A mum explains why she quit her job and prefers being a stay at home mum. She does not agree with babies being put into a crèche and believes its important for mums to stay at home with their babies.
I worked from age of 15; I was doing all sorts of different jobs from waitressing, working on zoo fun fair to working at Argos and as a glass collector. I had also done a health and social course when leaving school as well as a hairdressing course when my baby was born
I don’t work now and haven’t done since being 4 months pregnant and the reason for leaving work was that I was employed in a busy club and carrying glasses around the thought that people knocking into me all night made me fear my unborn baby.
I think being a stay at home mum is important as you don’t miss out on your baby growing up, those all-important first smiles, first words and first steps.
I have done placements in nurseries and seen the effect of mothers putting their baby into crèche 6am till 6pm and the baby starts calling someone else mommy. That’s not for me, I want to be there for my child, not expect someone else to raise them for me just so I can go out to work. I think the whole reason you have a baby is to look after it not go out to work and leave it with someone else.
I did plan getting a job when my little one started school, but I will be due my second baby then, so that’s on hold for quite a bit longer. It’s important for mums to be home with their children. Being on benefits isn’t that bad you can only afford things with the money you have, so you make it last, have the odd treat as and when possible and I don’t think kids miss out on things, just because they have a stay at home mum.
The stigma of mums on benefits is really bad, it does not mean that we are lazy or do not want to work, we do not sponge off people that do work. Being a stay at home mum means we get to see our babies all important first few years of life.
This confession was sent in anonymously, we have a great confession section on the blog. You can send in your own confession too just contact me.
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Although I don’t totally agree with this, I can see where she is coming from! Very early on we decided that it would be beneficial to our boys if they had one parent with them at all times! I might start looking for part time work once the boys go to school, but until then I will be a SAHD
Without comi.g accross as harsh. do u not think this post is a bit judgemental? I went back to work when my son was 6months old and from the age of 18months he has been in childcare 10-5 4days a week so i can work full time. So does that make me a bad mum?
My son has never called anyone else mum, apart from his nannys when he was just talking cause he was confused by me and oh calling our mums ‘mum.’
on the flip side of ur debate, i have encountered children who had a stay at home mum, whose social skills are non existant and cant even go the 3 hours at preschool away from mum
i think both sides of the argument are valid. as long as a child is happy, healthy, socialised and gets quality time with mum/dad. whats the problem with either working or not working.
I am just wondering where you think your ‘benefits’ money comes from if you think that you do not ‘sponge from people who work’??! Benefits money comes from the taxes paid by people who work. So yes, you are sponging. If you and your partner cannot afford to have a child without claiming benefits, you should not have one. And I am not referring to unlucky people who find themselves redundant or unwell and unable to work. I refer specifically to spongers. Who plan to have children, knowing they have no income. It is not the job of me, my husband and the rest of the nation to go out and work so that you can stay at home and look after your children.
I have absolutely no problem with stay at home mums, having been one myself for the past 2 years. But I have not and will never allow someone else to pay me to feed, clothe and house my child. I had my children knowing that my husband and I could afford to through his income alone. If this is what you perceive to be a good way to bring up your child and to pass on good values, then you are deluded. I will be returning to part-time work later in the year because I have now reached a point where one income is not enough. And I do not think that society ‘owes me’ so that I can bring up my children.
Well said.x
When I was working full time I had no option but put my 2 year old into full time child care, I had a business to run and no friends and family to help with childcare – yes i felt guilty but I dont regret doing it, he loved it
My oldest child goes to nursery because she has a.s.d it broke my heart to send her there as I wanted her with me , I have looked for. Work and I even had a volunteering job while she was @ nursery but had to leave for health reasons . Nursery has done her the world of good especially with me being so ill
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I Don’t Agree With Babies Being Put Into A Crèche http://t.co/lcrSRHp7
Oh I must be a terrible mother. I went on a week long training course when my daughter was only 6 weeks old, leaving her and my older son in the care of a.fantastic childminder.
I work 3 days a week. My children are looked.after by a wonderful.childminder who they adore. They are gaining their independence, improving their social skills… and I get a little bit of much needed adult conversation.
I saw all of my children’s milestones. I.saw their first smile, heard their first word, watched their.first steps… I was there.for the.first day of.school.
