My partner split with his ex-girlfriend nearly 3 years ago and we have been in a very loving relationship ourselves, his ex is still obviously in love with him and wants him back. My partner’s sister even says she is clinging on to all she can. She sees him as much as she can, texts, calls, everything.
Even the day after I had a miscarriage he went to see his little boy and they went for a family meal together at a pub, the three of them.
This weekend, only a couple of weeks after I had a miscarriage, they decided to take their little boy on a camping trip together. I feel really hurt and my friends say that it is weird that exes would do that. I completely trust him and know that he loves me, but I feel really hurt.
I am feeling so emotionally vulnerable and upset that he would go and leave me, (he knows I have been really low and at times suicidal because of the miscarriage. An ambulance was called for me, I was in a lot of pain and lost a lot of blood) afterwards.
He is going on a “holiday” with his ex, yes, I know that his 4 year old will be there too, but it doesn’t seem right to me that he is going away with her too. He is perfectly capable of taking him away alone.
She also keeps on about how he is her best friend, constantly texting him and calling him. He has told her not to, but she still does, and she won’t let go. Can exes be best friends? Am I not meant to be the best friend he has, as his lover, wife and friend?
Also when he has contact with his son, she insists on being there too. She has no concerns for his ability to look after his little boy, she just enjoys the “family” time of having meals and going out on shopping trips with my partner. Even on Tuesday when he was meant to be seeing his son, they had a meal together then too.
I was so upset at him leaving me (I did not tell him not to go, I left it entirely up to him, hoping he would do the right thing, but he knew I was not happy about it.
Even his sister had said to him, it was not a good idea, and completely inconsiderate of me and our relationship to be going away overnight with his ex, despite his son being there) I have ended our relationship.
I don’t feel we will ever have an us, it will always be, he, I and her. A triangle, I don’t want a marriage with her in it too.
Am I being selfish to want him to myself?
His little boy is adorable, and I would never ever begrudge a child time with its father. As far as I am concerned he could have his little boy every day, as long as she isn’t there too.
Am I overreacting?
I have had other friends say they don’t know how I put up with it.
That there is no way on this planet they would let or like their partner go on a trip with their ex, little one there or not. But I feel like I am being a bitch. I am not normally a jealous person.
It has taken me a lot to trust him, as I have been severely abused mentally and physically in the past. Yet I love him and trust him with everything in my being. I just don’t trust her. I know how she feels for him, how she wants him.
She is so manipulative and uses their son as an emotional pawn all the time. to the point that one day he turned round to me and said he wished he had, had him with me and not her, and that he wished he had never got with her.
I really don’t know what to do. I hate the thought that I am being unreasonable and being a bitch. I am struggling to come to terms with our loss, and I really need him right now.
This just can’t go on anymore as it will drive me crazy. Can you blog readers give me any advice?
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I think you are emotionally vulnerable at the moment after the miscarriage and maybe it would be better if he didn’t go on this trip. I guess you need to have a talk with him.
If she wants him back then he shouldn’t go on this trip, it is disrespectful to you. You need to talk to him. He is most likely scared that his ex will stop him from seeing his lo?
I think you need to make a stand, have his son over, the 3 of you go away as a family because that is what you are now. Make room for his son at every opportunity. He is only human and may be tempted, I know that is not what you want to hear but its true, and this will always leave you with niggly doubts that may cause arguments.
I completely agree with you. She is his ex for a reason and he is being incredibly, incredible disrespectful to you by putting her needs in front of yours. So what if she, his ex, needs a friend or wants family time? You’ve just been through something no parent should go through and he needs to tell her you’re more important to him at this time. Tell him you’d prefer it if you, he and his son went away together. I hope everything goes well for you and I’m sorry for your loss x
i dont think i could ever put up with what you have and for so long.. your OH should of stopped it.. id never let my OH do that (luckly his ex doesnt like him so it would never happen unless it was something important and LO wanted them both there) have you told him how itmakes you feel and how your loss has made you feel?? some men need it told to them in black and white to understand.. big hugs hunni xxx
That is just wierd i get she will always be in his life because lo. but having to be there when he has lo all the time is strange. I would tell him straight its strange xx
No he deffo should not go its not fair on you at all I would not go away with any off my exs I get on with them but away is deffo a no no tell him to get his head read as its just not on
you are in no way being unreasonable. If he says he wishes he had had his boy with you not her and that he has never got with her why is he spending time with her? as far as im concerned the only time all 3 of them should be together is when little one is in school and has plays/parents evenings and the like. its great for kids to see their parents getting along well even after they are no longer together, but this does not mean the only time he sees his dad it has to be with his mom. he needs to concentrate on making you part of his family, not pretending he still is one with her
f she wants him back he really shouldn’t be going! It’s giving her all the wrong signals. You are not being unreasonable hun, I think by now I’d have flipped at him. The only time the three of them should be together (I think personally) is when lil one has something at school and things like that x
I think you need to sit down and tell him how you feel hun. If he cared for your feelings he would put you first (before her, not his son!) xx
That is totaly unacceptable – if you read your email back as if you were somebody else, reading a stranger’s email, you would agree that it simply isn’t fair to treat you like this. He is actually making his ex think there is a chance for them to get back together, and leading her on, when she is also vulnerable with a child on her own. They are playing at happy families when they are not even together. You must have the patience of a saint because I would have finished with him over this a long time ago. Why do you refer to yourself as a bitch too? Wanting your partner not to go away on overnight stays with his ex is totally normal. There is not a woman alive who would be comfortable with this. She also calls him and texts him alot – this is also unacceptable. Unless there is an issue with the child, then their conversations should be limited to polite discussion only. He should be spending quality time with his son too rather than giving him mixed signals. That child will become very confused as seeing mummy and daddy acting as if they are still together and going away on holiday together. Having a meal together now and then is fine – especially if it is the child’s birthday or something, but no other reason at all. You are being treated badly, at a time when you are particularly vulnerable. Please don’t take this the wrong way but it doesn’t sound as if he loves you very much to treat you so badly. You seem quite vulnerable – get a back bone and tell him that unless he stops the incessant phone calls/texts and the cosy dinner dates on a regular basis, you are finished. I have a feeling you live with him – which is a bad mistake if so because if leave you reliant on him and it’s difficult to end the relationship when you share a space. You need to give him an ultimatum and see where his feelings lie, but I can tell you right now they are firmly in the camp of his ex and his son (together). Best of luck xx
Hs giving his ex false hops he’s with u now and should concentrate on u and his son and forget about her x
I wouldn’t let this happen, I’m sorry but it’s just weird! Yer it will be good for the little boy to see them together but then what does that teach there son? He may think they are together xx
i agree with what other people have said above xx