Writing this is quite hard for me as I’ve shut a lot of my childhood out, for reasons that will come clear as you read my story.
For as long as I remember, my parents never had a normal relationship like my friends parents. my dad drunk a lot and spent a lot of time taking us to different bookies and pubs for dinner out, which my friends thought was great, not so much for us. He’d order our food and spend the rest of afternoon between the bar and gamblers.
We’d go home late and mum would be upset, as that wasn’t what she wanted understandably. When we were in bed the arguments would start and we would hear things banging off walls, weren’t till we were older we finally realised it was our mum we heard banging off walls.
She did her best to keep it hidden from us, she has told me my dad had been violent from the moment my sister was conceived and she’s 24 now. My parents split when I was 12, my sister 9.Nine years my mum put up with it. Working 2 jobs to fund his addictions, because if he didn’t have enough money for himself we’d go without or he’d sell our things.
I can’t really remember too much in detail of day to day life but 2 incidents will stay with me forever. The day my dad was arrested, I must have been 11 or 12, as it wasn’t long before they split. We lived in a block of flats with 3 bedrooms, me and my little sister shared a room and my dad’s daughter from a previous marriage was staying in the other room.
It was very late and we were woken up by screaming, we ran to my mums bedroom to see my dad raping her. My sister managed to pull him off, as we didn’t have a phone we had to run to the nearest pay phone to call the police and my big brother for help.
Dad had lost it, he had badly hurt my mum. When we got back my dad was climbing over the railings of our 7th floor balcony threatening to jump because we were disloyal and he hated us all especially my little sister. She was 8 or 9 at the time. We managed to pull him over after a lot of coaxing and my brother turned up.
Dad went back into the flat and battered my mum for turning his kids against him. The police arrived and he was taken away. Sorry it’s not more detailed, it’s still very raw to talk about, in fact Emma (Supemrum) you are the only people I’ve shared this with.
The second time was after this, my dad managed to convince mum to let us stay with him the night, we woke up at his flat and he was drunk. Walking us home he was bouncing off walls parked cars etc.. we arrived at the flat and he said he was leaving. Mum told us to go out and play. We spent the day t my friends, heading home and my big sister ran to us telling us we had to go to nans.. On our way there she explained that my dad had broken into the flat and beaten and raped my mum, and she was very ill in hospital. Turns out he was waiting for us to leave.
Dad was sent to jail for this but somehow managed to get out early, to do it all yet again. He then disappeared after taking me and my sister and crashing his car into a wall. Luckily we escaped with minor injuries. He was now a wanted man. He moved away but kept the mental abuse up, by ringing my mum constantly giving her verbal abuse.
We very rarely talk about it as its still hurts now. Myself my brother and sister were all victims of his abuse, although I got off lightly compared to them. I no longer have contact with him, as he used to ring me drunken and would verbally abuse me down the phone. He was told before my brother was born that of he carried on with the drinking he’d be dead within 10 years. My brother is 32 now. My dad has bad health problems that I’ve been made aware of from other family members, and at times I feel guilty that I don’t speak to him and that he will die alone. But I guess that’s from his manipulative phone calls.
The man deserves nothing more than what he’s got for the 9 years of hell he put us all through. Some scars won’t heal. I live every day dreading that phone call, and I honestly don’t know how I’d feel. I’m scared to turn out like him. He haunts my nightmares; yes I suffer with terrible nightmares. Which are more like terrors, especially when I’m worried about things.
This man has affected my relationships with my children as I struggle to show them affection. I always think if I do something “wrong” my husband will attack me. If I’m not in the mood he will rape me. I live my life in fear because of that man.
I suppose the success of it is, I have a healthy relationship, to a extent my husband doesn’t know my worries. I will not let him ruin my children’s lives too. So now to wait for that call.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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