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Should You Pay Towards Travelling Costs So Your Ex Can See His Child?
Yesterday I featured a question asked by a mother who complained that she felt a failure towards her child as she was struggling financially to meet her son’s needs, yet his dad does not help financially.
After reading back through the comments one jumped out at me.
“This post has actually helped me. I want to refuse my ex’s help due to the fact that when I did ask, he refused. I had a good plan set out in my head which would mean he’d only spend an extra £20. He said he had no money, which I can respect, but then continued to say I should pay him towards his travel costs. I can respect it costs a lot of petrol to get to see his son but he moved the 30/45 minute drive away. Why should I pay him when I have my son’s education to think about?”
When my own ex-husband has faced financial difficulties in the past, I myself have loaned him money and have agreed to pay towards travelling costs . I knew the kids were waiting for him and when he would phone an hour before he had arranged to collect them, saying he could not afford it, I was the first to say to say I would lend him it. I did not want to see the kids disappointed.
I think as mothers when we have an ex who says “I can’t afford to visit”, we have our heart strings pulled at and so we feel forced to help.
We all want what is best for our children and in most circumstances we know that seeing daddy will make our children happy. But should we be expected to put our hands in our pockets to pay towards traveling costs so our ex can see his child?
Should this be his responsibility as a father to ensure he puts money away for this?
Being a single mother is difficult and finances often become a struggle, do we have spare money to give to our ex?
Should You Pay Towards Traveling Costs So Your Ex Can See His Child? I would love to hear your views ….
About The Real Supermum
I pay at the minute for travelling, as it is at a contact centre but once contact has stopped through that, then as nasty as it sounds he can start paying, i dont have the money spare everyweek to keep paying petrol money, im struggling with money as it is, and as im paying petrol money cant even afford christmas this year x x
Not a chance. I wouldn’t give him the money! Even more so if he wasn’t even paying anything towards them!! I agree that he should put some money away if he really wanted to see his kids x
If its just now n then, and u have the money available I think for the kids sake then yes LEND them the money. We all overspend sometimes and end up short. But If its becoming a regular thing then no.
I would only help if I moved a fair distance away. If he moves, it’s his choice so therefore not my problem.
no bloody way if a man Cant get there i wouldn’t do it walk if u kid means that much to ya n ya wanna see them that bad
or put something on end of it to prevent a child in first place
My poor ex can’t afford to pay for the petrol or uniform or even birthday and christmas presents, and only just manages his £2.50 a week maintenace (yes the decimal point is in the right place). I wont be helping him out though as funnily enough he can afford 3 holidays a year a brand new car and whatever criteria the adoption agency have, he seems to have passed as will be adopting a baby very soon.
It is such a shame that the absent parent can assume the parent with care will have full responsibility of paying the upkeep of everything for his children. I never thought it would turn out like this and those with genuinely caring absent parents are so lucky and if my circumstances were like in the blog then I probably would pay.
I agree with Lucy, I think the parent who moved away should have the financial responsibility. If it was the father who moved or if the father still lives close by, he should pay as the parent who lives with the child pays the lion’s share in most cases anyway x
Some of us are lucky enough to have the ex’s pay maintenance for their child / children. I thought that maintenance was to put towards the childs upkeep ie food, clothing, roof over their head, heating, activities, rewards (oh ye, that maintenance money gets stretched to its max eh). Who then ‘pays’ to look after the child – be their nurse, cook, cleaner, diary organiser, chauffeur, nanny …. we women ‘pay’ for that by having to give up our paid jobs to look after the child as it simply isnt financially feasible to return to work / we ‘pay’ to put the child into child care so we can continue work. Why should we also ‘pay’ for the father to come and visit their child / children? Why should we ‘lend’ them money? Do they ‘lend’ us extra on top of any maintenance they give? From my personal experience (mine and friends) the fathers view is they pay enough to cover everything the child / baby should need and why would we need more? Yes times are hard for everyone however when I see my ex spending savings (!) on a sports car that can’t fit the pram in (but he cant pay for nappies on top of maintenance as he said he would), turning up in new shoes and boasting they were a bargain £70 from £110 and then saying to me that sometimes he comes over and visits using his works van as he can’t afford the £20 petrol for the round trip … perhaps he should have thought about that before he got a car that drinks petrol and get his priorities straight and I certainly wouldnt be paying or lending him the money for him to come and visit his daughter. Even if I moved further away.
If it was my choice to move afar away from him then I would consider meeting half way but if it was his choice to move far away he chose to move away from the children so no I wouldn’t x
If he can afford his own luxurys then he can afford to come and see his children!!! So it just depends if he is on his arse can’t afford life needs then yes!! Lending it be fine,
i pay my ex if he brings my 2 children to me 4 petrol money or i pay myself if i collect them on the train, i think who ever is collecting the child should pay as its ‘u’ that wants to see them xx