I have suffered with depression on and off for the last 15 years now. I have attempted suicide twice. I have been prescribed and taken a variety of antidepressants and have numerous counselling but nothing seems to fix this mess I am in. It is too hard to fight depression at times and just when I feel I am getting someone the mental health team discharge me, so then I am alone again.
It is never long between episodes, it is never long before depression rears its ugly head again.
These last 3 years have left me physically and emotionally drained. I can no longer make sense of the constant bussing noises inside of me head. A children’s seesaw resembles my mood swings.
I am currently taking Sertraline 50mg and I feel I am up to my waist in quicksand sinking fast, how can I explain to anyone how I feel when I don’t understand it myself?
Depression Makes Me A Bad Mum
I feel lost like I am in a huge maze trying to find my way out, every turn I take seems to be a dead end and when I turn to go back to where I started from, the maze has changed.
My moods change so fast these days, almost like someone has just flicked on a switch. I can become very angry and agitated and this scares me. I take it out on those closest to me and I am pushing the people closes to me away, including my children.
I have screamed at my 6 years old daughter, told her I hated her and wished I had never given birth to her. Thankfully my own mother sat my little girl down and explained that I was not well. This destroys me.
I am terrified that depression with ruin my relationship with my children and if it does I will only have myself to blame.
This post is an anonymous guest post submitted to the blog by a frightened mother who like so many is suffering from the effects of depression.
If you can offer any support or words of advice please leave a comment for the mother to read and follow.
Related articles
- Why Having Depression Makes You A Better Mother (therealsupermumblog.com)
- It Is Too Hard To Fight Depression (therealsupermumblog.com)
- What Not to Say to a Depressed Person (brokenbelievers.com)
- Challenging the Stigma of Mental Health (thedepressedmoose.com)
About The Real Supermum
Xx
Big hugs chick xxx
You are not a bad mum at all, dont ever think that. Have you tried to talk to your GP and telling him how you feel? We are all here to talk any time as well chick xx
You are not a bad mum u have recognised you have a problem you just need to take the next steps to getting better .. Which you will ! Big hugs. Xx
Oh sweetie
I know how hard it can be. I could of written this post!
I tell people I don’t understand how I feel but they don’t seem to understand that.
I go round and round with referrals and it drives me crazy, mind the pun lol!
((((hugs)))) x
Hugs hun, hope u get the help u need x
U are not a bad mum at all u have recognised u need help and that is GOOD x
big hugs hun your are not a bad mum xx
your not a bad mum at all, your kids will be proud that you have battled it for so long =) x
your not a bad mum at all hun big hugs xx
Your not a bad mum Hun x
You are a good Mum, and don’t let anyone tell you any different !
Please, be gentle and kind to yourself, take time to love yourself.
If possible let your children help you with your chores, i’m sure they would love to help.
Make them proud of their wonderful Mum !
You are NOT a bad mum at all! Massive hugs xx