Yes in a perfect world.all mums or.dads would be able to.stay home and raise the children. But for.some of us there isn’t an option
I must be a terrible mother also. I went to college when my little girl was small (around 4 months) and was in a nursery local to my house throughout my college course. I’ve now started a different course which is a 2 year one and she remains in the same nursery, It helped my daughter leaps and bounds! She’s picked up things from there that she wouldn’t have from being around me. She’s now 16 months and LOVES going to nursery, she likes the staff she has her friends there. In an ideal world yes I’m sure the majority of mums would like to be able to stay at home but some just don’t have that option. I love my daughter but it’s healthy for her to have a break from me at nursery and for me to have a break from her. Before anyone jumps on the bandwagon of how I shouldn’t have had her unless I was ready .. mistakes happen, contraception doesn’t always work and I will not have no one dictate to me that what I am doing is wrong x
It’s a good job some of us do choose to work. Where do you think benefit money comes from? Taxes from people that do work. I had a baby and choose to work as I don’t see it as anyone elses responsibility to provide for my child but ME. This post actually made be laugh out loud. I don’t see how you can be so opinionated and judgmental toward working mothers when your reliant on the state to provide for YOUR children.
i can understand for some parents there isnt much choice, i childmind 3-4 times a week for my brother and sister in law – alot of these are not because they are working etc as they kids are at school most of the time, just so they have a social life and fit in with their friends ! im sorry but why have children just to put them in nurseries or to a childminder ? just my opinion xxx
i have not worked since i was pregnant with my second child. 5 years in november it will be. i am glad i have been home with the children i do think it is important for both mum and child to spend the first few years together if possible but understand for some it is not an option
I dont think there is any harm with kids going into nursery etc.. sometimes i think its quite healthy for a child. X
Personally I can’t send my children to nursery until they r older but that’s my own issues. I so believe the 1st year is important for baby and mum to be together but I totally understand mums going back to work it doesn’t mean they love or care for the children any less x
I don’t see being a stay at home mum as not working, it is the hardest job ever. I worked up until I had my first child. After my husband and I split up I had to go back to work to support my girls. Even though my Mum was caring for them, I hated it. My youngest was only 3, and the first Christmas was awful as I was working everyday except Christmas day and my daughter was very ill with Chicken Pox. When I met my now husband, we decided to have a child and that I would again be a stay at home mum. Unfortunately I am now disabled and my hubby is my full time carer, at the moment we are on benefits, which we both hate, but can’t change. However I continue to try to be the best mum I can, as really, being a mum is all I ever wanted. I don’t blame Mums for wanting to work, but after my experience, it’s not for me.
Omg this makes me angry! I bet you don’t have a mortgage or a private rent to pay??? It is not ok to receive benefits just because you want to be a stay at home mum- benefits are for people who can’t work for valid health reasons or are between jobs through no fault of their own.
Their are those that wouldn’t earn enough to pay childcare- but I know mums like that, and most of them end up getting a job with different hours so that they don’t need childcare- or try to work from home as they don’t want to be on benefits.
If you want to be a stay at home mum you should have earnt or saved more before you had a baby- or your partner should be able to support you.
You are a sponger.
I work 3.5 days a week and have since my maternity pay ended as I have a mortgage and bills to pay and my husband can’t cover it himself. For this reason we won’t have another child- we cannot afford it- what right have I got to have a baby and ask the state to pay for it?? Non and not my dear do you! You make me so angry- I see mums like you at school and they look at me dressed for work as if I’m the one in the wrong! It is right and proper to EARN money to raise your child.
We had a grandparents to look after our son, i know this is lucky. I think their is something far worse to your child’s mental health and well being than going to a nursery/crèche/childminder and that is being brought up by a scrounging sponger. Congratulations on bringing up the next generation of lazy benefit claimants- no doubt your child will one day leave the comfort of your council house straight to their own. Well done, I hope your are proud.
this —> “benefits are for people who can’t work for valid health reasons”
when we stop thinking of benefits as free money if we want it and start thinking of it as the absolute last resort we might actually get somewher with our economy
Rylee has been to a creche once, so i could better myself for my children, i dont feel bad for doing it, as i see it me and the boys all benefit from me doing that one day course x x
What planet are you on? Yes staying at home is nice, but providing a home and food for your child is your responsibility.. my hubby works his arse off to put our roof over our head, and then has to pay crazy taxes so you can sit at home because you don’t like the idea of creche.. here’s an idea, don’t have any more kids that you cannot personally provide for. Why do I have to raise your children as well as mine?? This sort of, passive agressive post makes me crazy.. you are having a 2nd child already knowing you cannot provide for the first child.. unbelievable blugger! Get some birth control, get a job and get off benefits. Pay for your own kids!
While I don’t totally agree with this blog post I am a stay at home mum who receives benefits. When we had the children we were financially able to.support them. Now we are not. I don’t call myself a scrounge. I DID work hard until I had my children and I paid my taxes. As far as I’m concerned i am taking back what I put in. When both of my children are in full time school I will be going back to full time work but not before!
As for children who didnt have childminders etc having little or no social skills, my daughter started nursery this term. The teachers have all said that she gets on better with the other kids than those who have been there for 2 years. Her speech also better than a lot of the older kida at her group.
