My Teen Used To Be So Helpful – What Happened?
Should Kids Have To Earn Money?
The husband and I are at war because my thirteen year old daughter has become increasingly lazy and unhelpful around the home. Only this morning she left toast crumbs and the buttered knife on the worktop. How hard is it to quickly wipe the side down?
The argument started late last night when she informed us she needed £30 on Friday as she has arranged to go bowling with a friend. While I am happy she is getting out and doing fun activities I am a little annoyed that she has agreed to this as she has no money to finance this outing.
£30 is also a large sum of money for me to pull out of thin air, the phone bill needs paying, it’s my mums birthday tomorrow and I still need to buy a gift and the husband has arranged a rare night out with friends on Saturday night. We don’t have spare cash, simple.
All three children aged 9,10 and 13 are given weekly pocket money of £10.00 each, if they complete a simple list of chores each week.
To be honest my 10 year old Casey is amazing and so eager to help and loves cleaning. Her bedroom is spotless and never fails at receiving her pocket money at the end of the week. My 9 year old Cameron is a different kettle of fish altogether, he thinks tidying his room’s means to shove everything under his bed or into drawers, if you can’t see it its tidy in his eyes.
The three youngest children aged 2,3 and 4 know that at the end of the day they have to help pick up all the toys strewn across the living room and pack them back into the toy boxes, they do this without being asked, its part of their daily routine.
The chores I expect from the eldest children are nothing major, they do not include washing up or hovering. They are expected to do simple things like making their beds and opening their blinds on a morning. I can go up at tea time and find my teenager bed still unmade and the blind closed. It looks bad from outside is my argument, its laziness and nothing else.
At thirteen I had a paper round, was ironing and helping around the home.
Here my teenager has no idea that dirty clothes even go into the wash basket provided. She used to be so helpful what changed?
Maybe it’s just a phase? I don’t like mess and she is happy to wallow in it, it does not make for an easy life.
“She is getting nothing as she does nothing” my husband says
While I am left feeling guilty and a bad mother that she will have to tell her friend’s mother that she can no longer go with them as she has no money. Surely it’s my responsibility to provide for her, but at what cost? Should she have to earn her money?
It does not help that she is one of six children while many of her friends are an only child. Most of her friends are overly spoilt and want for nothing. They are the first to get the latest fashion trends where my teen has to wait until either it’s a special occasion such as their birthday or I have extra money.
I know that my husband is right to say no. That she should be earning her pocket money and I have to stop running around picking up after her, but why am I feeling such a failure.
Join In Our Argument – Who Is Right The Husband Or Me?
About The Real Supermum
Matt is right. I used to be just like that – still kinda am. You can expect your child to do nothing and get money for it, world doesn’t work that way. Don’t you feel guilty,
It hasn’t helped me in the long run, I’m not house proud and quite lazy, I do the basics and get distracted easily (I’m supposed to be tiding now lol)
I think your husband is right.. She is a trenager and should know better that if she wants something she could atleast help a little, my oh says the same when my son is okder he wants my son to realise that money does not grow on trees and he needs to earn it. I can imagine why you feel guilty but giving in will just lead her to think she will get what she wants even without doing stuff so it will make her even worse i think.. I should know as i was exsctly the same at that age until i got older and realised that i should have and could have done more for my parents and wish they didnt let me get away with it x
Your husband is correct so she should be helping out in the household to earn her pocket money for outings with friends completely agree with him there, and your far from a failure at all! Xx.
