Standing in my grans living room (dads mum), she reads the paper and her face drops she looks terrible. I ask her what the matter is, the phone rings it’s my mum, she’s coming to get me, what’s going on? I over hear them; my dad is in the paper he is bankrupt. That is the 1st of the things to come out. I never knew for years why my parents divorced but as I got older things came out, he had an affair and he got into debt we still don’t know where or how.
I remember my Mum went away, again I learnt later on she was admitted for an overdose and breakdown to the Award at QMC Notts. I visited, she seemed fine to me, why wasn’t she home. This continued for years on and off, she went anorexic, tried suicide again and had a CPN which I hated to the core. Why wouldn’t my mum speak to me at all, what had I done wrong?
I got on at 1st with my Dads girlfriend, she drank and smoked, brill i thought, she then tried to kill me and my dad with a machete (she was an alcoholic) my dad left her, my mum found out I had been going there she went mad, and then downhill again then she said what else he did. I’m not going to say it but it was real bad, not murder, but worse in my opinion.
The CPN had gone, the doctors didn’t care, neither did my mum, she continued to care for my gran who continued to deteriorate then one day I got a call, my gran had died.
My mum started getting even worse, tried suicide again, stopped eating but her and my dad became friends, not lovers but friends, they went out for meals, drinks, shopping, he stayed to keep her company etc., bought her to my house so she could sleep here for a break.
She was doing better but then one day the police arrived at my door, my dad had died from a heart attack and related COPD while driving a car on the M1, he died doing what he enjoyed, his job as a taxi driver but not just this came to light, he been seeing people in my mums house while she was at mine, plus again worse I won’t go into.
It started again with my mum, more suicide attempts, more starving, locking herself away, even more suicide attempts and they were real she took 100 co-proximal tablets so she meant it and told the crisis team she wanted to die. They discharged her despite her saying she meant it and would do it again. They visited her at home next day with me there and just discharged her? We went to her GP, they upped her medication.
Her shrink sees her every 6 months to see how her tablets are. She has asked for counselling and has been refused same for a CPN or PA. She writes on her calendar everyday she has had enough and wants to die, says I just don’t need her any more, has saved up tablets to do it again.
My Mum Wants To Kill Herself Yet The Mental Heath Team Do Nothing
She draws pictures (she is an artist) of herself covered in blood and bleeding as she has cut her wrists, she is paranoid people are after her and talking about her, refusing to eat, drinking more than usual, obsessed with end of the world scenarios like food shortage, riots and aliens.
I have spoken to her GP they do nothing; I have even told the OT she has stockpiled tablets and taken overdoses yet nothing. What the hell do I do?
Every time I leave her alone I don’t know what I will come back too, she has been sleeping at ours some nights, we have taken her on holiday with us. I go to meetings with her, visit her at home but there is a limit, I have 2 kids and a business to run…WHERE IS THE PROFESSIONAL HELP???
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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