I sincerely hope that none of you hardworking mums has a change in circumstance that leads you to become a recipient of benefits and a victim of some of the judgements that you have shown on this blog!
I agree with this, benefits should be a short term solution when absolutley needed, especially when circumstances change for the worst. I also agree about taking back a bit of what you have put in.
i think we can all accept that there are 2 categories, benefit scroungers who have no intention of ever changing, and those that are in genuine need.
Oh and also we DO pay a private rent. And that is paid from my partners wages. The extra money we get buys food and clothing for my kids because afte all the bills we get there is nothing left from hubbys alary.
I have no problem with people being stay at home parents, but i don’t think they should be able to claim benefits. Different if u r a single mother or are ill etc. But u have made the choice to stay at home therefore u should make sure your partner is able to fully support u financially. Plus u will find it a lot harder to get a job once ur kids are at school. My daughter goes to her nans else we would of had to put her in a nursery, as we are not financially secure enough for me to give up work. I would love to be a stay at home parent, but i need to provide for my child rather than sponging off the state
I think she has a valid point to a degree…unfortunately life isn’t as black n white as that. Mums put their children into creche so they can keep the jobs they have had for years n don’t want to.loose. personnelly I feel that if you can a child should be at home with a parent/parents til rhetoric are about three and then go to nursery part time. As for the benefits this another grey area. Some mums n dads do get pregnant to get a flat n to get money of the government. British people don’t rrealise how lucky they are to have a government that does typist as a lot of countrys don’t. Myself I will.put my son into nursery when he is three n get a part time job….doing anything!!!! Good post xxxx
okay, I know some people don’t have a choice but to go back to work however you are doing whats best for your child/children so YOU are a good mom. I however am a stay at home mom, my husband works and supports but yes we do get some help and we survive. I cook, clean the house, make sure my both children have the attention they desereve, my day doesn’t end till my son has settled for the night which is around 11pm then the night feeds so i am FAR from lazy. My nan and grandad have made so much tax contributions to support us while we are on benefits so far as im concerned i am living off them no one else so i think you should take your judgmental comments and shove it up your backside to be quite honest! so you clearly don’t get child benefit or child tax credits then, no? Maybe you should phone them and say you don’t want these benefits as you don’t want to be deemed lazy! ill be happy to do this for you.
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world and heaven forbid if you ever lost your job and become “lazy” like the rest of us and had to survive on benefits! well good luck for you that you never have to be put in our situation.
Hmm. Not sure how to respond to all this. But safe time say I’m pretty p’d off at some of the attitudes
Yes I am a working mum. But I also claim child benefit, working tax credits and child tax credits. Aren’t these benefits, paid for by the taxpayer?
Which category am I in now? Terrible working mum? Or benefit sponger?
For the record if I lost my job I would claim everything I’m entitled to. And I’d be looking for work also. But here in the real world it can be extremely difficult to find work which fits around the needs of our children
And in response to the using contraception comments, IT FAILS SOMETIMES
Rraarrgghh!
i believe we are entitled to help when we have done everything we can to help ourselves. Just choosing to not work because we don’t like creche is a luxury. You are working but are also entitled to a subsidy, a totally different deal to just deciding to not work at all, just because…?
Benefits are supposed to be to assist/ supplement low incomes, or to help those who are unable to earn an income. In this instance, when it is a choice to just not work because “I don’t like creche” is selfish..my taxes ( which I have to put my child into care to earn) pay for this poster to stay at home all day…
and thanks sophia. =/
I agree with only having a baby if you are in financial position to and also what sophia says about if you choose to be a stay at home mum to make sure you can afford it as they shudnt get benefits but normally they dont. BUT a lot of people with multiple kids are on benefits thru NO fault of their own and noone shud judge before they know the facts. There are many wicked illnesses out there where you cant work and if sumone has a long life illness but want a child then why not, it all depends on the individual and noone has right to call sumone a benefit scrounger when they dont know the facts
I am a stay at home mum as my son who’s 4 in april has ASD, I receieve DLA +& Careers Allowance for him. He attends 2 sessions at the moment +& will be attending another aswell next month. My partner works so hard to provide for us +& does an amazing job. We’ve had it rough but finally gettin up on our feet better now he earns more which means tax credits have gone. Iv not receieved any benefits like help with rent +& council tax aparently I couldn’t because I live with my husband but tryin survive on 160 a week to pay for eveything is so hard. I didn’t want to be at home but my son is still dependent on me +& didn’t start school sepetember as were waiting for his classroom support but since he has attended his sessions he is coming on leaps +& bounds iv done so much with my son to get him where he is today but it doesn’t mean m’a bad mum cause I send him them sessions its good he’s around other children as he has a number of issues that can help him improve just being there. I don’t really agree with this blog cause you sudnt just sit at home just so u don’t miss out on seein ur childs 1st steps, smiles etc cause there is some very hard working parents out there who have no choice but to work to provide for there child. I am pregnant now so me going work is on hold a bit longer but if I went +& worked I’d be doin it for just childcare +& wud lose out as my husband wud have change how many hours he does when he gets a lot more then I would. Its everyones choice but u sudnt say what u have in this blog just cause parents send there child to nurseries etc r bad mums its disgusting. If they didn’t work u wudnt be able stay at home +& claim the benefits you do. Xx
My son has asd, waiting for diagnosis but he is hard work and I am always at various apointments for him
oooooh Emma i love a good debate!!!!
