Before I became pregnant with my daughter I was running my own pub, I had been there 6 months before falling pregnant and there was only there for only another 20 weeks after falling pregnant due to complications with the pregnancy. I did go back to work when my daughter was 4 months old; I thought this would help me as I was suffering from postnatal depression.
I have always supported myself financially but working when depressed was not doing my mental health any good. My depression became worse and life at home was not good, my partner had become controlling and I hated leaving my new baby with him. I was scared to go back to work each day and longed to stay home with my baby.
I separated from my daughters father when she was 21 months old, due to him kidnapping her, luckily he didn’t get far with her an my daughter was back with me 12 hours later. After that incident I didn’t trust anybody to look after my daughter and wanted her with me 24/7, I had no choice but to go on income support.
I devoted all my time to my daughter, reading writing, colouring, playing and baking to become the best mum I could be for my daughter, after what we had been through. I was on income support then for 3 years. I didn’t go back to work till my daughter was 5, but I choose to work night times and paid a babysitting service to sleep at my home, my daughter didn’t know I was gone, as I left once she was asleep and got back before she woke up.
There are a few people out there who give mums on benefits a bad name and that is not the case for most.
I was too scared to work in case he ever came back and tried to get her again. I suffered badly with postnatal depression and I had to concentrate on getting better.
I didn’t choose that life at the time, it was chosen for me. When I did start work again I was only earning £20 a week more than what I was getting on benefits, but that £20 a week meant I could save and take my daughter on holiday. My ex had left me in a lot of debt which I had to try pay off and still am.
At the time I was claiming Income Support my daughter didn’t need me at home, it was more that I needed her near me. I do not regret the choices I made.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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About The Real Supermum
This is why no one should be judged for being a stay at home mum and claiming benefits. Everyone has a different reason for having to do it and if more people just stopped and asked why have ‘we’ made that choice there would be less tutting and eyebrow raising and automatically pigeon holeing everyone who is a stay at home mum. Thanks for sharing x
It’s sad to see how so many people are made to feel degraded and demeaned by not going to work. Being told that they are scroungers, ponce’s and shouldn’t of had their kids if they couldn’t afford them. Most of this abuse comes from similar aged women who work. And the same for people who do decide to go to work. People that want to make an honest living are made to feel like they are abandoning their children, missing out on important milestones etc . This abuse normally comes from stay at home mums. It’s swings and roundabouts. Either way you’re made to feel like crap. It’s no wonder so many mothers are depressed. In my opinion you do what you want to bring up your child. I ain’t going to judge. People should just leave one another alone. X
well done you it seems you made the right choice and i think i would have been the same hun xxxx
i dont think i would ever let her out my sight xx
no 1 should judge stay at home mums we all have are reasons. if people havent walked in your shoes they have no right to judge. i would of done the same thing chick xx hugs xx
Each to there own x
I think that ur a brave mum to go bk to work after what happened to u and ur little one i also think that mental illness is greatly misunderstood and think ur an inspirational to other mums x
Each to their own at the end of the day, who is anyone to judge? So what if you work or not? At the end of the day as long as your child/children are provided for, cared for, loved, happy, fed and have a roof over their heads isn’t that all that matters. Who cares how its paid for
i hate people who judge everyone has reasons for why they do what they do xx
cant stand ppl ho judge but must admit i was one of them at one point i really never understood how any one could get post natal depression and automatically thought it was hateing ur baby how wrong was i i never got this on my 1st little one but after my 2nd was hit bad with pnd i automatically thought no one could care for her but me and if any one else had her or even held her she would come to harm such a horrible to thing to live with and dont think ppl would fully understand unless they have been there and had it themselfs hugs xx
big hugs hun
you made the right decision for you and ur baby. big hugs
big hugs hun. You made the decision which was best for you and your child x
you did the best for you & your child hun good for you hugs x