Meet Lilly My Friends Little Girl
We live in a world filled with judgement and stigma and sadly children with special needs often fall victim to judgement which I feel is mostly down to not being understood. Like with mental illness, you hear a word and think oh no, lets not go anywhere near and lets keep our children away too, just in case.
I have a friend whose son suffers from a learning disability and is behind by approximately 6 years. While my friend is fighting to keep him in a mainstream school due to lack of support she is worried that he attending a special school would make him stand out even further.
I argued that he should stay in the school he knows; OK he will never meet the grades expected by the national average, but who cares. The important factors to me are that he is happy, safe and supported.
Why should he have to attend a special school because he has special needs? He needs an extra teaching assistant to help him in class, but is that a bad thing? I do understand her cause for concern about the possibility that he may be bullied because of this. I reminded her I was bullied severely for years at school and for no reason at all.
I have heard mothers in the playground at the other school my children attend, muttering how a child with special needs should not be mixing with normal children and it was a good job my sons football was in his bag as I would have loved to have thrown it accidently at them, on the side of their head.
What type of attitude does this project upon to our children? We are judging children here. The fear of an illness, a disability or a special need causes disgusting prejudice and because they are ignorant they form a judgement.
Why should our children not be mixing with every other child their age range, just because that child has an extra need, does not make them any less important and we should be teaching our children not making them frightened of something they do not understand?
“What is wrong with that girl” I remember my daughter, very young at the time asking me when we walked past a lady with downs syndrome. Rather than shrugging and avoiding the question I was able to explain in a very simple way. When I see school children poking fun at the residents who live in a house close to our own, that houses grown-ups with disabilities or special needs, my children are disgusted as much as I am.
I am very proud of my children and the way they accept others. I am proud because they are what our generation should be, so much needs to be changed when it comes to stigma of certain illnesses and disabilities.
Is it too hard to teach your children that we are all the same, despite what illness or disability we may have we all leave a skeleton behind.
About The Real Supermum
well said, if we treat them different then they WILL be different … lilly will be going to mainstream well up untill the bullying starts
x
I will be here to support you with all of that and I shall happily come into the school with you if anyone starts bullying!!!
a child should never be judged or treated differently, all they want is to be loved and have fun no matter if they have a disability or not. they shouldnt be treated any different from any other, least of all excluded. Personally i think its good for children to play with children from all walks of life and all backgrounds, these are the children that wont grow up to be judgmental – they will grow up to learn that all people are the same. Every child deserves the same as the next xx
I believe in a thesis called the self fulfilling prophecy. If people are treated differently, they will believe they are different and will become different. Unfortunately we live in a world where different is not always seen as good. I regularly work with those who have “special needs” and they prefer nothing more than to be treated as equals. Why should children be any different? Very well written piece, sums up my exact feelings xx
i dont think these beautiful children should be treated different they are just children with different needs & other children should not be kept away from them its not catching & if they mixed more maybe we would be able to avoid them gettin bullied x
My nephew suffers with a disability and has been lucky to stay in main stream schooling. He is surrounded by “normal” children and others with disabilities some with the same as him ( Cerebral palsy) and thankfully been accepted and isn’t pushed to one side. It upsets me when people stare and judge without knowing facts. If parents and grown ups can’t show acceptance and understanding to children with disabilities how do we expect children too. X
When my boys ask me why someone is different to them, I explain to them what makes them different as well as that we still need to treat them the same as everyone else. I dont make a big deal of it because it shouldnt be, differences should be accepted as a matter of course. My son asked me why a lady was in a wheel chair “because her legs don’t work the same way your’s do, so she needs a chair to help her get around.” His response “Can I get a shot im tired?” Had the lady giggling! If you accept and make it part of every day life your kids will to x
I’m a teacher. I agree with inclusion and I strive for each child to reach their full potential. Being six years behind must be very hard for this little one and cause in itself for children to be negative to them. Children are cruel. Every child deserves to be happy and feel safe at school and sadly although I would love for every parent to raise their children to look for how we are all beautiful, unique individuals, there are many parents who have disgusting attitudes and pass these on to their children. I also think that there is a huge stigma attached to special needs educational facilities. Sometimes I feel like it’s a double standard when parents with children who need the help of specialist places such as these do not want their child to attend and be like “THOSE” children. Three years ago I had a little boy in my class with schizophrenia and autism. I’ve taught many children on the spectrum, but this little boy was different and could not learn anything from me unless we were 1:1 constantly. He lacked life skills and wanted to be running outside, learning in the world instead of sat with a paper and pencil, frustrated and angry. It took me a year of struggling to get him a place at a school where he could learn how to interact with others and become educated in a more suitable way that could be adapted to meet his own needs ~ and this delay was all because the infant school before he came to me had decided to ignore his challenges and keep him there in the spirit of inclusion ~ yet he wasn’t included at all. He came to visit me last year, grown up and happy. He had a sparkle in his eyes as he told me about all of the things he gets to do at school, and he seemed so happy. His Mum was delighted.
