I Was 13 When Childhood Depression Made Me Attempt Suicide
Was I an invisible child? Did none of the adults that were consistent in my younger years witness the changes within me? Where were my parents or teachers at this time in my life when I was so low? Childhood depression should have been recognised by the professionals.
Opening the bottles, pouring out the tablets, aged 13, alone and afraid. I remember the fresh orange juice burning my throat, a rancid acid taste as the Paracetamol mixed with the citrus liquid that ran down my throat.
I was 13 and depressed
Still a child
My only thought was that my father would be angry that I had drunk the rest of his fresh juice, never did it occur to me he would care that his daughter had just taken her own life.
It was not a cry for help; the tablets I consumed were enough to end my life that evening.
He never came with me in the ambulance. I remember the doors closing and I never saw his face. My step mother, the women 5 years older than me came instead.
I don’t remember what happened to me, but I was sick; puked up vile liquid for what seemed an eternity. I lived that night.
I would stay in hospital for many weeks, be assigned a child psychiatrist and would be given the first of many antidepressants; my time in the mental health system began here. I would never get out of it.
My parents and the teachers knew I was being bullied. Those girls, (they know who they are and I hope one day they will read this), you took away something precious to me, you stole part of my childhood. You made me feel that my life was not worth living.
These girls made me feel fear; I was 13 and afraid to go to school because of them. I had begun to play truant as much as I could. I moved to live with my father at this age too; he was drinking heavily and had a new partner who didn’t like me much.
School was an escape for me, yet the bullies also took that safe place away too. The school should have had trained teachers, in childhood depression, more than in any National Curriculum lesson.
Tormented, called names pushed and mentally abused. What did I ever do to make these girls hate me? Feeling an outsider, nobody dared to be friends with me, sitting alone in the dining hall, eyes down, looking always at the floor as I walked. Not good enough to look forward, I knew my place, at the back of the line.
My anger lies with my parents, the teachers and other adults who were around me at that time. Why did nobody see how depressed I was? Why did nobody stop these girls? Why did I allow them to do this to me?
It scares me that my eldest daughter is the same age now as I was then, that my life with mental illness started at such a young age. I am thankful to an extent, for the knowledge I do know because of my mental illness.
Childhood depression is never to be passed off as just the hormones, if you suspect your child is depressed then fight for support. Some GP’s are eager to put it down to the age. I know different, childhood depression kills.
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Big hugs xxxx
I know all too well how schools an adults who are meant to protect you can fail you badly. Not only does it hurt, but it makes you feel worthless and useless. At least you can stand there today and use your experience to help others xxx
Big hugs hunni x x
Wow. This was me, right down to the age, except for the suicide attempt – I was fortunate in that my parents recognized the signs and pulled me out of school just before I got to that point. From the bottom of my heart, I pray that life is better for you now, and I hope that your children don’t have to go through the same thing we did. Also, thank you for speaking out and helping to educate parents, teachers and any other adults that are responsible for caring for children that this is a very serious issue not to be taken lightly.
Thank you for your comment, the teachers should all be educated on childhood depression, should be part of their training as its such a vulnerable age x I am so pleased to hear you had support x
ok this one really has made me cry as ur words could of been my own ,
teachers suport teachers alike should notice the diff in a child as they see them everyday , its either they dont want to see or they just dont want to b caught up in the paperwork n hassle that goes with sticking their knecks out to help a child who clearly is uphappy wich is so sad, there r some good teachers that yes do take there time to help but theres not enough of them.
big hugs hunni yet again for opening yet another old wound to share them with us xx
massive hugs
i think sometimes teachers turn a blind eye to avoid getting involved and they really shouldn’t x big hugs xx
Big hugs hun xxx So sad that no one noticed there was something up with you, there needs to be more awareness of mental health issues xx
wow big hugs hunny. schools should be noticing and doing something about bullies. i was bullied heavily luckily i struggled through it and came out the other side. i had a counciller in school cause of bullies still didn’t do anything bullying books and i started to bunk off my parents had to pay a fine even when i got battered the school did nothing. the school bulling system needs a huge overhall x
I agree hole heartedly. My problems started in very early childhood. I was left to my own devices as number 6 of 7 children I was just there.
Anyway, I was left out in primary school, left alone at home and only had one so called friend that was human. Little did I know that later in life she would end up sucking off my ex and probably a lot more.
Snoopy(the cat) and Benji(the dog) were my only friends that I could talk to. Teacher’s didnt care and neither did my family and yes they(teachers) should be trained to recognize the sings of utter despair in a child. I dont want my children growing up like I did. I try my best to get them to talk to me and I’m as honest as I can be to a 9 and 6 year olds about why I get sad a lot. Schools not just in England but here in Ireland too need a good kick up the arse when it comes to dealing with mental health issues.
I agree the teachers should be trained in this big hugs x
Big hugs. I agree that teachers should be trained as this is becoming a very real issue x
Sending you hugs xx
I too attempted my first suicide at the age of 13. I was already known to the mental health system and still I was not given any help or support. My low mood was simply put down to “She’s just being a teenager”. There definitely needs to be more awareness raised of childhood depression. Nobody has a magic wand but we all have ears for listening and arms for cuddling xx
teachers should def be trained in this too may children commit suicide through bullies and its awful xx
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very big hugs xxx
ppl don’t think kids can get depressed but they need too see they can