I don’t ever remember a time when my own mother told she loved me, I can’t hug my children, is the reason why because I was never hugged by own mother, that it has somehow been engraved upon my own parenting skills?
Please do not mistake me, if my children were to fall and hurt themselves in some way no matter how small, I automatically run to them and scoop them up and smother them in kisses and hold them close. When they are ill I will rock them gently to sleep on my lap, but once they reach a certain age I just can’t reach out to them and hug them.
I do not much like physical contact, I do not feel comfortable if friends were to grab me in a bear hug, would rather not be touched at all. But I am a mother and I cant hug my children, this tears me up inside.
I do wonder if I am failing my children and I do feel guilty that I am not a huggy mum. I have no problem when they are babies, but once they reach a more grown up age I just feel the barriers go up. It feels even unnatural to embrace them.
I do believe that this stems back to my own children, I was never taught that physical love between mother and daughter happened.
There is only so much I can feel guilty for and I am trying each day to grab one of them and hug them, for no reason, just because.
What hurts most of all is when one of my children run to me and hug me, which they often do.
I freeze and feel my body tense
I am very good at hiding it, but inside I am trembling. The fear of being touched, even by my own children at times is difficult to bare.
I have asked for help in this area, again I have never been given support. I will keep trying each day and I hope that one day it will feel more natural to me.
About The Real Supermum
Ah Emma. I’m the same way. It kills me. I’m going to cry. It”s the exact same as you descried. I’m going to go talk to my doctor about it on Tuesday when I see him. I’ll let you know what he says to me about it.
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Perhaps deep down there’s something going on with getting close to them as they get older, in that they are going to fly the nest and leave you at some point? If you don’t feel you can hug them as they get older, you won’t miss those hugs when they find their own places to live? Just a very random thought! x
I am going to bring it up again when I have my next shrink appointment
i kinda feel the same tho, now reannes grown up we hardley ever hug, i ask her sometimes and she says no thanks, but my mom and dad are always hugging her i feel bad
x
i feel like this too but only with my 2nd son, had attachment issues with him from birth, but when hugs me which is AlOT (at home he is a very loving lad) he hugs me from entering the room imin or leaving the room. does he sense that im detached n feels the need for that love ? or does he feel me tense up every time ? which ever i feel guilty as hell as i love him more than life just cant seem to feel the same way with hi as i do with my other kids
xxx
i hope all that suffer this can ovet come it. i cant imagine how you feel. well done for admitting it xx
I hope you can overcome this hunnie. Your so open and honest. And your kids love you more than anything ! Nothing is gonna change that xx
I defo think its something deep down like u said u dnt remember the last time ur mum said she loved u. Dnt feel like ur failing them it clear u love ur babies xxx
Hugs hun xx
I Can’t Hug My Children – http://t.co/Yv9LJKee #parenting #mum #mom
I am so sorry for your pain. I have struggled with this issue for different reasons, and although I know I am not the hugging type, I try to be mindful of that and remember to hug my children. My kids know I love them & I’d do just about anything for them (let them have friends over when they want, take them to various activities, make cookies w/ them, ect.) but expressing love with hugs is also important to them. It’s important to do even if you are uncomfortable at first. It will get easier. Plus, maybe you could explain to them the reason it doesn’t come naturally to you. If you provide a reason, kids can understand better and not think they did something wrong or something is wrong with them or that you don’t love them. Communicating with your kids can prevent a lot of confusion & misunderstanding. Good luck.
i cant imagine how you feel hun but i really do hope you get some support soon dont feel like a failure though hun you clearly love all of your children and would do anything for them xxx
sending hugs to you hun…. xxx
Big hugs hunni x x
Don’t ever give up big hugs x
you’re gettin better every day, you’re kids should be proud of you. you’re amazing x x x
Aw bless you, it’s often harder for people to hug their kids as they get older as there’s more expectation from it as they can sense more where it is coming from, the relationship becomes much more two way as you both try to figure each other out, and maybe it’s not the hugging but the actual thought of the relationship deepening and all that brings with it…the expectations that a hug brings…..hopefully the holiday with your mum may help with this x
Hello, I’m exactly the same. I have 4 wonderful children yet when each one turns 5 I start to freak out. Like you I go tense my heart races and I freeze. I can’t describe in words the pain this causes me. My mum always hugged me, although I did not live with her. I lived with my dad but have no memories I’ve had some help and have PTSD. My father was arrested and sentenced for child abuse on young girls. As I have no memory I’m wondering if this has something to do with it. I see this was 7 months past but was wondering if you have had any success, I feel so desperate even considering regression therapy to see if it unlocks something .