I think hubby is right this time she’s old enough now to do simple task for Pocket money,if jobs not dun then why shud she be given into when the others all do theres,if u keep giving in then she wont do chores at all and thats how we all started by doing the most simplest of things and how wud other kids feel if they do there bit and she dusnt it will cause lots of argument i think,but it up to u how u do it,everyone is diffrent hun .x
I think your both right yes she is old enough to know she has to earn her pocket money and do as she is asked. but as a parent it is down to us to fund our childrens entertainment
You are both right to a certain extent but I’m afraid I’m going to side with Matt on this one. She could do alot more to help and earn her pocket money let alone the simple task you ask of her that she fails to do. The value of money has to be learnt by saving for such activities that cost that bit more. £30 IS alot of money ! Why are you feeling guilty ? You provide everything she needs and more, time for some tough love hunni x
Matt in my eyes is right at 13 she has a list to complete each day n if she can’t do these things then it shouldnt be rewarded. Although I would feel bad too that she couldn’t go but stick to ur guns and compromise?? Xx
Your husband is right. She already gets £10 per week and now wants an additional £30…. That’s 3 weeks extra money!!! Children need to learn that a) they need to budget and b) that money has to be earnt. Since she has a few more days before Friday, why not talk to her about these points and then offer her the opportunity to do some extra jobs in return for the money to go out. If she really wants to go, she’ll help….as a parent it is important that we teach our children lessons for life- however harsh or difficult it may seem at the time! Good luck!
I have the same problem I have 6 kids and its hard when their friends get “everything they want” I bought my daughter a nail kit from ebay for bout £35 including the lamp, told her to learn nails she watched you tube videos and practised on me, now she does all her friends nails at £5-7 a time replaces her nail stuff and has money to spend, its a good way of teaching her you have to work for treats etc, she started doing it at 12 nd shes 13 now XD xx.
your not a failure and lets be fair, all she has to do is tidy up after herself a little and she gets 10 pound, shed only have to do basic things for 3 weeks to be able to pay for this herself. i dont think she should have agreed to go without knowing she had the money or atleast have asked.
Matt is right, we don’t get things for free in this world we have to earn it
i agree with matt, u aint a failure and dont feel guilty she is old enough to understand the concept of money and if shes not been helping around he house then no..maybe this will make her see helping out will earn her rewards and extra pocket money if and when she does plan a day out..if she was to go bowling would she really need £30? xx
Great peice, I have been meaning to write something similar myself even though my little man is only 10 months. Comes from over hearing a conversation between 2 dads recently where one talked about giving £100 a month to his kids and they do “nothing”
I had 4 paper rounds, washed cars, cut grass at 16 had jobs in kitchens and a butchers all to make some extra money…I refuse to spoon feed my children, to me they have to learn the value of money.
See thats just it Steve I had to earn my pocket money and by that I mean dishes had to be washed, dried and put away. I had to hoover and keep my room tidy. At 13 I was basically tending to myself whereas my 13 year old can barely make a jam sandwich!
Firstly, you’re not failure.
Her not being able to go might spark something off.
She might think, maybe if I do the things mam asks me I might be able to go next time? x
I have to agree with Matt. I was always given £10 a week and then if I helped more round the house I was given more money that week to go things with my friends x
Yes I think they should as it teaches value and respect for money, when you are an adult people dont just hand you money cause you want it x
I do think they should earn their pocket money. I want my 4 to learn the value of money and they do need to work for money
If I wanted my 10 pound a week pocket money I would have to wash up every day, polish if asked to, Hoover and keep my room clean this was from a young age until I moved out at 17 if I didn’t do this I wouldn’t get the money x my son is 2 and he helps put his toys away, put his clothes in front of te washing machine and puts his plate or cup out when done x I don’t ask him I do a lot o this he just copies what mummy does x I think it helps as by the time I moved out I coul clean the house and cook the basics, I would of been lost if my parents done everything for me
Honestly – my mum gave my brother pocket money for doing nothing – he’s now 16 and his ambition in life is to sign on the dole!!!! He has no feeling of achievement for earning money! Your hubby is right xx
If the rule in your house is that if she doesn’t do her list she doesn’t get her pocket money you should stick to it. It’s unfair to the other children if you don’t because they feel that she doesn’t do what she’s told and still gets the benefits.