Each child deserves to be treated with respect and according to their own needs; not used as a principle. Inclusion does work for some, for others it doesn’t.
I am a carer for adults with learning difficulties. I often take my children in to see them and both the residents and my children love this. My son is 5yrs and he walks in greeting each resident with a hug or handshake as does my 11 year old daughter my daughter will sit and read with them and my son only the other day was helping a resident paint one of his model aeroplanes that he makes. I believe that as a society we have come quite far as in most of my residents were put into institutes as this was considerd the right thing to do back in those days (my residents are all aged over 50yrs) however we still have a long way to go I believe everyone has the right to be in society and that includes mainstream schooling, everyone should get the same opportunities. This is a subject close to my heart as I see on a daily basis the effects of taking these rights away from people. It is the same with medication but thats a whole other subject. I realise that there are still small minded people out there but I believe that is through the fact that anyone deemed different to the norm has always been ‘shut away’ out of sight out of mind. For my children the residents are friends. I believe as parents its how we react that teaches our children. They take our lead from us
x
In the park the other week,my beautiful innocent son asked,in the loudest voice he has “why does that girls tongue keep poking out and she looks funny”,the beautiful girl had downs,I was still,however mortified by his questions! Isabella (the little girl) mummy called us over,she explained that Isabella was born with a special need and that was why she did what she did. My boy,ever the innocent,replied “but we’re all special,my mummy told me. Wanna play hide and seek Isabella”. Kids ask questions,they point out differences without meaning anything,I loved the way Kath (Isabellas mummy,we swapped numbers and now plan to meet again) handled the situation and how easily my son accepted it. If only adults were the same xx
I totally agree, kids with additional needs deserve to be in mainstream schools, not hidden from society. Children of ability need to be re-educated on the fact that children with additional needs are not different. They are all still children at the end of the day and that is what ignorant people need to remember.
Schools need the funding to be able to support all children. We all pay in to the educational system, so we all should get the same back. X
I wonder though if people are thinking about the child with the SEN actually being able to achieve their true potential in education, not just wanting other people to accept them in mainstream education. The whole point is that there are SPECIAL EDUCATIONAL NEEDS, and these needs have to be met. Very often the funding in mainstream schools is not adequate to provide this support. I would rather my child attend a school where they could be catered for, be happy and still take part in extra curricular activities outside of school. School is not the whole World.
Should children be exposed to other children with special needs? http://t.co/Kswg24NH
i agree children with special needs are treated so different and its a hurtful thing to see my cousin has a 9yr old daughter and still no one knows whats actully wrong with her she cant walk or talk and has to have her food inserted thru her tummy thu a feeding tube she has nappies as she has no controll over her bladder/bowel shes like a newborn baby and wasnt expected to live past 2 but each yr she keeps fighing my cousin had her house specially adapted and has her bedroom in the living room with the hoist ect amazingly shes 10 in march and were all throwing a big minnie mouse party but the way others treat her is horrendus parents wont let there kids say hi to her and push there childen awy from her or they stare and ask questions and touch her the one thing that she has thats the same as everyone else is feelings
also at my daughter nursery last week a little bow with dwarfism syndrome started but a few days before they sent letter home with all the kids explaining to us about the little boy and asking us not to stare or say nasty things as they have had to move to this nursery after predujuce at the last one its a sad world 
“@TheRealSupermum: Should children be exposed to other children with special needs? http://t.co/ErCza1f2”
All children have special Needs!
In reply to Sarah Jayne thats the whole point. Yes they have special educational needs and yes it costs money but if all children with these needs were put into mainstream schooling instead of into special schools the funding could be redistributed so there would be enough money
. All children have some kind of special educational need wether its more help with maths or something more involved. The whole point is all children should have the right to be treated the same no matter what their ability. How do we know what each childs potential is unless they have a chance to fulfill it. My infant school was next to a special needs school and once a week we would go for p.e in the school next door (this is going back 27 years now god I feel old lol) these children were often hidden away from society so most of my class mates had never interacted with them yet all the children got a great deal from this experience we all formed friendships and I can still remember it now. x
Vicky, I fully agree that all children need to be treated the same ~ and in the sense of education, that is, for me as a mother and a teacher, for them to be treated in a way that helps them to reach their fullest potential. Having visited and worked in a “Special Needs” school, in my case a specialist autism unit, I think that a great deal of people have severe misconceptions about what these school actually are. The ones I have had the pleasure of being in have been amazing, creative places with extremely happy children running their halls.
