Mummy Says These Are Nice Friends
Should we choose our kids friends?
My son has a friend who I am not that fond of, should we choose our kids friends so that they only associate with those kids we feel are a good influence on them?
We live in a nice area and the children local to us are all very well-mannered except one child, who through no fault of his own is not monitored and much left to his own devices, often resulting in behaviour mine would not dare to be a part of.
I have heard him using language that is not expected from a child his age; he has no thought for others and damages property on a regular basis. Is it wrong of me to advise my own kids to stay clear?
I do not want others to see this child and think mine are the same due to them being together, I am afraid mine will be led astray or become caught up in a smashed car window incident after throwing stones or being branded “bad kids”.
My kids are far from little angels but they know not to damage other people’s goods and to always apologise, be kind and considerate to others and of course to share. I want my children to have good morals and standards towards others.
Children are greatly influenced by others and I would much rather the influence came from a good setting than a bad.
When the children ask if they can have friends in I admit if its “that child” I always say no.
Am I wrong to say that I should choose our kids friends or should it be up to them?
About The Real Supermum
I think as parents we should steer our children in the right direction and I think the same goes for their friends. If you feel this child is going to drag your child down the wrong route then you have the right to stop it. I have a friend in a similar situation. Everytime her boy plays with this other boy he is like a different child. He is nasty, steals, fights yet when he is away from said boy he is lovely. Said boy also comes out with disgusting language such as asking someone to give him a sexual favour!! The said boy is 7!! So as a parent you do what is best for your child.
I guess I am more bothered about what the neighbours will think, if you have 1 child known to be naughty they will assume others playing with him are too …
i don’t think we should, we can disaprove and explain y we r not keen ect but we can not stop a child having friends just because we dont like them same as we can not pick n choose who r children date xx
Oh Angie I have disapproved and said I have told you not to play with him as he will get you into trouble…
i’d say ‘if u play with him/her then u to will get into trouble and told of like him/her and get called a naughty child as well’ but i wouldn’t say ‘u must never play with that child’ as they will regardless ie at school ect , guess we can control wat r children do out of school n up2 school age but once they r in school then we cant really do much as we can explain to a teacher r concerns n if the teacher thinks they should b separated in class then so b it but in the playground we dont really have a choice who r children play with xx
I believe as a parent its my job to steer my son in the right direction. If that means stopping him having a close relationship with the ‘naughty’ child then so be it. i wouldnt tell him who he can be friends with as he still needs to make decisions for himself aswell, but ill always be there keeping an eye!
Its not that I have said dont be his friend – just dont play with him
Hehe same difference really!
I think as parent we should encourage our children to play/ be friends with the children we like. i am forever telling my kids to stay away from different children
See Kiri you think like me after all we only what the best for our kids and sometimes that means being with good role models
I think its wrong to tell our children who they can and can’t be friends with. We can advise them, but ultimateley I think its upto them. If they know the difference between right and wrong then they should walk away if any of their friends get involved in anything they shouldnt
I dont tell them they cant be friends with just not to play with them
I do it in a nice way
I think as children get older (secondary school) age it is impossible as a parent to say dont be friends with him or her but as a young child if they know the sort of friends parents approve of they are more likely to befriend that sort of person later in life (i hope) xx
Thats what I am hoping, I know all too well it is so easy to fall in with the wrong crows as I did just that
My lb is 2 so not got this prob yet but will help steer him in the right direction. He goes to a childminders with a lb and he’s an angel wen there but from his mums statuses he’s a lil bugger. I’ve invited him to my sons party so will get to c how he is with my son then. xx
Steering in the right direction is what I do, its not like I ban them just rather nicely say lets not play with them why not go ask such and such to come and play
Same as Emma i dont want my kids to do things i have done and will do everything in my power to make sure they dont xx
I remember my parents never told me certain people were not good for me so I went down that route
would u stop ur child from been friends with say a gypsy child ect or would it b just ‘naughty children’
i just think children also like us have to learn who they should b friends with as after all we can not dictate to r children on life lessons we have to let them fall on there own but b there to help them up n this goes 4 bad friendships as well , ok if the ‘naughty child’ was really bad like i said i would explain to my child that wat the ‘naughty child’ is doing is wrong ect xx
Not at all Angie unless they were little shits like this child is – I dont blame the child I blame the parents. I want my kids to go the park and play on the swings not throw stones at passing cars.