In actually quite mad reading this!!! Both my sons have been in nursery from a young age my eldest started at 6 months and youngest at 10 months I DO NOT regret putting them in nursery at also I could go out and earn money to buy them things with my own cash that I have earned and not been given by someone else! I’ve worked since I left school and didn’t think I would just give up just cause I had children! I have never missed any of there 1st smile laugh walk crawl words nothing!! It has helped them so much being in nursery with there social skills being around other children. I work 3 days a week and these are the days my son goes to nursery the other 2 he’s with me…. By working I’m teaching my children you have to work to get money to buy things! If I was to loose my job I would have to receive some sort of other benefit but my husband still works full time so we wouldn’t be entitled! I receive the normal ctc and cb now which is from myself also as a tax payer!
hold on so basically if you stay at home with ur children and ur oh works u should not claim benefits ? unluckily for some, alot of people thanks to the governments are on low wages and is it their fault they cannot support their family on this miniscule wage without the top up of income support or working tax credits ? i think some mums are looking at the smaller picture and being very judgemental ! if sahm are scrounging lazy arses then are go back to work mums are selfish and uncaring for their child?. works both ways people !
I’m a stay at home mum my partner works his wages are low but we pay full rent and ct we get no help what so ever because of my age if u went back to work my wages would only just cover child care so I might as well stay at home
People are to quick to judge but I do think if you able to work you should
To those saying being a stay at home mum is not easy-try being a working mum! Both me and my husband work,we hardly see each other because work opposite shifts in order to pay for our own children! However,all of those things you do as a stay at home mum;the cleaning,the washing,the night times-they still have to be done! So when I’m not in work I’m cooking,cleaning,shopping and busting my arse to bring up my children with morals and values! They go to nursery one day a week and They love it,this is not child abuse,its essential. The government benefits is not a bottom less pit,an endless supply of money for people to continue to procreate regardless of the financial aspect! I was on benefits when I was made redundant,for 3 weeks I claimed before finding another job! Here’s an idea-don’t have kids if you can’t afford them
Rth my while going to work and letting someone.else raiae my child them im going tSome of these comments are ridiculous! I worked full time up until having my first child and my husband works full time too. I had planned to return to work after my maternity leave but.foumd out it was just not worth it! I would have been going to work and paying travel costs and.childcare costs etc and ending up with no money left at the end after paying these, or I.could raise my child myself and receive tax credits. If the government are not going to make it worth my while to return to full time work and let somone else raise ky child then sorry but im going to ‘sit’ at home and ‘scrounge’ back in tax credits the money I put in when I did work full time. While my husband works to pay our mortgage, billsl, ridiculous fuel prices to even do the 50 mile roumd trip to work!
ok my hubby works , i stay at home ………… we dont spondge of benifit as if ur oh works ur not intitled to benfits apart from working tax child tax which i’m sure everyone commenting gets (WHICH IS A BENIFIT) and so is child BENIFIT , i’d love to work part time now Lewis is at perschool 3 days a week but i’d be paying out in child care cost more then i would bring home so kinda a no brainer, i personally dont like a child under 2 been in childcare myself while mother works full time as wat was the point of having a baby if u only see it 5pm till 9am really as 90% of that time the child will b sleeping but thats my own opinion,
BUT TO SIT ON UR HIGH HORSES SAYING WE SPONDGE OF BENIFIT WAT A CROCK OF POO ….. R OH WORK SO WE CAN’T GET BENIFITS APART FROM , WORKING TAX (n personal we get very lil) CHILD TAX AND CHILD BENIFIT WHICH EVREYONE IS INTITLED TO INCLUDING U LOT SLAGGING OF BENIFITS.
Many commenting on this forum seem to have a problem with reading what is actually written. Nobody has disparaged those on benefits for legitimate reasons i.e. Redundancy or ill health. Nobody has said that being a SAHM is easy or that they are lazy. And nobody critisized those having their income or partners income subsidised by tax credits or child benefit.
