Yeah, so, it’s exactly how it sounds. Nobody knows about this, not even my best friend. I can’t tell anyone my dirty little secret.
I Cheat On My Boyfriend
I’ve been with my other half (the daddy to my 2 year old) for 3 and a half years. For about the last year maybe more I’ve not wanted to be in this relationship. I’ve tried countless times to leave. On the last occasion we shouted and rowed and he physically pushed me over, at this point I realised I don’t love this man anymore.
None of this of course excuses my awful behaviour. But I wanted others to see how my home life is, maybe try and tell ME why I do this, Because believe me I don’t even know myself.
My days consist of getting up with little one while he sleeps in, tidying and doing all the usual mummy things, some days going to work (I work part time) and listening to him shout at me and moan that I haven’t done this and that, watching him ignore his own daughter as she tries to show him something, but of course he’s too busy for her.
In my opinion he’s a waste of space.
It all started just last week. I went out with the girls. We start chatting to some guys who work at the bar we were in, friendly banter and all that. Well this guy asks for my number. And I give it to him. Someone wants me? Someone likes me? Jeezzz. I was buzzing in all honesty. I go home and climb into bed with my boyfriend. We have text every day, all day. Every time his name comes up on my phone I grin. I don’t remember the last time I felt anything, especially this feeling. I just numb myself from the world and paint a happy smile on my face. We chat about nothing, what’s on the telly, how’s your day been? HOWS YOUR DAY BEEN, the words I practically beg to hear every day. This guy actually cares, or he pretends to either way I don’t care. We flirt via text which to me is nothing to write home about.
Tuesday I lie to my boyfriend and tell him I’m going to a friend’s house and I go round to this guy’s house, we watch a DVD, one thing leads to another and we end up having sex. Mind blowing sex, I haven’t had sex this year so to be honest any is good. I usually have a problem getting things going in the pants department but this was a breeze. Is it because of my feelings towards the man I live with?
I go home and climb into bed with my boyfriend. You can think what you like, call me a slut, call me a whore, and call me every name under the sun. I don’t care. This guy makes me feel on top of the world. Something that my boyfriend has never done. Is this what lust feels like? Am I that desperate to feel like a human being, a person, a woman that I will break my boyfriend heart. Probably. The lies all come out in the end don’t they, I guess that would be a good thing, he will let me leave. I don’t want to hurt him.
I fully intend to carry on seeing this guy, texting him and flirting and will probably go round again. Slut. Yeah I get that.
If someone could please tell me why I’m doing this it would be great. Do I want to hurt him? Like he’s hurt me, like he hurts me every second of every day.
I said before I’m not telling you about my boyfriend’s tendencies for sympathy because I deserve none of it, I’m telling you so maybe someone knows what it’s like to be me. Alone and angry and screwed up.
I screwed up again.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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