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When I disclose that I hear voices, the looks I receive are somewhat comical, while some are intrigued to learn more, others appear to have had an ice pick shoved up their arse as they stand frozen to the spot with a look of sheer horror written across their face.
So what is it like to hear voices? It’s difficult to explain to somebody who has never heard them and I assume that it is not the same experience for everyone who can hear voices.
First of all hearing voices is not a mental health illness; it’s a symptom of a mental health illness and in my case cyclothymic disorder (Bipolar to those who are thinking what is that ).
When I first starting hearing voices I was terrified, confused and frustrated and yes I thought I had gone crazy, more crazier than normal. It has now become part of what and who I am, they have lessened and for me personally they are triggered by sleep deprivation or when I am over stressed or extremely anxious.
I have good and bad voices, oh yes I have a few different ones up there chattering away in my head like they belong there, they pop in from time to time for a cuppa and a chat and then they go. I used to spend hours trying to listen to them but they never made sense, unless they spoke direct to me and to be honest it was always the same evil one each time.
I don’t believe the evil voice was is a voice at all, it is not like the others, this is my own voice of feelings that I harbour away, I believe this voice is my own trying to speak out.
Have you ever had the feeling that someone has just shouted your name and you trun around to find nobody there? It’s rather like that.
“Are the voices inside or outside of your head” was the constant question asked to me from the shrink.
I had no flipping idea what the hell this mad man was talking about. I was hearing god damn voices and I was freaking out big time, yet this weirdo was more concerned about inside and outside, the fact was they were there and I wanted them gone.
I have learned to accept the voices; they do still come but as described not as often as in the past. If they do come then it’s mainly at night and yes they do keep me awake, I find it hard to sleep or they can wake me with their constant noise.
“It’s like there are 10 people in the next room to me all talking at once, I can hear the muffled noises and make out the odd word but I have no idea what they are really saying” is how I described it to my CPN.
I have marched into the kids bedroom in the middle of the night after being woken by laughter, to find they are fast asleep, so the voices in my head like to laugh too.
I also suffer from images and thoughts but these are mainly from my past and it’s as if you’re having a nightmare yet I am awake and seeing it, I cannot wake up, I have to wait for it to pass. It’s scary; there are no other words and not an area I want to delve into in this post.
Hearing voices is very disturbing, it’s not easy to learn to live with and it scared the crap out of my husband when I finally plucked up the courage to tell him, it came after he realised I could see things and people that nobody else could, I guess the hearing voices didn’t seem that crazy after that.
I take a rather high potent of medication yet still the voices are there at times.
I have yet to meet another voice hearer and would love too, I guess it not something many talk about for fear of people thinking I am crazy, but hey if you’re reading my blog you will know hearing voices is a tamer part to who I am.
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Thats scary! Ive woken up before thinking ive heard someone shout my name. Hugs hun x
You inspire so many people by telling your story…. I think its amazing… people should be more open about things… it isnt something you hear of very often… but deffinately something people should be more aware of!!! xxx
I used to hear voices, or more specifically one voice. His voice. He would be sat in my head. I imagined him sat in a chair laughing at me. His voice would tell me how crazy i was. How sick i was. how i should die and ways to kill myself. I was a abomination and not worthy of life.
Medication didnt shift him. He was like a depraved demon egging on my suicidal thoughts. He quietened down after three years in and out of pyschiatric hospital.
These days i hear voices, they arent evil but they tell me im ugly, im stupid, im not worth anything. They at times incapacitate me at times. I struggle to make myself believe their lies.
Its like theres a whole part of my head that im not in control of and that scares me.
They start and dont shut up till im tearfull and then i hear them cheering at my misery. Its like their whole focus is to bring me down.
They make me worry what people think of me and sometimes i need to ask. I dont count myself as worthy of time or guidance.