The criticism was to the highly judgemental author of the post who was very opinionated about mothers who work and therefore have to put their children in childcare. She seemed to think it was perfectly acceptable to have children that have to be supported by the benefits systems in order to be able to be fed, clothed and have a roof over their heads. She is pregnant again knowing this. This is truly shameful. And not something to be proud of. It does not make her a good mother or a good role model.
And yes, childcare is extortionate which is why many mothers find work they can do from home or set up small businesses from home. Many nurses and auxillaries and and cleaners and lower earners work at night and weekends when their husband is available to do childcare.
Have pride in yourself. Set a good example. At least make an effort to teach your children how to look after themselves and their future families.
Oh and two last points. If all of us mothers took your ‘moral high ground’ and stayed at home on benefits? The whole country would totally collapse.
And just because you ‘once had a job and paid some tax’? That does not entitle you to ‘take what you put in’. You are entitled to that when you are too ill or too old to work. Not otherwise
I am a stay at home mum to five kids. My youngest is two. i consider myself very lucky that i am able to do this as its a choice my partner and i made together. He works 9-6 five days a week on minimum wage and we claim wtc and child benefit. We could claim housing ben but choose not too just as a pride thing: we struggle sometimes but everyone has months where its more expensive than others i think.
I personally believe showing your children a strong work ethic is a good thing and some people become better parents for working as being at hime would druve them loopy, i myself love being my son. Knowing hes likely to be my last im spending my time with him while i can. A year from now he will be in nursery and we can talk about me working and that works for my family dynamic, but everyones different.
I think its a hard one to say whats right or wrong.
Maybe I should of said that we are low income. My husband earns min wage £900 pm I earn £700 pm our mortgage/bills etc are £1000pm after food we have about £40 a week left. We do not claim tax credits as apparently we earn too much- think you need to earn below £26,000pa for one child to be eligible – last year our earnings where £27,000 our mortgage is £80,000 if we can do it without benefits the rest of you lazy scroungers can!
Stop making babies you can’t afford get of your lazy arses and work to pay- to whoever said OH pays private rent and benefits pay rest – you shouldn’t have kids you can’t afford get a job!!!!
Ive done both jobs…. worked since i was 14 3 jobs! one was in a pub cause they thought i was older. Didn’t finish school worked 2 jobs got pregnant worked till was 19…. years later im not working and 32 shortly, im just planning my 7th child all planned as all my other children…… if im on benefits when it happens then so what? All you morons judging need to fall of your soap boxes and have a reality check…… life it was it is…. do what makes you happy, if u want to stay at home with your children and claim benefits… go for it we live in a country that allows you to do it. And for the ones who are quick to judge the stay at home mums???? ask yourself…. where would you rather be??????????????????????????????
OMFG this makes me angry , some people cannot afford a mortage or have a good credit rating to even get a mortage!
I am on the dole though no fault off our own, OH was working a very well paid job till 18 months ago (when i was 8 months pregant ) he was made redunant, It was a shock, i was/am a stay at home mum and tbh we cannot afford to live with 3 kids, we cant go on days out, buy clothes for ourselfs its awfull,
This year we have spent the best part saving for OH to go and do a training course so he can get a lisence and get back into work !! how is that lazy, or wanting to be a stay at home mum? I got pointed the finger at by a so called friend by being on the dole where in actuall fact we IIVED off our savings and used the CTC and CB to get by other wise ….. \
find some other ways of making money then? x
No-one is saying you are lazy! You are doing everything possible to support yourself..The blog poster is not trying to. She is on the dole BY CHOICE , the very opposite of your situation.
This isn’t sitting on a soapbox, this is tax paying working people feeling ripped off that someone is deliberately sitting at home on her arse, letting the rest of the nation fund her lifestyle.
Yes we live in a nation that allows it, but for every penny handed to someone who doesn’t need it, there is less and less money for those who actually need it. Less for disability support, less for aged care support, less for carers support, less for education and healthcare. Spongers are bleeding the coffers dry.
I had my first 2 children when i was 22 and 23 and felt I had no choice but to work to support them along with my husband. I worked crazy hours around them in a not so great job so the only person that suffered was me. As they began school i was able to change hours to work when they were at school and looking back am amazed how much I sacrificed for them. they are at High school now and I also have a 2 and 3 year old. i was made redundant whilst expecting number 3, and have chosen to not work since then and I don’t claim benefits. Whilst we dont have money we do have more time which is priceless. I make all our meals from scratch which is far cheaper and healthier. yes its a struggle but we are all happy as we are. One day I will go back to work when it is right for all of us.
ok i wasnt going to comment but me not comment aint happening ! i worked since 14 iv had my own business since 16 i have 2 kids and 4 stepkids 2 with special needs ! the last 6 month have been difficult iv had to shut my icecream vans down shut up my shop and start claiming income support child benifit the lot even dla thanks to all these mummys ! i dont know why i didnt stop working before this i love staying at home with my kids ! just cos im staying at home doesnt mean its not hard work and challengeing i have a 15 year old boy with the mentle age of a 3 year old to look after with special needs as wel as other kids to look after id love to go and work but iv been there my kids never saw me ! thought the baby sitter was there mother !
