Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
There is no such thing as a perfect parenting and imperfect parent is the best we can hope to be. Today a young mum feels guilty about the situation she has found herself here.
A Young Mum Feels Guilty
I’m only 17 and my daughter and I don’t even have a place of our own, I live at home with my mum, step-dad and big brother. I don’t have a job but I’m at college full time. She goes to nursery 2 and half days a week (comes to just under £100) and that gets paid by the government.
I don’t have the most money in the world so I can’t get her the things she wants, but people keep telling me she’s 14 months she doesn’t WANT anything, she has the things she needs. I’m no longer with her dad and I always said when I had children I wanted them to have a proper family, not a naffy broken one like mine (my parents separated and divorced when I was 8/9 and I didn’t see my dad for 3 years, he didn’t know how to come back into my life after he’d left once).
When my daughter was just over 2 months old we separated for the first time was only for a week but we got back together, then when she was just under 6 month we separated for good.
There’s 50 miles between us, and when we were together we’d take it in turn going to each other’s houses, he’d come here, I’d go there with my little girl so his family could see her. Now she hardly sees his side of the family and he can only make it over every other week. I don’t want it getting to the point where she doesn’t know them
I feel guilty buying myself things, my daughter has everything she needs and more but I still don’t like the fact of spending money on myself. Sometimes I get so stressed, I just want 5 minutes to myself, I blame her dad because I have it 24/ he spends a few hours every other week.
I know she’s only young but that doesn’t stop me getting stressed when she has bad days. That’s the thing I feel most guilty about, especially when she’s ill, because she can’t tell me what’s wrong with her using words I have to try and guess. I feel guilty because I don’t think I’ll be able to provide for her, I want her to have a great childhood, a happy one and I hate thinking I might not be able to give that to her.
Sent into the blog by a young mum who feels guilty – what do you say readers do we all feel guilty at times?
About The Real Supermum
Hun you r doing fine! You are doing your best for your little girl and that’s all that any of us can ever do. Age doesn’t matter, its only a number. And things may change with her dad as she and him get older. Don’t feel guilty for buying yourself things, you do still need clothes etc! Big hugs n it will get better x
Thanks Sophia
I hope they do, I mean she smiles when she sees him and stuff but it’s not like I can take her over there as can’t carry the pram and the car seat and stuff, if I drove it wouldn’t be as bad =/ x
Hun, we all have bad days and get stressed, also dont feel guilty aboyt not working right now.. surely you’d rather finish college and get a better paid job
all the best xx
Thanks hun
I try not to just hate when people say I’m sponging or sit on my arse doing nothing :@ lol xx
hey hun, im in a similar situation 2 u, i 2 feel guilty about buying myself things, if ur lil girl has everyfin she needs then try not 2 get 2 worked up about things, it is hard at times n it will only get easier, register urself on the housing list so u can get ur own place, or wile ur living at home cudnt u get a part time job??? xxx
I won’t be able to cope in my own place I’ll be lost – can’t I’m full time college student and there’s not enough space in my daughters nursery to cover more days x
kids need love more than materials as long as your little one is fed watered and loved that all s/he needs your doing a fab job
Thank you
x
Im 21 my daughter is 2.5 years I work full time and I’m the same I feel guilty to buy things for myself but my daughter has everything thing she needs. Her dad sees her every 2 weeks if im lucky but he doesn’t take her out, she doesn’t know his family as no matter how hard I try they don’t bother xx your doing a fab job hun don’t doubt yourself your at college which is the start of a carere xx
Thanks hun
glad there’s someone that’s sort of in my position, don’t feel as shit now xx
Hunni I’m 21, a Mum of 2 children (20M and 6W) I rent a perfect 3 bedroom house and live with my children’s father/my partner and I still get stressed out and feel guilty. I’m on benefits and I hate it, I hate my children being in a life where we have limited money so much that we have to budget for our little boy to have new toys, even more so now that our little girl is here. I know he isn’t old enough to want things like toys etc but it’s just at times you see him doing things and you think he’d really benefit from a certain toy or activity but we can’t afford it which then depresses me and stresses me out.
I always say I take my hat off to single parents, especially those who don’t have a lot of support because they deal with it 24/7 they don’t get a break, but they never moan they just get on with it cus they have no choice. You are doing a fantastic job hunni and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different x
Thanks Zoe
x
awww big hugs chick, you shouldnt feel guilty for spending a few quid on yourself. all mums need a treat once in a while (we all do feel guilty but we need it too!!) at the end of the day your little girl has what she needs a loving mummy, a warm home, all the toys she could possibly as for, a safe place to sleep, food, drink and warmth. children at that age only want the simple things in life and believe me still do as they get older. im 24 and have a 4 yr old son whos disabled and believe me he is happiest when i put on the overtones, get the paint out and old cardboard boxes for us to paint or even if i just give him a brush and ask him to help me brush up. he dont much care about fancy expensive toys, how much i spend on his clothes or how often i treat us both. he has a mummy who would much rather have fun than go out spending extortionate ammounts of money on tat that wont last 2 mins or that will never be worn xx
Bless him hun, was you the mum who did the pm? Loved the ideas and will definitely be doing some when she’s older, she likes ‘drawing’ and painting already so we’ll be doing lots of that lol x
I don’t think it matters if your 17 or 27 we all share your worries
i feel guilty plenty even though if i spoke to anyone about what it is that makes me feel that way they would tell me im being stupid. no one plans being a single parent (im sure) but it happens and instead of looking at it as in you have failed your baby look at it as you have done yoour absolute best, you could have broken down and not been caring for her but you are and that means you havent failed in the slightest. you cant force someone to do more in her life, concentrate on what you do for your baby rather than what you feel you should be doing xx i hope that all comes across right
As long as you love your daughter and she has the things she needs she’ll be happy. You’re going to college so obviously you’re trying to better yourself, you should be proud.
I think you’re doing a great job!
You’re in college so you’re not just sat on your bum doing nothing.
Not all families work out. It’s not to say you won’t find your Mr right and he’ll be a much better dad than her biological one!
You’ll eventually have a home of your own as well. Not all bad situations last forever!
Keep your chin up sweets!
Here if you ever need to talk x
Hugs to you sweetie. It doesnt matter how old you are, a young mum can do just as good a job as a 27/37/47 year old mum
Im sure your doing a great job so chin up hun xx
I think your doing a great job keep doing what ur doing x
hun , i think i speak 4 us all when i say we all get stressed out when r child is ill or havind a bad day as we cant help or sooth the problem, as 4 her daddy seeing him once a fortnight is better then nothing n if his family care they would make an effort to come n see ur lo , u r doing a fab job n r a fab mummie , massive hugs xxxx
The only things our babies need are love, warmth and food and im sure she has it in abundance. You have nothing to feel guilty for , being a single mum is hard work, give yourself a break and enjoy your daughter while she’s still young. They grow up far too fast ! hugs xxx
never feel guilty your lg is loved and cared for thats the only thing she needs i had my lg at 17 and its hard but you make it work the best you can and thats all your lo needs big hugs hun xx
your doing a fab job, and what mum doesnt get stressed out, or feels oober guilty when they spend money on themselves. your doing your best my your daughter and thats all that matters =) xx
your doing a great job and like you said you lo as everything she needs and more we all feel guilty when spending moeny on ourselfs because we think well she could need this or they could need that that the way life go’s hug but your doing wot is best for your daughter keep it up hun hugs xxx
Your doing a great job xx
You’re doing fab, don’t listen to those idiots who say otherwise and concentrate on your daughter
xx