When they say “til death do us part” in front of the preacher, no newly wedded couple can even visualize the idea of divorce in their future. But, as the fact that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce attests, divorces do occur, despite all good intentions to the contrary.
Divorce is devastating. Both members of the couple are emotionally destroyed, the financial ramifications are monumental, and the legal complications difficult. But of course, the toll is greatest on the children.
Children feel guilty
Psychiatrists say that when a couple divorces, the children of the divorce almost automatically blame themselves. In their eyes, these two loving people got married and everything was fine until the child came along. This may be the furthest thing from the truth, but since the child was not there at the outset, he can only assume that everything was fine until he came along. Imagine the emotional burden of a small child who truly believes he caused his parents to split up.
Time is taken away from them
Children suffer in other ways, and these ways only serve to intensify the emotional pain they are experiencing. When one parent is out of the home, it usually means that the other parent has the entire burden of running the family. This may mean that there is no time for transportation to soccer games, that school events may have to be skipped, that dinner is often on the run. Pity the poor child who feels the guilt of his parents divorce, and now has lost his normal emotional support of sports activities. In addition, it becomes clear to the child that he is no longer loved, when parents can’t find the time to attend school events.
And so are their things
The financial burdens have a major impact on the children of divorce. Even under the best of circumstances, when the couple is financially secure, the cost of divorce can be difficult to bear, and it is the children who feel it the most. Running two households is going to create expenses that are twice as great as before. Discretionary items, such as vacations, video games, trips to the movies or amusement parks will be the first victims of the cutbacks. What child would not believe that these former pleasures are being denied him because of his guilt?
It is of the utmost importance that each of the parents set aside their own animosities and concentrate on the effect the divorce is having on their children. Everyone must be willing to make sacrifices during this difficult period, since, as strongly as they believe so, it is no fault of the child that parents divorce.
Divorce is normally harder on children than adults. Therapy might be a good idea, but do a free people search before choosing your therapist or counselor. Someone with no marriage experience or a rocky job history may not be the best person to guide you.
About The Real Supermum
Too many parents use the children as weapons, they really need to grow up! Everyones in pain during a divorce.
agree with the above comment.. its not the kids fault that their parents marriage breaks down but then again a relationship shouldnt stay together for the sake of the kids.. they understand alot more than what we give them credit for. i think as long as you are honest with your kids and make sure they understand that it is not their fault and they mummy and daddy still love them. x
Couldnt agree more with this post x x
i agree,… were not married but still hope we dont ever split… but of course sometimes its better, but we would always put the kids 1st and how they feel, best way for them.
I agree the children are used as weapons I’ve not been through this myself but seen people,go through it and it’s not fair on the children x
I thinks child follows their parents and if parent behave rudely with each other in front of their child then child have negative impact on their mind. So parent should avoid such things. Parent must spend some time with their child.
My Dad has had two divorces, I personally never blamed myself for either of them or feel effected by the,.one lady is my biological mother and the other is my mum! x
My mum and dad split and divorced when I was about 4/5.
Before that there are times I can remember we were all happy.
my dad was my hero and he would spoil me as I was his only daughter and my mum was happy too.
Then they started rowing. Nights would be about listening to them tear shreds out of each other and it scared me.
My older brother was put into care because my mum tried to kill him and then everyone was sad. I didnt understand where he was or why and I was too young.
After that my dad left one day. My mum and dad sat us down and told us that they were splitting up. We would still have a mum and a dad but seperate now. We would live with mum and see dad whenever.
I didnt cope well not seeing my dad. I missed him so much and would scream at my mum to let me see him or ring him and beg him to come home.
Not seeing him every day killed me and it killed him too.
He hadent wanted the split it was my mum who decided that she wanted to see other people.
He was heartbroken and to make it all worse right from the get go my mum hated him.
She was always so angry and wouldnt make it easy for him to see us despite it being her choice.
She started drinking and had a new bf. I hated him, he was a drunk too and she would go see him and take us with her eating cola chewits in the back of his car while she went in the house with him.
I made things so bad for her she stopped seeing him, but there were others and every time I would hate them as they werent my dad.
My dad when we saw him was sad. He had to live in a hostel and he was lonely.
He tried to make the best of the little time he was allowed with us, on weds 5-8 and sat 10-6. That was all we had. It wasent enough for any of us or him.
We would see him in town and he had to ignore us, or she would drag us away.
Divorce was hard, my mum and dad sold the house and mum made us live in a bed and breakfast for a year. Dad had to pick us up outside. Having no home was hard. We all shared a room and my mum was still drinking there was no escape.
My dad moved on and found a new wife who I liked. She was very motherly and even my mum got on with her. Then she died of cancer and my heart broken dad eventually found my stepmum who he has been with now for over twenty years and they love each other to the ends of the earth. My dad finally got his family and its my mum whos ended up being alone. She made everything so hard, contact with my dad, changing the rules and digs at him or about him all the time. My brothers and I were definately a weapon and thats sad. She chose to leave my dad so she should have taken the fall not allowing my brothers and I to be used in her war.
The only good thing to come out of it is the fact my dads happy now, and has been for a long time. My stepmum completes him and gave him everything he wanted and more.
I was 6 when my mum and dad split, the only problem I had with it was being able to see my nan still as I was always close to my nan. It affected one of my younger sisters more than anything and my other younger sister was too young to even notice. Some people don’t realize how it affects the children in the long run. Me and my ex split when Ronan was 4 months and only divorced february last year. It has only really started affecting Ronan this last 6 months as when he goes to his dads for the weekend he keeps saying mummy back soon and when he comes back home all Sunday night and Monday I hear daddy back soon so for 24 hours hes back home he wants his dad home although he knows daddy doesn’t live with us any more and probably wont remember daddy living with us. I hate people who use their children as a weapon, there is no need for it. My mum did it and it ended up with me and my sisters not getting along with my mum (although I have other reasons as well) I vowed that would never happen with Ronan, he will always go with his dad of a weekend and we will have our time together during the week. Ok I am far from rich but we do have money for days out during the week and over half term even if its only something as stupid as going to beach or an arcade