@lazyssmother ! LOVE TO HEAR BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE….. BUMS CAN SIT AND COMMENT AND “HIGH END” CAN COMMENT…. THEN YOU GET REALITY! WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Claiming ctc, wtc and child benefit no one has a problem with. But if u have chosen to be a sahm i don’t think you should be entitled to housing benefit or jobseekers, as u r not looking for a job. We were unable to claim when my hubby was made redundant as i worked, so it annoys me that ppl chose not to work and can claim it. Its different if your child is ill/disabled as you are their carer. But i think children need to see parents working to understand the value of money. My dad left my mum when i was a year old and she still managed to work part time to support us.
For the past year we have been on jsa through no choice of our own. I start a new job in 2 weeks an my husband will be a sahd. Whilst some if you may not agree with this we decided this to be our best choice as my hours a week won’t ever be the same so can’t sort a child minder etc easily to work around hours. I see no problem our child having a parent at home. My children either are at school or my husband takes our youngest to playgroups. I think some of these comments are really not needed an just out to cause an argument an upset. You need to jump off your high horse an except everyone brings there children up differently whether that is being a sahm or working xx
I can’t help but feel angered at this post, yet at the same time i can understand where the poster is coming from. I have worked every day possible since turning 11 (insurance and work laws were different then) and my partner has worked every day since he was 12. We had our first child when I was 22 and are expecting out second now. We both work full time, yet our total annual income is just short of 18000. We don’t qualify for HB as we both work so pay full rent, full bills and everything ourselves. Our monthly expenditure is just short or 1200. We don’t get WTC as they say we don’t earn enough, and have to fork out 70% of our childcare costs ourselves as they don’t agree with the amounts that we pay even though they have contacted the nursery. I hate sending my daughter to nursery, it breaks my heart that she learns things there and does firsts there and not with me at home. But if I gave up my job, we couldn’t afford to live. We’d lose our house. Once baba number two is here, I have to go pretty much straight back to work so that baby will be in nursery as well. Yes it means forking out more money, however without it I can’t work and we can’t survive. I would like nothin more than to give up work and stay at home, raise my kids and have them with me all the time, I could claim the benefits available, and we would actually probably be better off. But I can’t. I believe that money is set aside for those that need it. Those that have no choice. I’m angered by th fact that it seems the poster has chosen to use that money for what I feel are very selfish reasons. Most people don’t choose to be on benefits, but it is those that do that give others the reputation of being “scroungers”.
Im a SAHM for the moment… due to the fact i have been working for the past 5 years on a holiday resort where i lived on the site… due to me having my daughter im no longer allowed to stay on the site and decided to move the 100 miles back to be with family after my fiance left me 3 months pregnant… so right now im not working… my daughter is 8 months old… i claim benefits but only recently as my maternity pay had finished… do i feel guilty… no i dont….. i dont agree with people that leave school at 16…. dont work… sign on every week for years with no intention of ever finding work because they are payed to sit on their arses….. and then pop out a few kids and claim more money…..
I however do not feel guilty in the slightest as i have worked for the past 8 years even after losing my baby and going through a very traumatic time… nearly losing my own life due to being so ill….. i went stright back to work a month later just so i wasnt claiming money i didnt think i could justify claiming….. because i didnt agree with it when i saw others not working and getting money….
