I have received an email from a frightened teenage girl, who believes she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend for the first time, this young girl is only 14 and is looking for some advice and support.
“ Well I’m 14, me and my boyfriend have been together for three, nearly four months. Although its quite early in the relationship, we’ve talked about talking it a step further and talked about contraception we could use, but I’m scared about whether my mum would find out. Were both ready to, but I’m just unsure about whether its too early to have sex.
I’m too shy to talk to my parents about it.”
I have to start by reminding you that at 14 years old having sex is against the law, the legal age to participate in sexual activity is 16 and is so for very good reasons.
You have only dated this guy for 4 months, what is your rush to take such a huge step, so quickly? Are you afraid that he will dump you if you say no? Are you trying to act more grown up than you really are? Are your friends all talking about doing it and you want to fit in?
No reason is a good reason to have sex unless you are fully ready, that also means mentally ready.
You must have sex only when you are in a loving and stable relationship, with someone who respects you warts and all. Would you not want the guy who takes away your innocence to be the one you can 100% trust and who knows your deepest secrets and still loves you? How can you know this guy so well in only 4 months?
Why not wait 6 months? See if your still together ? Then talk about it again. This will give you both time to relax and just enjoy dating, have fun. If he really does love you then he will be prepared to wait 6 months, 2 years would be better. Also remind him that having sex with an under-age girl is against the law, you have not given his age.
Are you really ready to commit yourself to this 1 guy? How will you feel if this guy uses you, then dumps you, then tells all his friends? Please think seriously before you agree to anything.
Have you a family member you trust that you could talk too? Why are you afraid to tell you mum?
As a responsible adult and mother to a daughter only a year younger than you, I really need you to understand what a huge commitment having sex actually is and wonder if your ready to have sex, I think you know by emailing me what my answer was going to be..
So many young girls make the mistake of having sex at a young age, to later regret it. I do not want you to become one of these.
If you do decide that having sex is what you really want, then please make sure you use contraception, there are many varieties that your GP or local sex clinic can help you with and yes this is 100% confidential, they can not tell your parents.
Good luck and keep yourself safe but most of all respect yourself and your body and only give it to another when you know they are the right one. If I can help you in any other way, just contact me, im always around for a chat.
What Advice Can You Give?
About The Real Supermum
Nooooooo! Please don’t do it!
I lost my virginity at 13 and it was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.
Honestly sweetie, I think A LOT of girls would say they had wish they had waiting and I’m defo one of them
No one can decide for you though.
Please don’t let him push you into anything unless you’re 100% sure you’re ready x
As you are obviously unsure and asking for advice I would say that no you are not ready. Glad to hear you have discussed contraception responsibly. You do not say how old your partner is but at 14 having sex is against the law. Please give yourself a little longer to think about it as you can’t take it back once it’s done. Stay safe.x.
if your any way unsure dont do it, it is a big deal and you should be comfortable and know youd be happy with this decision for the rest of your life. only you know if your ready but if you are both happy with eachother whats the harm in waiting a while? making sure. i once was going out with a guy i adored, i was 16 at the time and a virgin, he would talk about having sex alot, i wasnt so sure, he dumped me and im soooooo glad he did! looking back on him i just laugh about him and was glad i didnt. when i did finally lose my virginity (i was nearly 17) it was just to get it out of the way and i wish i hadnt. sex is fun and it is special, make sure you are being treated as such.
NO!!!
I lost mine at 15, and even then i didnt really feel ready and i wish i had waiting. Fourteen is such a young age to be thinking about this, you have all off your adult life to think about this sort of stuff. enjoy being young while you can!
X
You’re way too young to even be thinking about this stuff! Like Emma said, what’s the rush? You are 14 years old. You’ll be an adult sooner than you know it and you’ll wish that you’d have waited till you were older and in a more mature relationship before having sex.
Wait another while. If he’s as nice as you say he is then he’ll wait for however long it take you to feel comfortable!