I think all you can really do is show your disapproval of this friendship… as a child you normally do the opposite to what your parents say regarding friends. I was told not to be friends with someone as they were always in trouble, it made me want to be friends with them all the more. I think its probably just better to try and monitor the best you can what your child is doing. Try and steer them in the right direction without making them feel like your telling them what to do if that makes sense xx
I try not to make an issue of it but if they are with a nice friend then they get to come inside and watch dvds etc
I see 2 sides here, one I understand you don’t want your child associated with trouble and for them to pick up bad habits off this child but on the other hand if everyone believes this child is naughty and a bad influence then he is part of the self-fulfilling prophecy, make a child feel something enough and they’ll start to believe it. He’ll see oh them and them and them think I’m bad so I must be bad. From a psychological point of view you are doing the child more damage by not allowing him the same courtesy you do the other children on the street. My sons not even 2 yet so all his friends are chosen for him because they are the children of women I have befriended but when he’s in nursery/school etc and chooses his own friends I hope I can accept them all.
I do know the so called friend has stole from his friends parents houses – I dont want that around my kids or my home
No I belive if their bought up right they will no right from wrong and not copy others,theirs lessons to be learnt in life,however I would have a word with my kids n remind then just because some others they hang around with act bad it doesn’t me u should
Yes Shellie there is no way I could ever ban them but making them see what he does it wrong is all I can do
If every parent said don’t play with that boy,the poor kid will have no friends,mayb being around more behaved kids will make him change his ways,I would just keep reminding my kids,that some of the things the boy does will get him in trouble and if they take part in the trouble making then they won’t b able to play with him anymore….my mum used to tell me not to hang around with certain people the more she said it the more I done it x
I do feel sorry for the child but I dont want my kids being spoken to with the f word in every sentence I dont use it so why should a 8 year old child?
ridiculous………I was never told who I could/couldn’t hang around with……………I’m sure as hell not gonna impart it on my kids
So Chris you would be happy for your child to play with another child who breaks car windows, destroys your property, will steal from your house?
If anything like that did happen, I’d deal with it………………..just as my parents did with me. I grew up on a council estate and getting into trouble, whether it be with parents or police, was part of life. You live and learn. In this day and age, we can’t simply wrap our kids up in cotton wool and we can’t be around them 24/7. The best we can do is teach right from wrong and respect. Yes, they’re going to trip up and make mistakes. But, didn’t we all??
Its not the same differnce because unless my child gets in trouble with the ‘bad’ child I will not have a problem with it x
Would you prefer your child not to get into trouble in the first place?
I think I’d be the same, my mother did the same thing too. When me or my sister had a ‘friend’ that was seen as naughty she’d discourage us to play with them and if we wouldn’t we’d be stopped from going out at all until the child in question was no longer interested. Overall it was a good thing she did as it did greatly keep us out of trouble and when I look at were them people are now I’m glad she did what she did even if I hated her for it at the time as I thought they were my ‘friends’. I’d do the same now I think, stop my kids from playing with the ‘naughty ones’ so they don’t bring my children down to their level! Nobodys kids are angels but nobody wants a child who goes round deliberately being rude, distructive and disobedient x
We as parents are just trying to protect our kids and try to keep them safe
to me thats a bit harsh on the child … ie ur stopping inside till the ‘naughty child’ lose interest in them so ur punshing a child 4 something they not done n not been naughty 4 , my opinion sorry xx
My mum was always the same if she didn’t like the child for many reasons she wouldn’t let them stay over yes she let us hang around with people she wasn’t sure on but they weren’t aloud in our home I know it sounds bad but I’m glad she did as those ‘friends’ are regular drug users x
See thats my point they do play with this kid I cant stop that but hes not to come in our house simple so if they wanna have friends sleep other they know to choose another nicer kid
their is a child who is ‘friends’ with my older son and he does my head in, he’s bent my sons fingers back and hit him , my son was always taught not to hit and since hes been at school ive had to change that to ‘you dont hit first’ if someone hits him then he has been told he has my permission to hit them back, now my son has starting standing up for himself hes been told off by the teachers, only a couple of times. ive told my son to not hang around with him anymore and any time he starts being naughty about anything to walk away from him and ignore him
So you have the same as me a troubled child causing hassle for your kids – its not nice is it so you see my point
i completely see your point, we spend time and effort raising kids to know right from wrong and i wouldnt like my child misbehaving because someone hasnt done that with their child
See i would do it for a different reason. Such as if i knew the parents were on drugs or alcoholics i would try to steer my child away from theirs as i wouldn’t want my child around people like that! X
He does not live with parents due to drugs/alcohol and yes I have come face to face with his lovely mother a few times after she threatened to hit one of my kids as her son had lied
well i definatly wouldn’t want my child around people like that! imagine if they kept asking your child round for tea! there is no way i would let my daughter near them!
