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I let him have sex with another woman to make him happy
It had always been a running joke with my partner about having a threesome and I always went along with it thinking it would never actually happen until one day he decided to ask my best friend if she would be interested and to my horror she said yes.
Stupidly I still thought it would never happen even though it was brought up a few times and when I was asked about it I would say “maybe after the baby’s born” as I was pregnant with our second child at the time. I never once thought he would hold me to it.
Once I had had the baby it was mentioned more and more often and the pressure started to build. I had the start of post natal depression but didn’t realise it at the time which meant the more he went on about this the more I thought “well if I say no he’ll leave me because he’ll think I’m pathetic” so I gave in and agreed to it.
I never once mentioned that I didn’t really want it to happen, yes I was curious as to what it felt like to be with a girl but I never felt the urge to act upon my curiosity and to be honest the thought of watching my partner sleep with another woman did turn me on a little bit but I still felt very uncomfortable with the idea especially because it was my best friend who had agreed to take part.
We had arranged for my friend to come up and stay the night with her little boy at ours. Of course just my luck I come on 2 days before but I agreed it could go ahead anyway just to get it out of the road it just meant no-one could do anything to me.
The night came far too quickly for me. We put the kids to bed waited for them to sleep. I got a shower while my partner and friend sorted the living room out so there was more room. We had bought a box of Smirnoff ice and started drinking it. We all knew it was going to happen tonight and my stomach was in knots, I felt so sick it was unreal, I did not want this to happen but I had to go along with it. I thought plenty of times that night calling it off but I didn’t want to seem like a chicken or risk my partner being upset with me so I didn’t say anything.
My partner had called down to his friends for a minute to lend him a few cigarettes and while he was out me and my friend stripped down to our underwear for him coming home. After over an hour of talking and saying “right come on then who’s gonna make the first move” My partner made the first move and kissed my friend. In that second my heart shattered, He did it he actually did it. I was hoping beyond all hope he would say he didn’t want to anymore but that was my proof he wanted it, he wanted her.
That night him and my friend had sex twice while I watched only thing I could do was kiss one or the other. My trust in him completely gone, my heart shattered to pieces. I couldn’t let on it was bothering me, they where already talking about it happening again. Stupidly I agreed thinking it’ll be easier next time.
It wasn’t but at lest the next time I was able to be more involved so it was a bit better I got something out of it but it killed me watching them together even seeing them kiss made me want to burst into tears but I hide it. I knew now if I told them how much it killed me they would both be devastated and I couldn’t do that to them, it was my fault I felt this way not theirs, I was the one who had to suffer for it.
The next day after the second threesome my partner woke up the next morning and text me his text said exactly this. “One of you come up here I don’t care who” reading it I wanted to cry I knew what he wanted because the text had followed a picture of his hard on. After an hour of constant text from him asking for my friend to come up, I had enough and said to my friend “fuck it he’s not gonna give over and I can’t be bothered anymore go up” after a small bit of persuasion she agreed and went up to our bedroom. I just wanted it over with I couldn’t deal with the constant nagging.
I sat down stairs looking after the kids including her little boy while she went up to him. I received a text about 20 minutes later saying that my friend didn’t want to do it cause it felt so awkward. I went upstairs to try and persuade her to just hurry up and go through with it but they told me they had already done it they just text that to judge my reaction. I never thought it was possible to feel your very soul shatter but mine did at that point I wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. They did it!
They actually did it! And in our bedroom! Not on the bed I might add but with her bend over holding onto it. I wanted my life to be over at that very moment, sounds dramatic I know but I had been completely betrayed by the two people I thought I could trust most, yes I agreed to it but they should have respected me enough to say actually no this is too far but neither of them did. I’ve never felt as sick in all my life as I did that day every time I thought of the two of them together.
The threesome happened one more time after that. After the two if them together alone I lost all self confidence and just didn’t care anymore I was hurt enough it couldn’t possibly get any worse than it was. Again I was wrong the whole night I felt like I was someone else watching on from afar completely detached from my body.