I do intend to go back to work…. but not untill i am ready… i want my child to see me have a good career and for her to understand the importanc of working for everything we have….. but for the moment i am going to go back to college to better myself in order to get a better job and a stable income….. so yup… means im claiming benefits… but then if its so wrong why are we allowed to claim them?? I can see people have a problem with “sponging off the government” but i see no problem with it for the moment as i intend to go back to work… not pop out a few more kids so i can stay living off the social…. and i have worked for the past 8 years… paying MY taxes… so i dont feel at all guilty…
The problem isnt with the people claiming the benfits… its the government for making things so easy!!! You dont have to go back to work till your youngest is 5 years old…. so they are letting people claim benefits while their kids grow up….. and then when they are 5 why not pop out another kid…. its the GOVERNMENT that let this happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im a stay at home mum on benefits, Dont get me wrong id love to work but 1. I dont like the thought of leaving my children && 2. I suffer from bad depression and anxiety so cant even leave my house alone so getting a job is out of the picture. My OH is looking for a decent paying job that he can support us with and until then we will carry on claiming. None of my children were planned i got caught while on the pill when i was 16 with my first then again when i was 17 with my daughter,
im a stay at home mum, but also a full time career for my special needs daughter, she has been with me 24/7 since she was born 16 months ago, she gets upset if i am not near her, there is no way i could leave her with a stranger while im out working, my daughter needs me at home so that is where i will be x
Im a stay at home mum on benefits I tried to work while preg but gt told nt to bother as I was really ill a lot I don’t work ATM due to reasons I’d rather nt say Am I a bad mum as I’m on benefits I dnt think so
@vicky – same here hun there’s so many people involved isn’t there but so glad my son has been diagnosed now cus I no that he’s gettin the help +& support he needs. He can be a hand full at times but he amazes me he’s so unique
hope u don’t have wait much longer for ur lo’s diagnosis if ya ever need chat m’here. U can get dla +& careers when u have the diaignosis hun xx
Why are you all bitching and judging each other over how the children you have are bought up? At the end of the day it is each to their own and its no one else’s business how people live. There are people out there who are sponging of the government like my ex an his girlfriend for example, both are scamming the government by saying they live in 2 separate flats which their landlord has allowed so both get full HB, both claim JSA both again separate claims yet only pay HB for one flat and sit on their arses all day drinking an smoking weed. Neither looking for a job, wheres the sense in that? I dont see people having a go at people like that! There are junkies and alcoholics out their scrounging a hell of a lot more out ot the government and tax payers than SAHM’s.
I was a SAHM for 4 years and was out of work for 5 years from when I was 19 until just before my 24th birthday. Purely because I had too because the job I was in was no job for a pregnant woman. I had worked from the age of 12 as a paper girl then in a shop as well as other retail jobs when finally ending up giving up my job as a ride operator at the pleasure beach. My son is now 4 years old has a disability so I claim DLA for him and I only have carers allowance for me neither of which are benefits that are affected by me working. So technically my full time job is my son’s full time carer and mum thats the way it will always be now. No I do not claim income support or JSA or Income Support, only CTC , CB, HB and council tax which I am entitled too. I work 6 hours a week when my son is with his dad and aunty for the weekend. It works well for us, yes I still claim some benefits but I cant afford my house otherwise and in all honesty I top up my rent quite a bit each month so its not like I do not contribute to my home, I also save up my wages from work if I want a treat for myself where as my son gets what he needs from his DLA. Not that I really should have to explain myself to people about how I spend my money but yes most of it goes on bills, food and anything my son needs as he always has and always comes 1st. I do take all the overtime at work I can get especially when I need the money.
Having been on both sides of the fence I can say neither are harder than the other they are just the same, only one is slightly better paid than the other. I feel people need to stop judging each other because at the end of the day we all do the best we can with what we can. No one is a better parent just because they work or are a SAHM everyone has different parenting skills and different ways of doing things. Shouldn’t we all just say well lets forget our differences and what we think about SAHM / working mums and help each other out. Fair enough we wont always agree with what the other half is doing, but thats not what being a parent is all about. Being a parent is about being able to provide for your children, care for and love them. It does NOT matter HOW you do this weather through benefits or through working.
Some people need to get off their high horses and put their differences aside and say well ‘I may not agree with how you do things but I will support your decision’
My little girl is 8. I work between 35 and 40 hours a week. while I’m at work either my little girls dad (who also works a full time job) my mum and dad (who also work full time jobs) help look after her and do you know what?? I’m proud of that!!! I’m proud of my nice house that I worked hard to achieve for me and my family. I’m proud that I work hard to put food on the table for me and my family. I’m proud that I deserve everything I have because I worked hard for everything I have got!! My little girl even understands the importance of getting a job when she’s older and appreciates what we have and how we have it.
I’ve watched my little girl grow up, I go to her parents evenings, assembly’s and school plays, I was there for her first smile, word, step. and do you know what?? I also worked full time
Benefits are designed to help people who NEED benefits. People that are sick or disabled, people that have been made redundant whilst they are trying to find another job and have no other source of income or savings. It is NOT intended for people that are capable of work but can’t be bothered to find a job and use there children as an excuse not to work. You can sit there and convince yourself that “you haven’t got an option” til your blue in the face but along as you can walk, talk and genuinely feel well in yourself you have got an option and you should be working or actively seeking work rather than sponge off the state which £235.72 a month comes out of MY wages that I work my arse off for!!!
You know something??!! you DO NOT have the right to sit there all high and mighty and judge us mums that do work because if it wasn’t for us working mum and our outrageously high amounts of tax that comes out of OUR money that we worked hard for and rightfully earned you would have to get your finger out and earn your own money because where would the money come from???
