My first experience of violent behaviour was when I was growing up, I remember telling my neighbours, I was about 8 or so, that my dad had beaten my mum up the night before and not thought anything of it. I could tell by my dads face that I was in for it later but didnt really know why. It wasnt unitl many years later that it dawned on me that it was wrong and not every man hits his wife. I suppose you could say I was predisposed to finding a violent man for myself, not that I saw it that way at the time.
At 17 I got into a relationship with a 28 year old man. I was very naive at that age and fell into a trap very quickly. In the early stages of our relationship I had an accident ( another blogs worth ) where I shattered my right ankle, my parents werent very good at parenting in many different ways but especially at this time of my life. I was in hospital for 3 months due to the nature of my accident and complications. My parents had decided as I no longer worked they didn’t want me home anymore and despite them having family insurance and receiving £1500 for being in hospital I had nothing, not even a pair of knickers to my name.
So my only option was to move in with him. Things escalated dramatically from him flipping from one moment to the next, the beatings, the psychological damage and the lack of support from my family. He had messed me up really bad and had taken me to where my mum lived, my nose was across my face and my clothes were bloody and ripped and she literally turned her back on me and walked off. He then said to me, see even your mother doest want you. The one time I needed my mum to hold her hands out to me and she turned her back ( bearing in mind I had my ankle in a cast and was on crutches ).
The violence got worse after this, it got to a point where tears didn’t fall from my eyes anymore and I was almost looking down on myself watching what was happening. The beatings were bad but the things he said were much worse. Like I said I was very niave, he said to me one day out of the blue, choose out of your little sisters and if you don’t ill kill them both. I believed everything he said at the time I will have to live with what was said for the rest of my life.
He’d chained me to the radiator and told me he was going to kill my mum, these were only a few of many thousands of things that he put me through. I came through it after disappearing when he got sent to prison. I moved onto another violent relationship and had my first child, she was 2 before I realised that things couldn’t continue like this and I refused to be like my parents, it was difficult but I left him for the sake of my child. I haven’t looked back since for the benefit of my daughter.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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