I lost my virginity at 14 & I regretted it so much I wish I waited untill I was older I’m now 19 just please pleaae do not do it unless your 100% sure it’s what YOU want & not what your boyfriends wants! All the best sweetie xxxxxx
i have a friend who got pregnant at 13 and i see the trouble she’s having Yeh she loves her son tonnes but the pressure is enormous and i was actually talking bout this with a friend last week and she had sex at 14 her boyfriend broke up with her a month later, i would definitely say you should wait
if you are questioning YOUR NOT READY ! me & all the mums on emma’s fantastic group will all tell you to wait were all mums we love being mums but if contraception failed hun your then faced with the decision “i’m pregnant & 14 wtf do i do ” and im pretty sure thats not some were you want to be yet hun .. Please wait if he thinks so much of you he will be happy with your decision don’t feel pressured were all here
Think long and hard about this hun, I lost mine near your age and although I don’t regret it I do wish I had of waited. If he is really in love with you he’ll wait until you are 100% ready, if you were ready I personally don’t think you would have written to Emma ask for advice. You didn’t say how old your boyfriend is, if you’re both under 16 it’s illegal (yes I know I sound a hypocrite) but if he’s older than 16 and your parents do find out, if they really weren’t happy about it he could possibly be done with statutory rape. But hats off to you hun talking about contraception already. Remember once it’s done it’s done and you can’t go back – good luck chick xx
when i was 13 i met a very lovly boy his name was ian he had pink hair
he was a few year older then me i fell in love with him we spent months snoggin and cuddleing in his parents house and mine and on street corners we often spoke about sex at 14 i really wanted to have sex with him … we got protection and headed to his empty house … to be greeted with his family 
a few month later we had sex it was great we was very careful but i was just 14 nearly 15 we did it a few times broke up when i was 16, i regret not waiting until i was old enough although i did truely love him i would not like to think my daughter was having sex at 14 it is something you really have to have a long think about will you regret it like i did ? what happens if your very carefull and you end up pregnant, what would your parents say/do if they found out / if you got pregant would he support you and would your family ? ….is he just gunna lay you then do a runner and brag to every one ! if i knew what i knew now id have waited until 16 sex aint that good tbh ! not all what its cracked up to be :/ not what you see in these porn films i hope you make the right decision and good luck x
well i was 17 and it was still a big mistake!!! i am now 31, married with 2 kids and 3 step kids……not to the same guy!!!!!! however, it can be good to experiment but i personally feel that the time you have been in a relationship is too short and i would seriously urge you to not yet!!!!!!!!!!!! but what ever you decide is your choice, all the best sweets!!! x x
If your having to ask wether you should do it or not sweetie then i think you know deep down your not ready?x
NOOOOOO! I think as your asking questions you are not ready…. your not sure and that means you should wait until you are sure! Everyone has said this but i los mine at a young age and i wish i hadnt… its never what you imagine it to be and you will end up looking back and wishing you had waited untill you were deffinately ready and had found “the one”! No one can tell you what to do… if your going to do it then no ones comments will stop you i just hope you really think it through and dont end up regretting your decision xxxx
emma i think you summed it up in one huni, i was 16 n half when i lost mine and i regretted it straight away so much so i ended it the same night we hadnt been together long and he went bragging, whatever you do make sure its the right decision for you, nobody can tell you if you are ready or not thats something only you will know but please make sure you’re 100% ready as that very 1st time is something you can never get back huni xxx
Awww hun az much az you think it sub the rite thing I would wait till you are older so you feel more comfortable with it slept with men from age of 13yrs an got pregnant at 14 an had him at 15 my second o got pregnant at 156 an had him at 17 az much az I love my boys an the rest if my children I wish I would of waited longer an mayb not had sex so young firstly how you know he any want you till he sleeps with you what would happen if you got pregnant how would you cope also telling your family who’s saying he will stick by you so you get pregnant your on your own bringing uo a baby what about school how would you support baby who would look after baby while you went to school who would buy everythin your baby would need 2bh if I faught about all this before hand I wouldn’t of been on my own with young babys not bein able to cope or manage I ended up with a house I couldn’t manage house hold bills food kids everythin I ended up with anxiety depresion an lost my boys it took me 9yrs to get my youngest back I will never get my eldest back as he has specsl needs an needs 24hr supervision he 16 in Feb plzz think about what could happen or what mite happen before you leap to somethin you will kick yourself for rest of your life an ot really ain’t az gud az it sounds at such a young age trust I went their atlesst await a year or two if he can’t wait he obviously any care for you sz much az he makes out cuz if he did he would be willing to wait <3
