There is no denying it that blended families comes with baggage. I already had 3 children from my previous marriage and so did he when we met, that was 6 children that all had to learn to accept and get along with each other. We then had 3 children together making the grand total of 9 kids.
As my 6 children live with us, they know we have set rules and boundaries and that worked well, but when my step children come to stay it can be either great or a nightmare. They don’t like our rules, I am not their mother, yet we have one rule for all in our house and they have to accept that.
My husband’s children are similar in age to my eldest three and they can and have clashed in the past, for most of the time it has been exciting to have them altogether, but we have faced the usual load of baggage problems that blended families raise.
Step Parent Resentment;
My 3 children have used the phrase” But you’re not my dad” on more than one occasion and while that may be correct, my husband has raised them as his own and it’s very hurtful for him to hear.
I also find discipline difficult in our family home; I seem to be the one dishing it out as they are “my kids”. We do not see Matts children as often as we would like, through no fault of his own and they can cause upset when they visit as they resent the fact they “don’t see dad” much.
They do resent the other children, which of course is only natural, their dad gets to see his other 3 kids daily and because of that has a very close bond with them, it’s difficult to parent kids your only allowed to see “as and when”.
Discipline Disagreements;
The other main area we don’t agree is when it comes down to discipline, while he is very quick to give in, I stand my ground. The kids do see him as the pushover and it has caused arguments in the past. The children are also great at playing us off against each other. When I say no they know he will say yes, so will often go behind my back.
We had a rule at the very start that all 9 children will be treat the same, we have the exact same rules in place for all and it’s a balancing act to reinforce them at times, but we do it.
What obstacles have you faced with a blended family?
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I can completely relate to this, although with only one step child but even with that it has plenty of challenges! Especially the nightmare ex! If I could go back in time with all the issues caused maybe I would of walked away at the beginning… But that can only be a what if now and I have my son so I’ve got that to be extremely thankful for xx
I was about 7 when my mum got together with my step dad. He already had three daughters. My ma had me and my younger brother. My youngest brother came along when I was 10. One of my step dads three daughters lived with us for a couple of months and it was horrible. I remember arguments with her and her shouting at me that I wasnt going to take her dad away from her. From what I rememer my step sisters did what they wanted when they wanted but we had a very strict upbringing. However my youngest brother got away with absolutely anything as he was special because he was the first boy born to my step dad. Ive never treated my youngest brother as my half brother. He’s my real brother as far as Im concerned. My step sisters all moved out of the area as they grew older but we’d see them occassionaly. Until my step dad died when I was in my early 20′s. The last time we saw the sisters was at his funeral. Id babysat all three of my step sisters children, been to second weddings, birthday parties, parties at their houses, theyd been to our annual new years eve party …. They dont even know their half brother is now married and has emigrated to America. How sad is that.
we have not so many arguements in our house but it is so difficult n when things get hard i think why should i bother the kids ent mine but at the end of they day they just need love x
I can relate to this as i’ve never been in this situation at all but i relate to the discipline issue, even with no step kids involved!lol Me and the hubby differ on this, i’m usually dishing out punishments too while he is more relaxed, I’m also more consistent whereas he tends to let things go, i’m often pulling him up on this and he does then do something about it, so not all bad! x
None really. But not really typical blended family. My eldest son has a brother and sister he don’t know of. Harvey has a new little baby sister he don’t know of. My youngest is unique. Only one of him haha. My oh only has one son, the one he has with me.
We do notice that the oh’s parents prefer to have their biological grandson. Only to be expected. It’s a shame my other kids fathers families also have decided not to have anything to do with their grandsons. Again, probably because it’s easier for them not to. None of the eldest’s sons family bother with any of my ex’s kids. With the middle one they all dote on the little sister but not my son. My son is the dirty little secret not to be spoken about.
Of course, if I had the opportunity I wouldn’t treat any of my boys half siblings any different. I have always wanted a girl. But I think if I so much as touched my middle sons half sister there would be a war. X
We used to have similar issues when my stepson visited. He didnt like our rules. When we had more children he also resented that. We tried to help him blend him, but he is 10yrs old now and has made a decision not to see his dad (my husband). Our life is just too different for him and he prefers his mothers rules and lifestyle etc. Its been heartbreaking for my husband.
Can’t relate to actually been a step mum but as my mum and dad split 11-12 yrs ago my dad moved on and got with sum1 who’s done a fab job of bringing us up alongside her own children and all treated the same and loved jst as much so I hope she was as much delighted as me in the situation
I can’t relate to this but my parents can… My mum had 2 boys and my dad had 2 girls before they got together and then they had me and my brother we all lived together which was hard at times and caused a few arguments but we all got treat the same and a lot of the time my older brothers didn’t like it and they were kicked out by both my parents, I’ve very close to my sisters they are like my best friends x
Ive got no experience of this yet, but im sure will have in a few months, as my partner has 2 boys of his own … god help me lol x x
I have no experience of this myself but I can imagine how hard it could be to live in a blended family and i’m sure there are children out there that would use it to their advantage. x