The next day I had an appointment with the doctors, I had been put on anti-depressants two weeks before this, the day after the first threesome and I had to go back for a review. I broke down at the doctors and cried none stop. Told the doctor that I didn’t want to live anymore that I couldn’t take anymore and I wanted out. I had even gone as far as planning where the painkillers where and how much would be enough to kill me. The doctor was straight on the phone to get me to the crisis mental health team where I was seen that day.
I have gotten better with my depression since then, it’s been 2 months since this all happened and I’m far from healed. I can’t sleep at night in my bed because all I can think about is those two together. I can’t sit in my living room for to long without wanted to burst into tears. I have had very little contact with my friend I can’t even think about her without wanting to cry. I have a panic attack every time she comes up to the house.
I don’t trust my partner at all and especially not around her. I keep thinking if he can do it with my permission what’s to stop him doing it without? For weeks after it happened I constantly felt sick and couldn’t eat because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was like a zombie and to an extent I still am anytime I think about it my heart shatters all over again. I hide it for so long to this day my partner still doesn’t know how bad it effected me and neither does my friend and they never will, I do not want to tell them. Its just to hard.
Having said all of that I don’t blame either my partner or my friend. It’s my fault I should have said no. I should have been strong enough and realised my partner loved me enough that he wouldn’t leave me for saying no but I wasn’t and I cant change it now, I’ve just got to learn from my mistakes and move on. I’m trying so hard to move on but every time I take I step forward I seem to take 3 back but I know eventually I will get there. I no longer see the crisis team instead I see FASA one day a week to work though this and other issues I have.
I hope some day soon I can say I’m over it but take my story as a warning if your partner suggests something you don’t want to do say NO you don’t want to go through the pain I went through and still am going through.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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About The Real Supermum
I too suffer with depression, however i have a partner that understands it, and loves making me feel loved. I do blame your partner! This is everymans fantasy! My hubby wouldn’t act on it though as he knows me well enough, and knows how this would affect me, no to. Your best friend definately doesn’t deserve that title either! Quite frankly I think they took advantage of your vulnerability and should be utterly ashamed of themselves. It broke my heart reading this and I really hope you get well enough that you can tell them what they did to you so that you can move on xxx
I hope you know its not too late to talk to your OH about this. Sounds like you need to get it all out with him x
Hunnie none of us can tell you what to do … but he has really overstepped the mark, and dont you blame yourself because you didnt say no! you said yourself you were vulnerable. A real man would never have taken advantage of that. Xxx
hun you know i’m here for you. he was wrong to push you into this, especially with all the stuff thats happened since. big hugs x x x
Big hugs hunni, it wasnt your fault, neither of them should have gone ahead with it … I hope you make the right decision for yourself and your kiddies hunni x x
I’m
Sorry but him and your friends sound like a pair of twats, you and your children so so much better who will respect you, really really hope you se sence soon.. Lots of love xxxxxx
Leave him. He’s not worthy of you. Doesn’t matter if you’ve got kids together, he doesn’t love you to treat you like that, and you deserve love and respect. Get out of there and get on with your life, it’ll hurt for a bit but it’s the right thing to do.
Aw hun this is awful, I feel so bad for you, the pair of them should have realised how much of an awkward position this would put you in. It’s not to late to have a chat with your OH xx
Omg Hun it is not your fault not 1 bit I rlly don’t no wot ur going though but I wish you all the best keep ur chin held high big hugs hun xxxx
Oh dear, I feel so bad for you, just thinking how I would feel in this position
it is not your fault, you were pressured into doing something you didn’t want to do! If you thought that your other half would leave you if you didn’t do it, you chose the lesser of two evils in your mind. I think that you should really try and chat with him about this, it’s never too late to solve the problem or, if not, walk away. I wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do!
He would have still shagged her. Because he is a complete and utter arsehole that enjoys degrading his own partner in front of her best friend!!
Name me a bloke that doesn’t fantasise about having a twos up?! Doesn’t mean that they go through with it!!! It’s just banter in bed.
He took the piss out of you and took advantage of the fact you are depressed and prayed on your insecurities that you thought he would leave you, and basically used that to get into bed with your “best friend”.
As for her, ive of head butted that long ago. No best mate would have done that to you.