I lost my virginity when I was 14 and I don’t regret it. When I lost it we didn’t plan it it just happened one day, we were together 3 weeks. You asking this question makes me think your not really ready if you were you wouldn’t be asking. Don’t rush into it give it a few months see how things go with your bf then decide whether your ready. I know I can’t say much as I was the same age but my fiance was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. It could have gone a totally different way and I’m glad it didn’t and when you do make sure you do use contraception that’s one thing my fiance and I never used which ended up me being pregnant at 15. Hope you make the right decision for you
I feel by u asking this u r not ready. N jus needed the support of others. Well i lost mine at 17 n regret it to this day. Jus believe in urself n if u say no n he walks away it wasnt to b. But goodluck hun. Cx
Hun, if your questioning it, then you are not ready! Do not feel pressured into anything! If he loves you, he will stay and wait until you are ready! Despite your fears, talking to your mum openly about sex, could help. She is your best advisor! (of course you don’t have to tell her you want to have sex!) But if you are going to do it anyway – then at least be safe hun! Don’t be silly wrap his willy!!! xx
i lost ma vaginity at 14 and believe me i wish i waited. uve got to make sure your with the right person. please dont rush into anything ya still young. uve been with the lad for for months thats too early sweetie. i was with ma partner 4 years and i thought i was ready at age of 14 but honestly i wasnt and i regret losing it so young. theres no rush into losing ya vaginity your really younge. why dont you wait until you meet the right lad for you xxx
I lost my virginity at 18 at the time I sort of felt a bit weird beforehand felt like I was the only one! The group of friends I had were a mix some had some hadn’t so this made me feel better, anyway I’m soo pleased I waited I lost it to my little girls daddy and no one previous as it would have been a “school mistake” I admit I wasn’t with him long before I lost it but it just felt right where previously I was anxious n scared, I trusted him! I no school relationships can work but if you say your not ready and there fine with that your off to a good start! We have split since but we are still best friends n was together 5yrs n think we’ll b back together sometime, Oh n one of the reasons he loved/loves me was because I’d only ever been with him n always used to say it!
I was about 17/18 and I wish I didn’t.
Take your time, you have your whole life ahead of you.
Darling, if you’r asking someone about it i’d say you’re not ready yet. You have your whole life ahead of you to do what you like. If you really are ready please use some kind of contraception! <3
Take your time don’t rush it shoud be a special time for u both your still young x
As your questioning having sex I would say your not ready, my neice has just turned 15 I found out the other day she lost her virginity when she was 14 she’s also had a miscarriage and I only found out because she came home drunk after being with her friends, and told me in floods of tears! .. she regrets it big time her boyfriend at the time dumped her within a matter of weeks after having sex and now he picks her up and chucks her as and when he pleases.. Yet she’s soo mad about him she won’t listen to anyone else.. She didn’t speak to anyone & she also used a condom (it split) but if she had of come to me or her mum then we could of got her the morning after pill to prevent her going thru what she has already! I’d speak to ur mom she will try to guide you, don’t forget mums say things for a reason & ur own safety.. And I think she would be glad that u trust her enough to be able to speak to her.. But u most definatly don’t sound like your ready plus 4 months is nothing.. I’d wait until I was with him atleast a year xx
