Living With OCD Is A Nightmare
I hear people saying OCD must be fantastic as you have a clean house and it’s immaculate. The truth being…. It’s hell!! My head is always on the go thinking of things that need to be done even if they have only just been done. My husband knows about my OCD and struggles to live with it as it drives him mad. Honestly I believe that it started years ago. When I was just a child.
When I was little I always had a clean room and I helped my mum do the ‘spring cleans’. I hated them at the time but when I got into it I actually found them enjoyable and learnt cleaning tips from her. She herself has OCD too and is worse than me. She has always been house proud but who is to blame her. I have always said that I would rather have a clean house and have child’s toys everywhere than it be filthy and no toys in sight.
I suppose to me my OCD started getting out of control when I got my first job working in a shop. I was part of the warehouse team and every now and again it would get into a mess and really needed a good tidy up. I would spend 2 whole days sorting it and making sure everything was in the right place and cleaning all the dust away. It drove me mad and to this day it still makes me itch. Staff there used to tell me that I was bonkers doing it as it wouldn’t last but I didn’t care. It was desperate to be done. I worked with a full team of guys in that warehouse and they were (how can I say it) MESSY!!!!
Moving into my own house triggered my obsession with washing clothes. It if went on the floor I washed it. As soon as my husband changed out of clothes I put them in the washer and got them washed. Many occasions he has asked me where his jumper is and my answer is always the same. I ended up with a house that looked like a Chinese laundrette and it still does look like that on occasions.
Before my son arrived I cleaned the house loads. I clean a surface then go back to it after something has been on it and clean the whole area again. I don’t fear germs, infact I would prefer my son to have germs as that’s the way I believe you can become immune to things. I just have to clean all the time and my mind is constantly telling me that things have to be done in or around the house.
Last week I spent 6 hours emptying the cupboards and cleaning the kitchen until 3am. Daft you say. Well yes it does seem that way now I suppose. But to me it’s a relief! When I had finished I slept so well that night.
Meal times become problematic for me. It’s a kitchen with laminate flooring so it shouldn’t bother me right….. WRONG! I seems to bother me more. My son gets food everywhere sometimes and it just irritates me if he drops his cup on the floor and milk or juice goes everywhere. It mops up quickly and easily yet when it happens I feel so mad that there is yet again more mess for me to clean up.
The supports I get from my husband is hit and miss. He makes it worse for me more often than anything by half-heartedly doing a job such as dusting the surfaces in the living room. I checked his cleaning and he had dusted around things and I went mad at him for not doing it properly. I told him that it just makes me more anxious and my OCD levels just get higher. He thinks I’m being silly but I don’t think he understands what its actually like being inside me head.
Visiting a house torments me if I know that it’s not been ‘cleaned’ I sometimes find myself having to stand if I don’t think that I can actually sit down. It may seem rude but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Then as soon as I get home I strip out of my clothes at the front door put them into a bag and carry them to the washer then go for a shower straight away. Drastic you think? Not to me!
It’s not nice having OCD, it’s something that is completely out of my control and I really wish that I could stop it but I can’t. It’s me. It’s who I am and I have learnt to live with it and accept that it’s who I am. My life to some people that I know is one big joke and they think that its funny. Ask yourself this. If you were unable to control something like this would you think that it was funny. Unable to look around without seeing dust or dirt everywhere!
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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