You’ve got to get hard love, get some guts and chuck him out. You can manage without him. He’s the one making you ill. Look at yourself. You can do this. Please. You’re worth so much more!!!!!!!!!!! X
You deserve so much more than this hun. You are a brilliant woman with so much to give, your oh an friend should never have gone through with it with or without your permission. You deserve a man and a friend who has so much more respect for you xx
Hugs hunni. Dont let them degrade u like this, ur worth so much more than that. They should be ashamed of themselves taking advantage of u when ur vulnerable n feeling low! Here if u need a chat. Xxxx
To be very blunt, I wouldn’t absolve either your partner or your ‘best friend’ of blame. I kind of wonder how much they discussed doing this behind your back and I’d suspect they just wanted your permission for something they wanted to do and probably already had been doing any way.
In my opinion, no self respecting man would ask the woman they love to participate or watch something like that. No self respecting man wants to even share the woman they love when it comes to sex. No self respecting ‘best friend’ would do that to her best friend either.
Kick them BOTH to the curb. Sell that disgusting bed and any furniture in the living room that the used. Buy fresh stuff and treat yourself better than that.
Because, lady, you’re worth more than that!
big hugs hunni!! its not your fault.. he kept on at you about it, and as for texting asking for one of you to go up and he doesnt mind who! id be fuming! yes you agreed to the 3 sum but you didnt agree to him and her just doing it when they fancied it.. i think you should talk to your partner and tell him how you feel about it, its never too late and it might even make you feel better knowing that he knows how you feel..xxx
Wow u are so brave sharing this story ! In my opinion I do think your partner and friend are at fault as if they new the real you they would know this isn’t what u want .. I hope u can get past it hun x
Big hugs to you hun. But please don’t blame yourself. It is hard to say no sometimes because you want to do anything to make your oh happy but the fact that they did it just the 2 of them without you is disgusting!! No matter how much a friend of mine begged me etc I would never do that. You are better off without her and him. Sorry to be blunt but the text he sent you also would have sent me over the edge. All you have been through and including the depression. So sorry you went through that hun. I hope you start feeling better soon. Just remember you are a wonderful person who did nothing wrong. xx
I cant believe the utter devastation caused by 2 people! His texting asking her to go up is sick and the message saying she couldn’t when she already had is must disrespectful! I agree you should sell the bed and lounge furniture, move house if you have to but please put yourself first, make some selfish decisions xxx
omg hunni big hugs xxx
as for your ‘OH’ and ‘Best Friend’ get them told and then get rid!! the pair of them knew what they were doing to you when they did this some partner and friend they are! selfish twats is too nice for them! they were only in it for personal gain. take your LO and move in to a nice new 2 bed house, some landlords will help you with furniture now days or your HV can help you with agencies that can give you free furniture to last you until you can get some more. dont suffer with it hun you cant trust either of them not that they deserve it they are vile and nasty people who dont deserve you x
Personally I would have to tell them … U all went in to it together u should all deal with the fall out together … Hope u feel better soon xx good luck xx
Aw hun that really is awful! I”ve not been through things like this so can offer you no advice but I hope you feel you can talk to your OH and friend soon hun it’s not fair on you .. it’s never too late xx
I actually cried reading that
they need to Ipknow how ur feeling and u need to leave him huge hugs xx
oh hunni my heart melted for you when in read this i have always wanted a 3sum with my oh and another girl but oh has always said no as will destroy our relationship as he knows of my low self esteem after reading your story i no know i proberly wouldnt do it as i would proberly feel the same as you do i hope your depression gets better big hugs hun xxxx
i genuinely wish i could take you and the kids into my home, we havent spoke much but i really do, i wish i could take you away from all of that and make you see that it is not your fault, you are not to blame and they should see how you feel, you deserve alot better, message me on facebook if you want Shannen Coombes
Hugs Hun. I think you do need to sit and talk to your oh and friend. They may be able to give you some reassurance
Omg i cried for u while feading this. ur oh and ‘friend’ sound like arseholes. get rid of them both.. thsy may not have known how muxh the 3some hurt u. but there was no need at all for there to be one2one sex between them.