Education is one part of a child’s upbringing and I, personally, would rather my child benefit from specialist education and then socialise with the rest of the world out of school. I think far too many people are out to prove a point rather than consider what the child actually needs.
As for the money, it will never happen. Ever so far as I can see. There are cuts and cuts and more cuts ~ our school could barely afford pencils for its pupils. I am all for inclusion, so long as it truly is for the child, and not for other motives.
When i was in infants school, i went to school in a taxi with a couple of children who were deaf, and it didnt do me any harm, i actually learned to do some sign language, And then when i was in secondary school, there where a couple of girls in wheelchairs, and they where my best friends. Just because they have a disablity of any sort, doesnt mean they are any different. And now my boys will be growing up with a disabled nan x x
when children dont mix with children with disabilitys they become ignorant to the fact that they are just the same as them but just need a bit more help
all children should be treated the sam enad be given a chance to mix and see that not all people are the same to help teach awarness and compassion xxx
Mixing with children of different race, religion, gender and ability (I hope) teaches acceptance and understanding.
So long as the appropriate support is available for the individual child I think they should be supported tp go to a mainstream school.
But it’s not right for everyone. My cousin is severely autistic and couldn’t cope with the mainstream school environment. For her the best option was a specialist school. And as a result she settled and did really well.
Each situation needs to be looked at individually. I’d love to say yes! Send every child to the same school regardless of need. But it’s not appropriate for all x
My little boy is autistic and i am now at the difficlt stage of choosing him a school i have just started him in a mainstream nursery he loves it and although he will not interact with the other children i feel its best for him and on one of our many visits some children once asked why wont jack speak to us so in very simple terms i explained jack to them they listened then left him in his own little bubble by children meeting our special little angels this is the only way they dont grow up ignorant fools like some adults are. I hope to make the right choice for jack not sure where that will be but god help anyone who bullies my boy!!
‘exposed’!? What an awful way of putting it! Makes it sounds like they are dangerous! All kids should be allowed to play amoungst others and be treated equally!
I think they should, if they’re allowed to play with children with special needs they will see them as being no different but if you try and control them by not letting them meet each other than I think it’s just asking for trouble in later life. A child should never be judged or treated differently x
i think they should definatley and anyone who says no<, why shouldnt they?? everyone of us is human disability or not and no one should be judged children need to learn that there is some ppl in the world with disabilities and they need to see other kids etc who maybe have them to realise that as some kids can be cruel and bully others so its better to learn at a young age that things like this is normal xx
The stick people with a disablity have is disgusting I was on bus last year and 2 people got on and sat near me I got talking to them and the woman explained they both had disabiltys and even staff in a shop where disgusting towards them the things they told me made me so mad caitlans only young but I’m doing my best for her to grow up with respect for people with disablity just the same as those without they are no worse off then us and I take my hat off to them as to how they get on with things despite the awful things said about them my cousin died at the age of 9 and she was disabled and I went mad at anyone who called her and caitlan will know everything about her great cousin and how special she was xxx
god it makes me mad how people can judge my kids will never be brought up to judge i will always show them that no matter what everyone is the same weather its the tone of the skin the size of the build or weather the child wears glasses or even if the have a disability everyone is the same in each and every way every child is special in the own little way xxx
I think it’s disgusting when children with disabilities get bullied etc, they are the same as everyone else and should be treated the same as a child without a disability!!
I have brought my kids up to accept everyone no matter what they look like, I would be mortified if they every did anything to make anyone else feel uncomfortable I don’t see why people with special needs should be treated any differently. They should just get extra help when needed in a mainstream school xx
My 4 year old is going thru the diagnosis stage for autism, the judging is awful. At first people close to me saying there is nothing wrong with him, mainly coz he talks well, then you get the looks when out, if he has a tantrum or is hitting me. They just see a big boy behaving like a toddler, but they dont know he has the mental age of a 2-3 yr old, hes in nappies and is very agressive. I worked in a kids hospice for 4 years and the looks I got when out walking our beautiful kids we looked after. I see a delightful gorgeous child, they see what they look at as a freak and it deeeply upsets me. These kids are special and have fab personalities and I gain so much from children like this than mainstream kids.