Hmm this is a hard one. I wouldnt want my children playing with a child like that. I would advise against it but I won’t tell them who they can be friends with etc. and the end of the day if your children know to respect others And not damage property erc then I don’t see the problem.
I would try and encourage my child to not play with the naughty child but I would not choose my child’s friends because they have to learn how to choose their friends themselves as its all about learning
Funny my hubby and I were talking about this the other day. As my son is only just over 1 years old I do pick who he plays with. I don’t steal or treat people or their possessions badly and I expect that from my children so I would guide him in his decisions until he’s at senior school then I hope that the parenting I have given him helps him make the right decisions.
I also had friends when I was younger that my parents hated and I think I did it to upset them. But looking back I see how it upset them but it made me realise I didn’t want to be anything like these so called friends and it made me proud that my parents had guided me in to the person I am today.
It’s difficult. I would prefer certain kids to not hang around with my sons. but so far all I’ve had is kids who are messy, and one time a friend made a comment saying “I’ll tell people you hit me” to my oh when he was winning against him on the 3DS. Obviously I let the mother know.
I think it’s jealousy which make some of their friends act like this. As much as I say to them “oh he’s ruining your toys” etc, my kids have the choice to say to them “I don’t want you to play with me any more,” which they have done plenty of times.
The boys still need friends and at least when they are all in my house and garden they ain’t out on the street trying to beat one another with sticks.
I think we have to let our children pick their own friends. There are good in all kids and even if a child has done bad things you address that behaviour with your child and tell the, why it is bad to do it because they have to learn despite the behaviour of the children around them. If your child forges a close friendship with a child at school then you don’t allow them to play together outside of school you run the risk of your child resenting you for stopping them then I believe they are more likely over time to find deceitful ways of spending time with said friend. Also it is as someone said like a “self fulfilling prohecy”.
Sure be aware of past bad behaviour but treat the “naughty” child with respect and kindness and you are more likely to inspire a change I that time. Treat a child with mistrust and I think that’s what you’ll get back.
My son is friends with the “naughty boy” at school, being at the school I see real goodness and sweetness in the boy. I know he has a troubled background and i think he deserves more compassion for that. Kids are always learning, by making a child feel “not good enough” or rejected what effect might tht have?
This is just my opinion x
think that as parents we can only guide our children to who we think they should be friends with, we can’t turn around say you will not see/speak/play with that child, I believe that that will just make them rebel and want to see/speak/play with them more. When my daughter is older I will be leaving her to decide who her own friends are but I will try guide her away from them. However if in future she has someone at school that continually does something to her or hassles her then I will tell her to stay away and I will tell her the same as I was told when I was younger ‘if they hit you, you hit them back’ I will give her my permission 100% x
I believe we should allow our children to pick their own friends, but at the same time tell them that by hanging around with the naughty child what they are getting themselves in too. if it was ronan to come home and start acting up telling me one of his friends does it and his parents dont care then i will explain to him why he shouldnt copy off all of his friends and shouldnt let them tell him what to do. i would also try talking to that childs parent about their childs behavior and if the child still dont change then i will ask ronan not to hang around with him. at the end of the day all children try to push boundaries and will play up and do things they shouldnt. but this is where parents step in and teach their children right from wrong xx
I wouldn’t want Sid playing with children who are going to be a bad influence on him. Because it wont be long before the child is getting him to do it and you never no the child might force him to do something and even turn violent on them for them not dong what the child wants them to do. Not saying that all really naughty children are like that but it can happen. I wouldn’t say you cant be friends with them but if I really didn’t like them and thought they were really not good for him I would say to him and make sure they didn’t play together xx
I’d probably do the same. I wouldn’t want my girls getting involved with the naughty kids.
Personal experiences have shown me how easily kids can get caught up and end up on the wrong tracks down to the friends they keep x
I would be the same and tell them s/he will get them into trouble x
I dont think i would tell me lo not to play with certain children but if i saw that child do/say something i didnt approve of infront of her id let my lo know its not acceptable for her to do the same. x
i know what this feels like from a childs point of view i had a friend who was a complete cow my parents told me to stay away but i styed friends with her for many years even persuaded my parents to take her to cyprus with us for 2 weeks… my parents were eventually right as soon as we came home from a lovely holiday she was horrid… and to this day is still a very selfish girl she is now 23 and still do not speak from the horrid things she said… i will be choosing my sons friends as much as possible give them the bennifit of the doubt yes but if i see them being rude, damaging others property etc i will explain to my children why they cannot be friends with the other child… sorry but thats my opinion x
Some timeS I think you have to step in