Being a sahm whilst you are fit to work is nothing to be proud!!!
Each to their own I say no one ha the right to tell a mum to go to work or stay at home just do what u need to do in order to look after our baby x
I went back to work 8 weeks after having my son! We needed the money and as soon as I find a full time job my 2 year old will be going to nursery, It’s not healthy for her to be with me all day every day we need a break from eachother and she needs to be with kids her own age a little bit more xx
I went back to college when caitlan was 9months old yes i worried that i might miss out on somethings of her life but i was able to pop over to her as much as i wanted (mainly to feed her as she was bf and i couldnt express) every break i got i would go and feed her even eating my dinner in there it was hard work and tiring but in my eyes necessary for me to better myself and get a future career to help raise my lil girl. Caitlan is now 3 in december and although i now do a night course at college she still goes to nursery 10 hours as she fully enjoys it and i see it as benificial to her she has learnt and can do so much from being at nursery things that i dont think she would be doing if she was with me all the time not because i couldnt be bothered ect just because some of the things they do i wouldnt think about if that makes sense caitlan has never once called anyone else mummy although she used to call my mam “mam” for a while but that was due to hearing me say mam all the time so she copied but shes outgrown that phase now i do understand what this lady is saying tho but nursery isnt that bad a place and i think it really benifits a child also some people like myself have no other alternative i was 17 when i had caitlan so didnt really work before hand i went straight to college after school and found out i was pregnant at end of first year took one year out (in which i trinaed to be a bf peer supporter) and then went straight back if i stayed at home until caitlan was at school than in my opinion it would be so much harder for me to gain my qualifications and find a job so i dont regret my decisions in the slightest xx
I’m a single stay at home mum. Does that mean i sponge of the goverment…. NO! When i had my child i was in a relationship and we coped just fine on our own. But he turned out to be a dirty dog! So i had no choice but to go on benefits because i couldnt support us alone! I still can’t.
I worked since i left school and my tax money went to people who were in situations like mine. I paid my taxes so people can sit on there backsides all day smoking drugs and drinking beer, and i needed to take some time out to get me and my son back on track, I claimed benefits during that time, because i feel i have worked and put into the pot, so why shouldnt it help me and my family when needed. Instead of all these forieners we seem to be paying for.
i am a sahm, and although i can relate to your post i can see why some mums do work. At the end of the day, what works for one family/mother doesnt work for another. There is no right or wrong way to bring your kids up in their first years x
I think that this post does come accross as a bit judgemental. I am a SAHM and i love that. Its whats right for our family at the moment.Neither options make you a bad mum, its whats right for you at the time! I do want to work part time soon tho xxxx
i am a sahm and i love it though i do have my days were i think oh man i wish i cud go to work just a few hrs were i dont have to worry if i have food on the back of my jeans, or worry about changing bums n clean faces!!! i love my babies but i am a person to. i decided to be a sahm mum cos i was running a nightclub too and it wasall heavy lifting and running around nd was too much on my body. i do NOT regret my dessions and i never will!! my oh has an amazing job so we have been lucky that way, my eldest is 2 and has been going to nursery since she was 2 and she loves it, and for the 2 yrs were i had her with me 24/7 she loved tht to i have seen her develop and grow cos of going. so i see the bad side nd the good side!!!
when i was 17 i worked in a nuresry an they took babies from 6weeks – 4 yrs now a little girl had been going everyfday since she was 6 weeks, and the lady who looked after her was the person she called mummy, the little girl was confused of y she had to go with someone else
WOW i understand where this women is coming from as my sister’s work in a privet nursery and they say if they ever got pregnant then they would come out of work as they know how some people treat kids and also how it could have some kind of affect on the children my sister’s have a few kids that actually have called them mum which i prob would be upset over but then on another note some people have to put kids in to a creche because they have to work to feed they children or to keep a roof over there heads some people dont have a choice my daughter go’s to school 3 times a week and a creche 2 times a week so i can better myself and no my maths and english i was in full time work when i became pregnant (i was told i cudnt have kids) i worked up until being 30 weeks pregnant and then while i was on leave i was made redundant so not always do people live on benefits because they want to but because they need to i would love to find a job and go back to work but at the min i can’t with my depression but im over coming it and hoping to be back up and running and in work in the next 12 months i wish every one the best of luck and well done to people that work and look after the children as well i no how hard it is xxx
Each to their own x
Would just like to say I am a SAHM and my partner works, we don’t ‘sponge’ and once my youngest (who is my last child) is in school I will go out and get a job too, financially we’d be much worse off if we had tro fork out 2 lots of childcare! x
easch to their own but me personally i dont like it , ur los do so much in there first 2 yrs i’d b scared incase i missed something xx