It never ceases to amaze me how many mums struggle with depression. So many live with this evil illness, many too afraid to speak out for fear of being judged or worse still that social services will deem them unfit mothers and take their children away from them.
I am a depressed mother, I am indeed a Bipolar mum, but never once would I ever say I am a bad mum.
I believe that depression and mental illness has made me a better person and a better mother.
I was first diagnosed with depression back when I was 13 years old. I am thirty two now and have been diagnosed with , a Bipolar. My treatment is medication most of the time but it is the talking therapy and counselling that has really helped me.
Without having depression or bipolar I would never have been given the opportunity to delve into talking therapy and really get into those unknown places deep within my mind.
I have learned so much about myself and have have been taught some brilliant coping techniques that not only help me live with my illness, but makes me a much calmer ,stronger and more patient person.
I am somewhat thankful to have the illness I have, as without it I would not be the person or mother I am today.
It does make me sad and frustrated when I see and hear from other mums going through a very difficult depressive episode, on the brink of a breakdown, yet to afraid to speak out.
Having depression does not make us a bad mother, for me it has been quite the opposite, it made me a better one.
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In my situations its made me a bad parent as I’m so low and just don’t have the heart or energy for my kids and that’s awful
I agree help is best weigher its pills or talking to some1
I just find getting the help is bloody hard work, doctors seem very quick to hand out anti depressants but dont seem to offer much else xx
it may not seem it when your going through it but when your at the other side it makes you stronger
this is just wishful thinking. my mum suffered with depression and it made her a terrible parent. depressed people are selfish and arent really in a position to be caring effectively for others, let alone nuturing growing minds. when you can’t get up in the morning to get your kids ready for school youre a bad parent. when youre tired all day because you can’t sleep youre a bad parent. when youre constantly down and negative, youre a bad parent. when you cry in front of your kids or turn to drink or drugs youre a bad parent. youre not kidding anyone.
Not all depressed people turn to drink and drugs x Im sorry you had a bad experience but you can not judge every depressed person by your mums experience
well said emma xxxx
I have to say, I have to agree with you.
I think however the post points more to the gifts of good therapy and treatment that a “healthy” person would never acquire.
You often see that a person that fights or has fought with depression is a person that thinks deeper than others. They’re more open-minded than others.
I completely agree with you, that without GOOD treatment and/or medication people that suffer from mental issues/disorders would make terrible parents.
But to judge so quickly … is wrong. Parents with mental illness can be great people, lovers, friends and parents. The stigma attached to mental health needs to stop.
Absolutely. Hayley’s comment was extremely judgmental, but I do see what she means.
Nowadays we live in different times. My parents (in retrospect) also suffered from extreme cases of depression. I think e.g. that my father was schizophrenic and/or manically depressed. But (!) 30 years ago, therapists weren’t as accessible as they are now.
My father was never diagnosed, because he simply never visited the therapist – and he was a monster. My mother was diagnosed about 6-7 years ago with a form of depression and began treatment really late.
In short, NOWADAYS people suffering with depression are increasingly capable of being good parents, because the stigma has much reduced over the years. While 30 years ago (when we were the children) you were just labeled as “nuts” and that’s all there is to it.
That’s just my opinion.
Let me add to that, that the seriousness of the mental disorder also plays a big role.
“Depression” is a very large concept. It ranges from tiny mood-swings to heavy, manic episodes.
Any parent can have “a bad day” and get through it being a good parent, without any therapy or other form of treatment.
The thing with mental issues is that you can’t just compare one situation 1-1 with another.
what you mean perfect parents that dont exist?? Just because they dont go to their GP to be referred to a therapist does NOT mean a parent does not go seek out help from other people. Also depression is NOT just mood swings. So get your friken facts straight before you start judging us mums. Get off your high bloody horse and wake up and smell the coffee. Perfect aint real and depression comes in many forms. Get a bloody grip tosser!!
“what you mean perfect parents that dont exist?” – I didn’t say that.
“Also depression is NOT just mood swings.” – Exactly what I said.
There’s no judging, no horse and no coffee here either.
I just don’t want to disregard Hayley’s bad experience completely, only because she was quick to judge. And I don’t think insulting other people’s perspective is the best way to go.
Yes ladies your judging quickly too now and I understand your upset as I was its difficult when you have experienced a bad situation and you automatically believe everyone else must do the same – its harder to open your eyes and accept that everyone is different is difficult.
I am sorry to read the comment and it must be very difficult as a child to see and watch your own mother behave and treat you in such a way – just as I was in a domestic violence marriage after leaving I didnt trust men and it has taken time and trust ti learn that not all men hit – just as all mums with depression dont hurt their children
Hayley :- As a parent who has been depressed and recovered from it I can honestly that you love have got things terribly wrong!! I am sorry that you have had a bad experience of depression and what some people can turn too dont mean we are all like that!! Not once did I turn to drink or drugs, not once did I not get up with my son because he was crying a needed something. I may have been depressed but at the end of the day I had no other choice but to pull myself together. Yes I cried in front of my son because I was depressed and tired that does not make me a bad person it proves that I am human!! Same for others. Do not come on here and judge all of us mums and dads who have had and recovered from or are still suffering from depression just because you had it bad!! It is bang out of order that you have tarred all depressed parents with the same brush because of how you mum was. What a way to make others feel like shite. Well done you heres a gold star and a lolly pop, now off you pop and give yourself a pat on the back
well said. I have never touched drugs and dont drink. Like said get ure facts right
its not at all wishful thinking… theres thousands of parents with depression that fight on to give their children the best in life… I have depression and find mornings extremely difficult but my children are clean, clothed and at school on time everyday. it is not fair to judge every depressed parent by one bad experience.
jeez. im depressed and dont turn to drink and drugs..i get my 2 girls up and eldest ready for school, get your facts right before you judge others. not everyone is the same!!!
