At the age of 18 I found myself raped and pregnant, what should have been a happy occasion filled me with a sickening dread. I was pregnant after being raped. I was frightened, confused and my head was a mess.
Raped And Pregnant – I Had An Abortion
My stomach was in knots when I had taken that test, I threw up from fear. As I watched the positive result staring back at me I was horrified. I couldn’t stand the thought of this child, my rapist’s child growing inside of me, it was like a cancer. I didn’t want it, I couldn’t bear it.
I phoned a private clinic, they would help me but it would cost me. It was easier and safer for me to go private, easier to hide. I did agency work for a month to pay for it, working in a chocolate factory packing boxes of milk tray. I took the money and myself to the clinic.
I blocked out what happened to me, it still stays blocked out to this day. It’s not something I think about. I have created an emotional numbness to protect me.
I thought I would feel relieved after it was over, after this thing that man created had been removed, but I was consumed with guilt. I developed a hatred for myself, as it hit me, what I had done. I told nobody, no family, no friends, nobody. Nobody knows to this day in my circle. I share this secret now with The Real Supermum as I know she will keep my secret and it may help others out there too.
Not long after aborting my rapist’s child I became very ill and I was sectioned under the mental health act, but I have never forgiven myself for what I did.
I know in my heart I had to do it. I know I couldn’t have raised my rapist’s baby, but sometimes I catch myself thinking what if?
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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