Thoughts of self harm fill my head,its like a whirlpool of thoughts and urges
But I can’t,I must resist, my kids ask questions, my husband checks me daily, at least once. He thinks I don’t notice, he’ll eye my thighs in the bath, he’ll scrutinize my arms as I dress ,I know what he’s checking for and it hurts that he’s so paranoid. I made him that way!
Last time I self harmed it was particularly bad, I was desperate to ease the noises in my head but knew he’d find out. So I cut my foot, didn’t think at the time of the consequences, having to walk on it. It hurt, a lot, it felt good but it became infected and wasn’t nice. Hubby was cross, said I need sectioning again.
His words hurt, but maybe its the truth
I was cooking pasta for tea tonight, I watched the water boiling away and some spat onto my arm, burnt me
It gave me an idea
The kids were playing upstairs,nobody was around. I picked up the pan, held my hand over the sieve and poured the boiling water and pasta over my hand
It really fuckin hurt
But it felt good
The pain lasted for hours,second degree scolding, apparently the skin continues to “cook”
The blisters were horrendous.
I have to go back tomorrow to have them drained and re-dressed. I like the hospital ,not when I have to stay though.
And everyone thinks it was an accident and my children don’t question me and so the cycle begins, again.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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