I do wonder what it would be like to have positive voices.
thats really scary hun, i no someone who has bipolar and she used to hear voices too, its hard to imagine and understand what it must be like without experiencing it hugs xx
with my ocd i get intrusive thoughts which comes in the forms of voices, sounds and images, i also get flash backs from my past….
the only voice i can make out is also my own voice and it is the most vile and disturbing part of it …. although im aware what is being said is untrue and usually sick it makes me feel very unsettled and terrified that the thought made me an awful person…. its a very hard thing to describe to people unless they have experienced it
Mim x
Great post hun not many people would open up like u do xx
It is an annoyin question they are voices they are there what does it matter if they are in or out and i agree they can be so noisy its like being at a busy swimming pool at times and i do shout shut up and do u find they can be so harsh and arguementative
You might enjoy a book called “muses, madmen and prophets” by a guy called daniel b. smith, published by penguin. it’s all about hearing voices and the history and (usually negative) cultural perceptions of it. I’ve heard voices all my life and just assumed it was normal, mostly they shut up if I try to hear what they’re saying, which my husband thinks is hilarious. ho hum. unless they’re actually upsetting you or trying to make you hurt yourself or others i guess it’s not a huge deal, and I also suspect that it affects far more people than would be willing to admit to it!! well done you for being open about it!
Hi Tim thanks for your comment and for the book suggestion, I am learning to live with them and be afraid as I used to be. I do think if I can learn to understand more of why it happens that can only be a positive move. Thanks chick off to Google search for the book x
Hope you enjoy it! It does help to see a slightly broader perspective on the whole thing. x
I don’t hear voices but I do have conversations with myself. where I am re-enacting both parts:- Who I am talking to, and me. Every now and then I say what I want to say out loud. It can be about anything. Mostly I try to anticipate future conversations that I want to be in. Or maybe things I have said before that I wish I said differently. Or fantasy that I wish I could participate in. My oh finds it funny. It’s mostly when I am concentrating hard. X
This is very interesting.
That’s quite scary
x
thats pretty scary but also interesting xx hugs xx
ive never heard voices but last week i was so drugged up on painkillers (not physically drugged up!) and i was shouting off my oh and when he replied it felt like he was inside my head cos i couldnt see him and it really freaked me out i nearly broke down and lost it right there in the range it really scared me and i panicked i couldnt imagine hearing them like you hun huge hugs and i hope one day you find something that will make them go away for you hun xxx
This is scary to think youve been through so much. But at the same time its so insightful. Thank you for writing this. X
Brilliant blog post….you are amazing for sharing your story. Very intreging xx
wow looks like we not the only ones emma x
I have never heard voices, but I saw things when I was little, so I can sort of relate. I don’t feel crazy about it though. I think it is just a way of prioritizing.
If you, due to circumstances, have always learned to deny yourself, sooner or later you will start hearing or seeing things. It’s bound to happen. It’s just your brain taking care of you and saying: OKAY, NOW YOU NEED TO LISTEN!
Our bodies will always do anything necessary to keep ourselves from completely going berserk, but can only go so far.
Thanks for sharing your story. Really helpful.
this is very scary but intresting too xx
I get similar voices. 24 hours a day. Every minute I am awake, but I don’t have nice ones, I have one male and one female and they are both evil and say horrible things.
For example, I’ll think to myself that I will make myself a coffee. Then the voices kick in “she is making herself a coffee, stupid bitch she is making a coffee, stupid f*cking bitch” And it carries on until I have another thought, then it carries on and carries on all day long. I’ve tried every anti-psycotic and they never work. Have tried to take my own life twice.
I have also developed agoraphobia so I have panic attacks if I try and go out. I basically live in my bedroom as I am too scared to sit in my lounge, the voices get worse in there.
Hope you find some help from speaking out. I don’t think I can carry on, I made my Will today. God bless you x.
Please drop me an email emma@therealsupermumblog.com x
Thank you for reassuring me I am not the only one that has this issue. I don’t normally speak about it because it scares people. They are known to me as my evil twins lol.