I didn’t have to do anything for my pocket money as it was given to me by my grandad rather than my parents but I was from a small family of 2 children while yours is a lot larger so there is more housework for you to do, a small list each day wouldn’t kill her and okay she might not be able to go out with her friends but how will she learn to look after her money when she’s older. I’m 18 and about to start university, I should have saved money for the laptop I needed when I first found out that I needed it, now I have to wait while I save up as my parents can’t afford it. My parents told me that they feel bad they cant get it for me and have offered to help me save but it is completely my fault. I had a job and decided to spend my money on going out with friends rather than saving for uni and now I have to live with it.
I hate to say it hunni, but im totally in argument with matt on this one. Fair enough if she had done her daily chores then i wouldnt mind giving her 30pounds to go out aslong as she didnt expect it every week, thats what mum would have done with us x x
Matt is right.. At thirteen children should be able to do basic chores xx
i was given £3 a week straigh out and then i could earn more like 50p for putting washing away 50p tidying room (never did it) hanging washing out was £1 etc so i knew on the saterday i would at least have enough to go out with my friends even if it was a portion of chips in the park was really nice at the age of 14 when i got my 1st job in a care home and spent every spare min working and was bringing home 300 a month i felt like a millionare!!
my son is 4 and doesnt understand money yet but when he does he wil have a chore chart and so will his brother and they wil earn there money but they will have a basic pocket money too that way they have a choice of how much they get. xxx
matts right chick. I can totally see where your coming from though. at the end of the day you can’t do everything on your own and if you let her get away with not helping ypu she will think she can get out of it all the time coz “it’s ok my mum will feel bad n she’ll do it for me” a mum also has the responsibility to bring up there children and getting them prepared for when they eventually get their own home and if you let them get away with not doing anything and just throw money at them they won’t have a clue where to start. my mum did everything for me right up until I left home at 18 she did my washing, cleaned my room, made my pack lunch for college etc n when I left home and moved in with my oh I was totally unprepared I didnt know how to use a washer, couldn’t cook or clean and it was a bit of a shock to the system to say the least xx
My 6 year old gets 50p a day if she gets up makes her bed and brushes her hair! I think this is good to get her to help out a bit xx
Oh and her teeth lol x
everybody has there own oppinion i guess
at the minute my kids are 4 and 7 so dont really need money but when they get older they will get 10pound a week and if they want anymore that will have to earn it
tbf i agree with matt sowi
Matt is right sorry, at the age of 13 I was working on a saturday…xxxxx being tough may means she does it xxx
I think if your child is doing chores that are normally things you would do – eg hoover up, change bedding, put washer on, do dishes then I think they should be rewarded in some way yes. But I don’t think they should be given money for nothing, they should ‘earn it’ by helping or by doing a good deed or getting good grades at school x I wish I had pocket money for all I did!
I was never given ‘pocket money’ as a child/teen by my parents, yet when I stayed with my grandparents I did :-/ Never really made sense. Thing was I rarely saw that money again as I’d have to give it to my parents to ‘keep safe’. As a teen (in high school) I’d have loved to get pocket money as I walked my younger sister to school each morning (she’s 6years younger than me) and picked her up at end of day, hoovered up, tidied my own room, helped my sister to tidy hers, looked after my sister after school while parents were at work / out and ironed my own clothes. I was taken for granted tbh, they soon saw how much I helped when I moved out but by then my sister was old enough to take herself to and from school (11) but defo not old enough to be in the house on her own!
i was brought up on earning pocket money form 10 yrs old n i’ll b doing the same for my children as it teaches them the vaule n wat its like to earn their own money n by helpping out with jobs around the house xx
To be totally honest I am with Matt on this one!! At the age of 12 I was out 1st thing in the morning doing my paper round, then had another one after school and the same on saturday and just one on sunday so 6 days a week I did 2 paper rounds. At 14 I had my 1st proper job, I also helped out around the house for my pocket money off my mum as well as helping 2 old ladies on my street and my nan most weekends. I believe that teenagers should help out around the house if they want pocket money, it teaches them that you get nothing in this life for free and that if you want something then you need to work and save for it. One thing I cant stand and that is spoilt little brats who get what they want when they want. That is not teaching them any morals and that is one parenting fail I can do without!!
Hell yeah