I feel like I am wading through a mud filled swamp, my body is so heavy that taking just a small step is taking time and so much effort.
My body aches, I am lethargic and my mind is in an induced sedated mode.
After my 12 weeks of mostly hypomania daring to reach full blown mania, with the odd dip in between, the emergency shrink appointment on Monday made them take quick action; medications were prescribed for me to begin straight away.
I have never spent this long in hypomania before; the agitation became too noticeable to hide. I don’t think I did anything too bad, nothing out of the ordinary as such, that I am ready to admit to as of yet that’s for sure.
Let’s just say our bank balance is swaying in the red. The voices have been present for a few of those weeks and the paranoia and anxiety great.
Monday night I started the medications, all was well, I slept 9 hours that night
It’s now Wednesday and the drugs are obviously working, bringing me down, yet I feel like a walking zombie.
I miss the high
But this time it was different, I can’t explain it
The new CPN guy turned up at my door today, explained about the medications as Monday I had no idea what they were talking about. I need to arrange a blood test and then each month return for one so they can monitor the sodium in my blood stream.
I tell him OK, I’m no longer swinging from the lampshades, more like swinging from one leg to the other as I try to stand and I feel half dead and half alive. They have sedated me; I know it’s for the best.
I have a constant headache and I feel like I have done ten rounds with Mike Tyson, my body feels battered
I also don’t seem to have any emotion feelings, I am not happy or sad, I feel numb
Is this normal? I don’t know
I nod and smile in the right places, trying to use nice and intelligent words, on Friday I was shouting and telling his co-worker to fuck off. I am trying to show I am not that type of person.
He seems to be talking rather slow, wither that or I am talking to fast, I don’t know which is which.
He seems OK, he cancelled my back to work focus interview tomorrow and instead a telephone appointment has been arranged later in the month.
I will have weekly appointments now, I don’t know for how long, I also have his phone number, I don’t know what for as I won’t ever phone him
I also don’t know how long I will take these meds for.
I kind of forgot to tell them I fly off to Australia in less than 5 weeks… oops