspiring and helpful to others as always xx
Why is it things can’t ever be straight forward. It’s like something of a soap opera, these places. Hang on in there. And as for a wrong diagnosis?!? Well, I am shocked. These people who you find hard enough to trust as it is, just piling you with the wrong medication. It’s a joke! X
Im soooooo smiling right now
about bloody time too ! Well done chicken – at last some hope ! Xxx
Big hugs huni. Although things have been terribly hectic today it seems however you are on the right track FINALLY. Hope your app Thursday is better darling. Sending lots of love xxx
glad your finally getting the answers you have been waiting for. I really hope they don’t mess you around anymore than they already have!! your a survivor.. it won’t be easy but im sure you will overcome anything they have to throw at you. when your feeling down us mums will be there to pick you back up again!! keep staying strong chick an keep your head held high. big massive hugs <3 xxx
glad your finally getting answers hun and hope your meds help you… keep your chin up your a strong lady
xx
Well done you! Lets hope that things will get better from now and you will have the right medication and right diagnosis hun xx
Why do your posts about this always make me laugh! not at you of course! Maybe it’s just the sheer chaotic service, I don’t know what to do but laugh as it’s just so unbelievable what you have been through! Plus, your comments on liking the guy who has openly admitted he may poison you resonates with my own sense of humor and i have to smile there
On a series note tho, massive well done to you! firstly for standing up for yourself and kinda demanding to be seen, that’s not easy to do and for ‘having another go’…a lot of people may have given up by now but you’ve not, your a true survivor x
well done hun this all sounds positive for you finally getting some where so happy for you hun sorry you were wrongly diagnosed and given wrong medication but looks like this new guy and woman have really done their best for you today and i hope dave is as nice as the woman says and you really get on with him fingers crossed hun and well done again step forward for you xxxx
i hope everything gets sorted my darling, the only way is up it may b a climb but you will get to a happy medium x
go with the flow hun & things can only get better it all sounds very positive xx
Im glad you feel you’ve made some progress hun, hope you start to get all the answers u need and that you feel better on your meds x
FFS they’re bloody useless!
Glad you seem to be getting somewhere at least x
I’m glad u r getting the answers u have been looking for
Unfortunately this is where the system fails people because no one can get hold of any one appointments get cancelled etc however this does sound encouragingly positive that things are moving in the right direction now so fingers crossed and positive thinking it stays that way x
I’m glad to hear they are doing something about it all now and helping you..its a joke they have left you so long xx
so pleased you are finally getting answers
big hugs for staying strong through all this 
glad you got somewhere today hun, some things happen for a reason
everything in life happens for a reason hope u get it all sorted hugs xx
i feel awful for you that you had to go through all of this to get where you are today, but they say that things happen for a reason. just glad that you have someone who seems to care for you and wants to do right by you, just hope things looks a bit on the up for you now and you carry on getting the help that you need and should have got 2 and a half years ago. =) xxxx
well done hun glad you are now heading the right way xx
Fate, it was meant to happen like this so they finally can get you better. I have been thinkin bout you all day hun. Remember you have us here to rant to, talk to or just cry too, we all love you xxxx <3
Well done
glad too hear that you are getting the answers u need x
So glad it went well. An STR worker is a support worker, it stands for Support Time and Recovery.x.
everyones different but i really really was able to take back incontrol of my life with sodium valporate (aka depekote) for nearly 9 months I was actually able to hold down a job and lead a normal life. Then some plonker decided as he had an increase in patiences getting pregnant whiles having a contaceptive implant (which I had and it reduced the effectiveness) and it is harmful to a baby. I was taken off it so back to the bipolar cycle
I have the implant in …
check with ur doctor it cant be a high chance as i never got pregnant and when i looked on the internet myself it says unlikely to react and my cpn said he had never heard of it but my pysch said he had had a few women and it must have been enough to stop me from taking it. Dont panic tho
Im def NOT planning any more babies x
progesterone implant is the type it can sometimes effects it says it is unlikely to effect Oestrogen implant x
Yet again u have me in tears in public it is awful what u hav 2 go thro im off 2 gp because of my meds wil message u later x
I’m glad you’re finally getting somewhere but it’s taking the mick! sending big hugs hun stay strong
x
lmfao at the fact u told someone to fuck off haha that takes some balls and a hell of alot of courage GO ON EMMA
things can only get better chick…x x x
Glad to hear you’ve now being given the correct care hun!
x