The Doctor Brushed Off My Depression – Depression Diary
One of the members of my Facebook Mums Group has asked if she can contribute her daily battles with depression on the blog, what depression feels like was her first day. Here is how this depressed mum spends her day. Please note this is a REAL mum and a REAL encounter of how dangerous depression can be. This mum I am in constant touch with and she is seeking medical assistance.
3:08pm - Well I told the doctor about my moods, told him about my score on the Edinburgh mental health test being 20 and all I got was “we’ll keep an eye on it and maybe go down the psychotherapy route”. Psychotherapy?! I talk to Rob, I tell him everything and I talk to people on mum’s group and tell them anything, what on earth does he think someone with a PhD can tell me that other people who have been through it can’t? Rob thinks I should go back next week and see someone else. I really don’t think I’ll bother as I’ll just get fobbed off again. Shouldn’t of bothered today really and wish I hadn’t. I feel so let down and so low again.
8:25PM - At the minute I’m just feeling really low and there’s no particular reason for it. Rob’s pretty much taken over care of Imogen today as I just don’t want to be near her at the minute, she can do better than me. I really don’t know what to do about the doctors, I don’t want to go back for them to try and put me through counselling when I’ve had counselling before, it doesn’t work for me. Maybe I will just put up with it and see if it goes away eventually, I just don’t want Rob to fall out with me over it. Can’t believe the doctor dismissed my thoughts, I thought they were supposed to help but all today has done is make me feel worse and put me off anymore help.
11:06PM - Just woken up. That’s all I seem to do these days is sleep but if I go to bed I lie awake for hours and just can’t sleep. Rob seems to be having a go at me again, or maybe I’m having a go at him? Maybe it’s always my fault; I did use an odd tone of voice with him because he didn’t give me the answer I wanted. Maybe any answer he gave me would of been wrong? I’m still feeling so so low, I really just want to fade out of this world and stop existing. My children are too young to notice or understand that I’m gone and it’d be so much better for them. Suppose I best find the motivation to do the pots if I don’t fall to sleep again.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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