this subject kind of annoys me, my cousins daughter has downs and people are either to affraid to go near her or speak to her like shes a baby…shes 10 withthe brain of a 10yr old…she understands alot more than what most people think, and shes probably alot more intelligent than me or you…my girls love playin with her, she usually dresses them up
kids with disabilitys are no different to anyone else just sometimes need abit more help than anyone else does. my sister has disabilitys and if anyone including my kids say anything they shuddnt i make sure they are set straight
I think many people are missing the point of the whole post. This child has a 6 year delay in learning. It isn’t about whether we should all be included in society; of course we should. But we all have the right to the best education we can in order to achieve our true potential. It’s all very well saying that “just a little bit of help” or “20 years ago I visited something like a SN school and it was like an asylum” or “I lived next door to a disable child, I was fine”.
Firstly, SEN facilities are fantastic these days and are NOT there to segregate children. They are there to help children adapt and fit into mainstream society. Children with special needs have just that. SPECIAL needs, that need to be met by people who are aptly qualified to help ensure these children become the best that they can. It’s not a case of “a bit more help” in the classroom. It’s not a case of money. Teachers need to be trained to teach children with particular needs and a lot of the time there are needs that cannot be met in a mainstream classroom , particularly with children who are autistic for example.
Secondly, if children who have special EDUCATIONAL needs do not have those needs addressed in the educational system, what happens when they leave school? Will you be glad that at least they have their friends? Friends who will go off to University and leave that child behind because they have not learned the skills that they needed to enable them to follow the same path?
Thirdly, school is not the world. Outside of school I know many children with SEN who partake in other activities and are happy. They have friends; friends with SENs and friends who are at mainstream school. Their needs do not define them, they are children in their own right and loved by friends and family just as you would expect any child to be.
I’m shocked that so any people fail to take this child’s needs into account and would rather rant on about how “these children” should be forced into mainstream schools where they very probably will not have their needs met and suffer educationally. I do wonder how many people who are venting about this have actually been in a classroom for more than a day.
Such a cruel world we live in
x
All children should mix together, I don’t ever see the need for segregation in a civilised society, Children aren’t born cruel, it is the attitude of the parents that usually cause children to be nasty to others. My son went to pre-school with a little boy who had Downs Syndrome, him and my son, were best friends and although they are in different classes now, they still talk to each other. If we bring our children up to be tolerant and if the help is available in a ‘mainstream school’ I think they should all learn together x
kids need to mix with all kids no matter what
All children should be able to ‘mix’ and play together. It’s children who don’t ‘mix’ with disabled children that usually end up being the ones who judge / point / stare later in life. Children with disabilities shouldn’t be pushed to the side and ignored nor stuck in the middle to be stared and laughed at, they should be treated like the other children (as much as actually possible) x
They may be different but they still are human children should understand that some people are different!! From disabled, race and religion! xx
Ny sister has special needs she turned 21 yesterday but has the mind set of a 3 year old my children are always round her they love their aunt sue and I wouldn’t stop them seeing her because she’s dissabled xx
well said , i think all children should mix regardless or race/dissiblity ect its how i was brought up n its how i will bring my children up , my nephew is disabled (hes13)n my youngest whos 3 loves playing with him xx
Well said every child is the same all beauiful in the own ways, they shouldn’t be treated diff because of the disability xx
Don’t think exposed is the right word but kids need to meet all kinds of ppl so they learn every one is different
Yes, having worked with children and seen a disabled child be taken under the wing of those more able than himself I agree 100% it benefits all those involved and I can honestly see no negatives to children being exposed to a range of abilities from a young age x
all kids need to mix with others
reanne has also asked me in the past. mommy whats wrong woth that boy?’ iv explained that all children are differnt and special in their own ways, but they still have feelings like everyone else x
Awful if u keep ur child from playing with a special needs child. I have 4children, 2 with disabilities different disabilities…. 1 is 6 and non verbal with sever autism, the other is 3 with bow legs, pigeon toe and flat feet so he walks funny… John is 4, while his friends say, what’s wrong with Harry? Why doesn’t he talk, all John can say is tistic, my kids will understand special needs…. My eldest is in a special needs school…. His school and johns school have been working together to understand Harry’s needs and explain to johns class why johns big brother is diffrent, as Harry has made a huge impact on his class as Harry is with me when I pick jog up, I would never stop my kids playing with anyone and I sure as hell hope if they ever saw a child playing alone, special needs or not, they would go and play with them or along side them xx