Being a stepmother is tough. And while the challenge of bringing up someone else’s children is often rewarding, most women will find it trying at times, too.
Your bond with your stepchildren is likely to affect your relationship with your partner. Shared love and affection for the kids will help keep you close, but a fractious relationship with them could drive a wedge between you. It’s no wonder so many stepmothers are now seeking relationship advice that helps them address issues with both their partner and the kids.
Relationship advice website thecoupleconnection.net attracts thousands of step-parents each month, all of whom are motivated to work on their step-parenting skills to improve their relationship with their partner as well as their stepchildren.
Here we share some of thecoupleconnection.net’s most popular step-parenting advice:
Bonding
The key to bonding with a stepchild is to take things slowly. Remember a family break up can cause upset and confusion for them, which may result in some bad behaviour for a while. Don’t take this as a personal insult, instead try to be open and friendly around the child and allow them to come round to you in their own time.
It may be impossible for the two of you to ever love each other as if you were biologically related, but by accepting this and relieving the pressure on you both, you may be surprised at just how quickly you can grow to love a child, and vice versa.
Discipline
Stepfamilies are one of the fastest growing family types, and often involve the bringing together of children from two separate partnerships. When there are children from different families living in one house it’s important to set a parenting style and boundaries that will work for all those involved.
Don’t try to discipline your stepchildren before you’ve developed a relationship with them. Disciplinecan only be effective in an environment where there’s mutual respect and affection. Sit down with your partner and agree how children’s misbehaviour will be managed in the early days, and stick to the resulting plan. Remember, when a child grows to likes a step-parent they’ll try to keep them happy, resulting in better behaviour.
Loyalty and jealousy
Parents always have strong feelings of loyalty to their children; try to respect this and don’t feel pushed out by it. Your partner’s children represent another priority and commitment, but try not to view them as a threat to your relationship.
Similarly, when a partner has to continue to parent with their ex, it’s not always possible to completely cut out the past. But they are now parents, not partners. Try to maintain perspective and work with your partner in the best interests of the children.
Making time for each other
As many martial therapists will agree, the most effective <strong>relationship advice</strong> out there is making time for each other.
Children add extra pressure to any relationship, and for stepfamilies there’s often little time to build a relationship before they come on the scene.
It becomes frustrating not being able to predict when you’ll be able to find that extra time just to relax together. But if you can at least try and make a commitment to seizing those moments when they come along it can really help you to focus on your relationship. Even just an hour or two a week, with no kids around, can allow you to share new experiences and remind you of all the reasons you first fell in love.
For more relationship advice for step-parents as well as further relationship advice and support visit http://thecoupleconnection.net .
About The Real Supermum
i can totally relate to this i moved in with my partner and his 2 children in 2003 i was shortly followed by one of his other sons. they had all been removed from there mothers care the yongest was 6year old at the time. they was dependant on me from the day i moved in there father worked 8 till 8 most days so i had to clothe them and feed them everyday my first arrived in 2004 and the boys was very helpful, i became a little distant from the youngest boy i did what most mothers probably do spent more time sorting the baby out, i bonded very well with all 3 boys 2 off which had special needs as they grew older i felt more and more distant knowing i wasnt actually there mother and one day the kids mite resent me even though it wasnt my fault there mum couldnt be botherd to turn up for the last 8 year ! i tryed to disaplin them but there was only so much i could do as they got older they got wiser and said your not my mum and same with most parents 1 contradicted the other and told them different. now i think i have a bond with them yes there teenagers now so a bit moody and got the oh my god go away attitude but i see them as my kids and try to treat em all the same and take them out for an hour of bonding time each a week x its hard work being a stepmummy lol
I have step children and they love me to bits, I equally adore them. I treat them no different to my own children and I believe that stability hel
Helped our relationship. Very true about them being eager to please web there is live and respect x
Very very helpful. Thankyou xxx
yes, this is defo a gard 1. being a step-mum, i know only too well. there must be a roll for the step-parent with discipline as they must know they have the ability to give discipline too but at the end of the day the main roll must remain with their parent! dont try to be/ replace their parent as it wont work!!! try to let (make) the main parent keep seeing their child or keep in touch in some way regularly but remember…there is only so much you can do!!! x
i sometimes worry about the relationship my little one has with his dads other half.
good advice