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I’m in a really dark place at the moment and don’t know what to do. 9-10 years ago I left my ex. He used to rape and beat me, whilst I was pregnant and after. The day I went into labour he pushed me down a flight of stairs, i ended up going into labour and having an emergency c-section. All of a sudden when Facebook changed all their settings, my brother started receiving messages from him, wanting contact with my son etc.
In the past he has been told not to contact me, he applied to the court for contact, but never went through with the risk assessment etc and I have got on with my life for the next 8 years. He told me if i ever left him he would hunt me down and kill me, he would get a gun, kill me and take my son. In the messages to my brother and then my mother he admits hurting me. he has just completed an IDAP course (court ordered). I posted something on facebook about him not seeing my son and called him some names (I have since deleted them) he messaged my mum as he obviously saw these things. He would have had access to my location and everything I get up to in daily life.
I freaked out completely. The police has now fitted a panic button in my house, I have not let any of my kids out of my sight for a second. I’m not eating and I’m not sleeping, I feel so ill right now. I dont know what to do with myself. I just want my brain to turn off so i stop remembering all the things i thought i had put away and “got over” I am not over these things. I just thought I was. Tomorrow I have to go and give a video interview to try and convict him for the things he did to me all those years ago when I was just 17. I have to sit there and talk in detail about everything he did. Things I would rather forget. If i don’t, it will not be recorded and will not be considered in his bid to get access to my son.
I’m at my wits end. All my family live in london, I live down south on my own, I have isolated myself recently from any real life friends ( I have a disabled child and have been struggling with depression- my best friends will not even speak to me since April) I want to go back home to Surrey, I cannot sleep at night, every noise I hear fills me with fear, I dare not fall asleep in case he comes and I dont hit the panic button in time. Every part of me aches, and I just want to go home to my mum, but with the four kids, they have school and nursery and I cant just take them out of school.
I dont know who to turn to. The police phone multiple times a day, but it feels like my head is going to pop, every time the phone rings, its another reminder of the situation. And i cant wait to get off the phone to them, I know they are just trying to help, its their job. But i really feel like I cannot take anymore, like i cant breath, when i go outside it feels like my chest is going to explode and my heart is pounding in my head. sorry i know its a lot, but I didn’t know who else to contact.
[notice]This post is an anonymous guest post*[/notice]
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Sorry to hear ((((hugs))))). If the police are helping and trying to convict him then just try and sit tight. You have support and that’s the main thing. Tell yourself it will get easier.
Personally I changed mine and my son’s names and ran for the hills – a change of school is nothing compared to your mental health.
So sorry to hear what he did and how he’s making u feel!
By doing the video link if he gets convicted that might take a weight f your shoulder maybe? The policevare helping which is good. Maybe moving away to be near your family is a good idea as they will be there to support u the kids sill adapt to a ew school and I think when they get older they will understand why u took them from that area. Big hugs xxx
I would second the notion of name changing once this ordeal is over. I presume you have a restraining order issues to prevent him from coming within x amount of feet/miles to you and your children?
It must be awful reliving those memories, but in order to prosecute him and keep your children safe it is important that you take those few difficult steps.
Is there anyway you can move nearer to family or perhaps have a family member come and stay for a few days at a time just to break up the loneliness and let you get some rest?
He can not find out where you live even though Facebook now has location settings. It’s pretty inaccurate. You need to go to the GP and get yourself some counselling for the anxiety Hun.suffer quite badly but just talking about it helped You need to get yourself in the right frame of mind. Your kids need their mother to be well again. Then you need to focus on the video interview. It probably will be horrific for you but you need to be strong because you need to give
the evidence needed to punish the animal that’s done this to you.
Also. Consider moving back to be near your family because I feel you could do with their support. X
Big massive hugs hun(**) i think the best thing you can do for you and your children is to move back to where your family are and change your surname. I know it will be hard with the kids having schools etc but you will find another school, and i school is nothing compared to your mental state and keeping you all safe x x
Huni you will get thru it tho it doesnt seem like it at mo. I was sexualy abused 23ish years ago and its just come out now, the video interview is harrowin but I am glad I did it, it was only last friday. My heart goes out to you and please dont h
get disheartened, they can prosicute them from yrs ago, mine is a historic case, I shud of told all them yrs ago but he cant get away wiv it. Big hugs huni xxxxx
firstly, u r so brave to have shared this and i am so sorry u have been left feeling like this, im glad the police seem to be helping but see how it could be very overwhelming, u need to try and look after urself though hun or ur gonna be no use to those kiddies, i really hope he gets punished for what he did to u, stay strong!
big hugs to you for been so brave, u may not feel it right now but u will realise in time how brave u was and are. i cant imagine how u feel but at least once its been through court u will have a little peace of mind, stay strong chick and hugs once again xxx
aw hunni. massive hugs to u. have the police referred u to victim support.? if not it might be worth getting in touch with them. i know it may not seem like it at the mo but time is a great healer. the police are doing everything in their power to keep u and your children safe. i know its easier said than done but u really need to try and relax a little for your sake aswell as for your kids. xxx
Well done huni for taking a stand,I agree with the above info of change of name would be advisable maybe speak to victim support x I hope you have all the help + support you need good luck in the future x
Hunni, remember the breathing exercises while in labour? When you feel yourself starting to panic, use the same techniques. In through the nose, out through the mouth. And remember you are doing the right thing by telling the courts about him. For you AND for your son.
We’re all here for you to talk to sodon’t feel guilty about a long post. Its what the blog is for. Hugs hunni, keep strong xx
I know this was written a while ago now, but I hope things have got better. Just remember, stay strong for your son. xxxx
your doing the right thing, i hope things have got better and are getting sorted now.
Hugs hunni, It is going to be hard, but hopefully things will get better for you x x