They say Cyclothymia is a milder form of bipolar, I disagree. I was diagnosed with Cyclothymic Disorder in November 2010 after many years of misdiagnosis and medications that did not help and it has been a rollercoaster of a time.
The difference between bipolar 1 and 2 is that with Cyclothymia you experience rapid mood changes that often combine mixed moods. You are not happy or sad; you experience many moods all at the same time.
I can personally experience up to 10 different mood changes in a 24 hour period, I do not get time to familiarise myself with my mood pattern as it abruptly changes so regularly. It’s exhausting and frustrating.
I bounce between mild hypomania and moderate depression. Once in a while, I slip down into severe depression. Anxiety always accompanies my depression and hypomania’s, there is no rest from that. I also hear voices and see things, nobody else can hear or see these things. I starve my body of food as a form of punishing myself too. I am a hamster stuck on a wheel that never stops turning.
I have yet again new medication;
40mg Citrolporam and 150mg Trazodone I am also taking 100mg Tramadol (un-prescribed) daily
An example of a “normal” day;
I woke one morning full of the joys of spring, we had sex that morning and my sex drive was in over drive, he went back to sleep, I got up. I had completed all of the housework and ironing before anyone else in the house had even woke up. I had so many happy thoughts and plans for the day.
An hour later I went for a shower while the husband entertained the children, stood under the hot shower head I hummed a tune in my head. I was then sat shaking, curled into a ball on the cold shower floor. Distraught and frightened I lay alone, cold and frightened. I never had any warning it just happened. I went from up there to down there within minutes.
Cyclothymia Symptoms
- Besides cycling between the two mood extremes, the other criteria that will help determine a diagnosis of Cyclothymia include:
- You have experienced these mood swings for at least two years.
- Your symptom-free intervals last no more than three months.
- Your symptoms don’t meet the requirements of any other bipolar disorder.
I am elated, happy, positive, angry, sad and agitated all at the same time. I have become so frustrated and angry at myself that I have banged and smashed my head off the wall in the past.
I feel so guilty that my rapid mood changes affect the whole family. It is difficult to plan days out with the children in case my mood changes and I cannot go. I am my own worst enemy as I never keep on top of my medications and I know I have to start gaining control over this.
I feel hopeless at times, the lack of control I have angers me.
Please don’t tell me my mental illness is mild, it destroys me and controls every aspect of my life.
About The Real Supermum
You are so strong in everything you do, you are an inspiration. Maybe you do not Feel strong or do now and didn’t then, but you are. X
Thank you for your kind words Adele, they mean a lot x
You are amazing remember that always without you and your group id probably be dead by now you saved me be proud that you have saved the life of at lest 1 person my kids have a mummy thanks to you xxx
I cant take medication. Sometimes I wish I could just to appear normal to me! I dont consider myself normal. I consider myself broken.
I am now going to eat cookies and have tea. Thank you as always for making me see that there is always a way forward.
But sometimes I’m tired of fighting. When does that having to fight stop? That’s what I want to know.
i know hopw that feels hun it is very frustrating and not many people understand which makes it all the more frustrating thank u for helpin me deal with myself by sharing yourself x
sometimes these things such as Cyclothymia are described by some medical person who has to group these things into varying degrees of severity. These people are just the doctors. They don’t know what it’s about, they don’t know what it is like to have Cyclothymia they don’t have it themselves so don’t really have a clue how it is.
Any illness, physical or mental is an illness. It’s a deferential effect on our health and well being. It’s an illness none the less.
I never normally know what to write on these types of posts, because I haven’t got a mental illness, so I wouldn’t know really what to say right. But I do know is that you are helping so many women in similar situations come to terms with what is wrong with them. And accept that it’s not just them, and encourage them to seek help. That can only be a good thing. Please keep it up. X
Oh my gosh, that must be awful. I’ve never heard of this before until I saw you tweet it out.
I hope your medication makes life easier for you.
xxx
you are sooo strong emma and an inspiration to all us mummys kepp doing what your doing xxxxxxxxx
U are one of the strongest people I know x
you are so strong emma, i really dont no how u do it! your an amazing person x
always remember hun that you are so inspirational despite your illness and everything that you have been through you still run the group and sit for hours listening to peoples small worrys right to huge worrys and find them help and support they need your always putting others first and that to me take ones brave and curagus woman to do and you truley are an inspiration to many never ever stop what you do you are brave and you can do things it may take time but a lot of people including myself believe in you xxx
I’ve recently been diagnosed with cyclothymia after way too many years. I’ve had it as a child and found out recently that my birth mother is bipolar. I’ve destroyed relationships, got into financial troubles, been way too risky, self-harmed … the whole gamut. Yet, I am a mother to three children and have a new marriage. I simply don’t know how to separate myself from my illness. But, I am learning. My medication for the time being has brought a quiet tranquility although I still rapid cycle between various moods. Like I disagree with idea that cyclothymia is mild – to that I say try living in my head for a week! Right now I am busy training my children and hubby to recognize the difference between various moods, to be patient and forgiving because at the end of all, I may have to apologize but they know how much I love them. It’s all worth it even living with myself to have the love of a family and to give to them that gift too.