they clearly had no regards for ur feelings. i just feel so bad fod you chicm and wanna give u a massive hug xx
big hugs hunni , its not ur fault i felt forced into it n as 4 ur oh well for him to do it in ur bedroom 4 one stinks n if he loved u he would of seen u was uncomfy with it all n suported u through everything , n as 4 the friend shes no friend if she can sleep with her best friends oh n then 4 them to text u to get ur reaction is low , ur very brave to tell ur story n i hope one day u will find peace within urself , but non of this was ur fault xxxx
I know how this is gonna sound but i cant blame them that would just hurt a whole lot more its easier to blame myself and despite all his flaws my oh isnt that bad he can be thoughtful and supportive and i couldnt be without him. Yes he shouldnt have pushed it but i should have said no but thank you so much for your support i really appresiate it xxx
This has got me thinking. Rob has asked and asked for a 3some and whilst the idea of being with another woman really does it for me, I don’t know how I feel about him sleeping with her and although I’ve agreed to it (we don’t have anyone wanting to do it with us yet) it has really got me thinking, it is really what I want?
my advice hun is think long and hard and the slightest doubt DO NOT agree learn from my mistake dont make your own xxx
This may hurt to hear this and i dont mean it too… but a 3some is a 3some fine but when ure oh texts u and says one of u come up here now he doesnt care wich one.. thats discusting! he sounds like a nob hun to do that and does ure “friend” have no shame! sorry but i would kick both their arses out the door and shut it firmly behing them i would then strip the bed and cut it up even if it ment sleaping on the floor. no way could i go through what u did your very brave hunni and im sorry if ive upset you at all…. i personally wuldnt be able tyo come to see my oh with another woman let alone a friend… sends shivers down my spine thinking about it… hugs babe xx
no didnt hurt hun i know your right but i gotta try and make it work for the kids xxx
I have spoken to you personnaly since I wrote my last comment and I still say you need to get fing rid of him! loves hugs and strength! xxx
This was no way your fault xx
big hugs to you. you say that it was your fault as you could have said no, at the end of the day your partner and friend should have noticed that you werent happy at the time. i agree with another ladies post – a 3some is a 3some – not a 2some! dont blame yourself or be so hard on yourself. hope that you get the right help with your depression – big hugs ((()))xx
this wasnt your fault hun i wish you all the best as for the friend i dont think she was much of 1 if she went a head and done it i agree with what the others have said a 3some is a 3some not leave 1 person out and carry on i wish you all the best hope you find a way around all this best of luck hugs xxx
Well ladys I see no men have the … to reply but this show you that messing with each othere is never good, be forward with him and if he gets mad if he really loves you he will back down. But people love to have sex I have had so much sex in my life with different partners, that I dated a girl that loved 3-sums only becouse she hated women and was able to make friends for life that were females and we all know there are other reasons to but. Now for all the fragile women out there don’t even joke around. And Men you need to care for your women as if it was yourself, ask your self, do you mind if your neighbor slept with you wife… Thanks
oh hun i feel so sorry for u, huge hugs, maybe u could still tlak to him about it? xx
massive hugs its not ur fault hun iv been in a very similar situation the only difference is it only happened once and i made sure it never happened again and i do very very occasionaly see the friend i do speak to her but i cannit trust her around hubby
I can kinda relate to u hun i no the feelings u mentiond ur brave for speaking about it x
Hugs hunny it’s not your fault xx
it was sad reading this. I know this is going to sound wrong to some ppl but i’ll say it anyway both ur oh and friend r heartless bitches.he is wrong for 1.pushing u into it,2.asking ur bf to do it,3.sending u that disrespectful text even if he was joking which he was not,4.abusing ur palace(bedroom),5.wanting to see ur reaction after wat he did because he know he was wrong and felt guilty cause he sense at some point u didn’t really wanted too and 6.to have u do it once more.as for her she’s no friend because she agree to it and didn’t even come to u in a quite moment and sit down an ask u how ur really feel about it, isn’t that what bf are for. Hun bf is not some1 u just give that label too because she hangs around and talk with u.it like a sister that knows ur every ways, ur likes and dislike, that knows when ur hurting or happy, how u would react to something even if ur smiling they see the pain beneath the surface. She a tramp that want ur husband or envy ur life. Move on’ dump her trifling ass and talk to ur hubby after all he is d father of ur kids and u love him,don’t let any1 tell u to leave him, let that be ur choice. u have to know if its worth it. I pray ur doing better now!!