I’m so glad you had the sense to ask for advice, it’s a real shame you don’t have the type of relationship with your mum to ask and talk about these things to, must be hard eh ? I personally would say wait. You may feel like you’re ready but the fact that you have sought advice speaks volumes. Ask yourself, if your bf asked you to wait would you have an issue with it ? I guess you wouldn’t, as you love him right ? Unfortunately, boys don’t always think the same way as us girls and I also suppose there is a lot more peer pressure on boys to have sex than with us girls. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was just over 16 and had been with the same lad for over a year. He was older than me by 2 years but we spoke about it and had enough respect for each other until we knew it was right. How do you know WHEN is right I here you ask ? That is simple believe it or not. It’s when there is no questions going round in your head saying am I doing the right thing ? Is it breaking the law ? etc. When all that matters is the smile on your face and the closeness you feel between you and your partner. Stay safe babs xxx
I think if you’re having to ask these questions then you know the answer yourself. 4 months is no time at all to know someone – wait and enjoy just being together before getting too serious. If you both want to be in a proper, intimate relationship then you can both wait until you’re 100% sure
Huni , I think u shud wait a bit longer before making such a big decision , all my friends were talking about it when I was your age and I thought I was missing out , then when I was 16 and a half I met a lovely lad , and we ended up sleeping together 2 weeks later , and then 7 months on just after my 17 birthday I got caught pregnant , I wish I had waited a bit longer to be honest , but now I am married to that lovely guy and am 22 and have 2 kids , defiantly wait a bit longer until your sure your ready xx
Well done on asking for advice, that shows you’re very mature. If I were you I would wait sweet, sex is not something you should enter into lightly, it’s complicated. I was 14 and my boyfriend of 4 months talked me into having sex, I wasn’t ready but he pressured me and emotionally blackmailed me into it, of course at the time I thought he was just a loving caring boy. There is no rush to grow up, go out shopping with girlfriends, go watch a film, anything but have sex, because when you’re not in a loving, trusting relationship, sex just isn’t worth it, especially at 14 x x
I was 13, nearly 14 . Do not do it! Regret it alot.
Hun dont rush it, you are still a child and way too young hun. Any boy will respect you for saying no and will wait for you. I wasnt ready till I was 27 and am sooo glad I didnt loose it earlier. Respect yourself and your body chick and you will go far, massice hugs xxx
i lost my virginity early. although i do not regret it as we still are life long friends i wish i would of waited to commit myself to a partner i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. i asked my mum about contriception she said the best contriception is no. get yourself on contriception enjoy being a couple before you have sex.
Don’t do it hun..u asking the question makes it seem u ain’t really ready to have sex..I was 16 and regretted it big time..the lad was 19 and used me I didn’t se him again..didn’t want to tbf how he treated me..there is no rush live your life enjoy dating and having fun..if he’s a decent lad he would wait for as long as you wanted..if you do decide use double contraception ( condoms and pill etc) try to talk to a trusted family or older friend maybe..good luck xx
i say wait at least 3 years! x
as this was posted a while ago im hoping you thought about it again, as you asked for advice id say u wasnt ready. id advise waiting until your in a strong and commited relationship
i feel kids are so pressured into doing things like this these days it makes me sad
i hope watever decision she may have chose was the right one x
dont rush in to it , think about it before you regret it xx
I agree with a lot of the other Mum’s. If you are asking for advice then I am sure that you are not really ready and looking for reasons to give your partner that you think sound better than ‘I’m not ready’. Please wait and think carefully, you can never take back your first time and from experience I can tell you that it is not something you want to regret, it stays with you. (and I was 17) I still think I was too young then. xxx
there is no rush huni, u av a long time ahead of u to even think about sex, it is just a word there is nothing romantic about it or about ur 1st time. 4 mnths is very long together to be thinking about the next step. wen i was 14 the next step was kissing in public,
and if ur worried ur mother may find out maybe you shud talk to her, ur mum is there to give u advice and to guide u, she wont judge u, she will be shocked and may yell but let her calm down and she will tlk to u she will helpu to be safe and if u r really ready for this step she will take u to the drs so u get the rite contraception.
xx
well done for asking for advice hunnie, but as you had to ask, it makes an old woman like me think that you are not ready, if you do decide you are ready, be safe.xx