Hayley,
Although your comment was extremely hurtful towards many people, I am sorry that you had a bad childhood.
I do not know whether you are a parent yourself, perhaps you are still a child.
I don’t like to be singled out and pissed on and I’m sure the bunch of people that are doing that to you now, wouldn’t like that either.
Your comment was extremely shortsighted, but again, maybe you aren’t a parent, in which case you’re allowed to be shortsighted to a certain extent. Perhaps you’re still a child and this was simply a clumsy cry for help. I don’t know.
However, I am sure that many people here suffer from mental issues, due to a bad childhood and/or being bullied. Perhaps some of them have also expressed themselves in (self-)destructive ways. I used to get into trouble all the time, which, I know now, was a cry for help. And I like to think that you are doing the same.
I have conquered my issues with depression, which were caused by a bad childhood. And I don’t want anyone else to be misunderstood and pissed on like I always was, so just in case you want someone to talk to, you can e-mail me by clicking here.
Nobody deserves the insults that were thrown at you tonight, but I do hope that you learned that saying things like that come with consequences.
Regards,
Daan.
wtf!!!! Its a medical illness and medication is taken, so you saying over 50% of the population are crap parents thru no fault of their own??? Utter crap. I have severe depression, controled and I am NOT a rubbish mum, I give them everything. Get your facts right!!!
Well said Vicky x
not everyone is like that.. dont tar everyone with the same brush
I am sorry Hayley that your mum was a bad mother and you experienced this for for many others including myself I a, no where near a bad mother, I do have bipolar and it has most certainly ,add me a better mother I am more focused on my children’s happiness and not wanting them to suffer, please do not put the rest of us in the same catergary as your mum that is not fair at all, my children want for nothing it’s me that suffers not them and for all my faults I a, a bloody fantastic mother.
Well someones mad!!!
Im going to say I think its makes a better parent. When you go through treatment and other options and learn about yourself it changes you as a person. Some embrace it , some dont. Emmas chosen to embrace it and shes right she knows more about herself and her coping skills than she ever did.
My mum chose to bury her head and bash mine in.
Im in the middle. I know I need someone to help me with things in my head and I wont go. Im not at the point of bravery yet.
I say more power and respect to Emma as you are always honest and dont follow sheep.
There has to be a positive from your experiences and feeling like a better mother is huge and not to be belittled by other people.
For those of u that r saying mums with depression are bad have u ever sufferd it have u sufferd the panic attacks and angxiaty that go with it have u no brains just cuz ur mother was like it hayley dont make us all that have depression bad parents we are damn good parents we have been strong for to long n things take there toll i hope to god u never suffer it but i feel u already have it the first step is admitting u have it ive sufferd it i got over it i think u have it hayley but afraid to say it x
You shallow minded twat! As I write this I am a deperssed mother, I find everyday a struggle for my own self…My children on the other hand are very well looked after bath, fed , ironed clothes..My eldest has just exceed what he should be doing at his age by miles! Why because I am a good mother, I am a good mother because I am depressed!! I go days without eating…I do not sleep because of everything I went through and everything I am going through! Thank you very much!
hugs ash, I fully understand what you going thru. Its hell but we get overit and get help for our kids xxx
i have cried infront of my kids and Im not depressed does that make me a bad parent! you are comparing everyone with depression to you’re mum sounds to me like you have some deep routed issues maybe instead of judging others you should be taking a look at yourself!
PLUS if you do some reading you shallow minded little girl, you will read depression is a ceratonin imbalance, the brain stops making the happy hormone, so we need a pill to replace it, wud you blame someone if they werer diabetic, or had thyroid probe? No?? well shut up then its the same thing
thyroid prob lol
My birth mum had depression really bad and treat us like crap. But that dont mean every one is like that. I know other people who have depression and care for there kids so much better than mine did. I have signs of depression and is going doctors, i dont feel like getting up in a morning and feel i cant care for my daughter how i should but that dosent make me a bad mother. Some people need to think before they open there mouths.
Ooo and I do not know when one parent that has not cried in front of their children whether its joyful tears, mad tears or sorrow tears you frigging dim wit! I think with all those negative comments maybe you need to go and seek some help regarding past issues/present issues sweetheart wish you the best of luck with your journey of life!
think crying in front of your kids is a positive thing – it teaches them we are human and have feelings too
Please tell me YOUR taking te fucking piss how can you call every mum who as depression a BAD mum I stuffers from depression due to having a missed miscarriage so yes no fault of my own and I a bad mum no I Anit not even in te slightest my daughter as everything she as every wanted or could dream off just because you went though something bad does NOT mean for a second that every person with depression is the same everyone stuffers differently so before you open you shallow mouthmaybe sit back and think about what your writing and who you may hurt in the long run…… And until your a mother and have suffered from depression keep your MOUTH SHUT!!!!!!
Was that angry I have loads of spelling mistakes hahaha
i agree emma,
it shows its ok to let your emotions out aswel. and not build things up inside. this has really angered me. iv been depressed for 5 years and ok iv had my ups and downs, yet never turned to drink OR drugs. i had counselling anti d’s support. and i got better, i have it now but it dont mean im a bad mom. even parents with depression have there ups and downs..its what makes us human beings!!
I cry all the time lol
I have depression, im not ashamed or afraid to admit it, and I see a counsellor about it all. I am NOT a bad mum and anyone who would like to argue with me on the subject, feel free. I feel my depression has made me a better mother – it has made me realise how strong I really am, it has made me more cautious and caring towards my girls. Admitting depression is the hardest thing I had to do, but the fact that im getting help makes me ten times stronger.