We had many mixed views on the discussion of allowing your child to cry last night on my mums group.
I am of the opinion that it is OK to allow your baby to cry for short periods of time.
When you first become a mum and you have this tiny little baby to care for the thought of it crying can break your heart, aswell as break your ear drum. We rush to the baby and pick it up. We all do it, but what when the baby starts to grow? When the baby cries, just for the sake of it? Do we still run to quickly pick it up?
With 6 children in the house when my baby cries, my baby is now 17 months, I can quickly guess what he is crying for. Rather than rushing to him I can go and fetch him a drink, pass him a toy or simply distract him without the need to have him fastened to my hip.
There is no way I can pick up a child every time it cries. I have 3 under 3 and can not possibly have children hanging off my legs.
As a mother we learn to recognise our children’s cry. Are they hurt? If so every mother rushes to her child. It is mothers instinct to protect her own. But when they are whinging I am sorry but no, I will not pick them up.
All babies, young children cry, but I do not feel it cruel to allow them to a have a safe cry time on their own. It does not damage them, it does not make you a bad mother. I am often busy preparing meals for the family when one will become rather fed up of waiting for my attention so will whinge, they have to wait. I can just as easily give them a colouring book and crayons than pick them up and reward them for crying to gain my attention.
What a clever little girl for waiting for mummy to finish, that is a great reward and much better than having her hanging off my hip while I am trying to retrieve hot food from the oven.
It is the same at bedtimes, bed time is for sleeping. All my children need their sleep and so do I. If they wake during the night, I do not go running straight to them. I listen, why are they awake/ Are they thirsty? If so I am prepared as there is already a beaker of water within reach for them. Have they lost their much loved dummy? If so they will feel around and find it. Within minutes they will be back to sleep.
With my first child I was at her beck and call 24-7. Boy was I in for a rough ride with her as she got older. As I had more children I soon learned that that I had to take a step back and allow them to learn to have to wait a little while.
While to this day I would run to a baby under 6 months old from that age I believe they can be distracted with a favourite fun item to just allow me long enough to do what I need to do.
I do not believe allowing a young child to cry it out will hurt it in any way.
What are your views…
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About The Real Supermum
No leaving your baby to cry will not harm them.. sometimes we have other stuff to do x
i find it hard to leave my baby crying for long, but if im busy i dont rush off, babies need to learn to self soothe, so leaving them to cry sometimes is the only way they will do it.
Babies cry because they have no way of communicating. My little one only cried when hungry or when he wanted a cuddle (dirty nappies, teething etc didn’t seem to bother him). You do learn the difference in crying.
As he got older we stopped going to him unless we could hear it was a genuine cry rather than an attention cry. We can tell the difference. If it’s a genuine cry and we don’t know why we go straight away and make a fuss. If my son falls over or slightly bumps himself we make light of it. If he cries because he’s not getting his own way we ignore it. (he’s 18months). At night we only get up if it’s a genuine cry and we calm him, put him down and leave him to go back to sleep. This happens once in a blue moon. Kids need to learn to settle themselves because throughout life they don’t always have someone to come and sort it out for them.
I also think kids learn that crying = attention and if you fall for it or don’t give attention in other ways then you’re setting yourself up for a hectic time.
think it’s best way to be
I used controlled crying on my son.I also plan to do so with my unborn child.I learnt my sons cries and I am so glad I used controlled crying
With my 1st i used to pick him up every time he cried, i made a rod for my own back, he would be constantly attached to me, when i had my 2nd there was no way i could pick grace up every time she moaned, i had house work and joey to see to, she is the most content little girl ever, she goes to sleep on her own happily plays and only really cries when she is upset. i dont see any harm in it, you learn your own babies cry, whether it be hunger or dirty nappy. xx
think we can say we all did that a bit
I totally agree. I think you are making a rod for your own back if you rush to a baby at the slightest unhappy noise. My daughter proved this to me today. At 14 weeks old, she was laying on her mat, and I was laying beside her typing on the laptop. She started crying and as soon as I looked at her she started laughing/smiling. She just wanted my attention the little madam! x
she has you sused lol
With my 1st I did run at every cry and it was a big mistake but as they say u learn from your mistakes and I have with my 2nd and he’s so more laid back
x
I am an attachment parenter and I don’t go running to every whim but don’t let my children cry. I wouldn’t want to be ignored & cry myself to sleep so don’t expect my children to either. Yes sometimes it’s hard work catering for the needs of 4 children, but ultimately I decided to have them all.
it’s not just about bed time but when kids cry cos they can’t get their own way what else you gonna do
I love my children so much and I can’t stand watching them cry. My wife is also the same.
When I had reanne I was at her beck and call all the time and tbh I am kinka now she’s 4 in jan and she crys I go see why she’s cryin.. I no iv made a rut for my self but I do leave her a bit wen I no she’s cryin for no reason.. Majority of the time she’s cryin in frustration of not being able to reach things ie light for the toilet or something like that .. When I have another baby I will do the control cryin for longer than I did with reanne she knew she cryd I went running lol xx
If I didn’t let my lo cry some times I’d never get and thing done. He’s very clingie right now and will scream if he can’t reach me. I can all ways see him so I know he’s ok
Quite agree, I pandered to my sons needs til about 9months, then it clicked, he’s crying cos he knows I’ll come, a couple of nights of controlled crying at bedtime and I had him going to sleep on his own within 5minutes, after night 3, he just stopped crying, curled up and went to sleep! Of course its hard to hear them cry and I’ll only leave matthew to cry now if he’s takin a tantrum, I simply put him in his cot, close the door and have a sit down otherwise I’d crack up, I hear friends who are new mums going through the crying dilemma quite a bit and I tell them what worked for me, a lot say they can’t lwave their baby to cry, they will soon learn!
Depending on the age and situation. Before 6months they will have no idea that you are teaching them to self sooth. After 6months I believe that being left for a while before picking them up will teach them that they will not get their own way. Obviously if they are in need of something you don’t leave them to cry, if they just WANT something then yes, I would xx
it broke my heart when i first did it… made me feel awful but when cooking i need to try and keep calm but does break my heart but now i know its not cruel and wont hurt them xx
I remember when I had my 1st I used to panic when she cried (and she cried a lot) I’d go n pick her up, it got to a point were at 13months I had to rock her to sleep, by the timei had my 2nd I learned that I wasn’t superwoman, I got used to there own lil crys, whinges ment tired or bored, high pitched was somethin wrong ect….x x x
No, I don’t think it’s cruel, as a mum you learn your babies different cries, if my son has a tantrum n cries, I ignor him, but I know as soon as he is genuinely upset/hurt! Xx
As a mother you learn to tell the difference between a cry that needs your attention and one that doesn’t. Children seem to think even when they can talk that crying is the easiest way to get something and in most cases it’s not. Older siblings see their younger siblings usually babies crying and getting what they want and copy but then don’t like it when it gets them nowhere fast. As a mother you can’t physically react to every whinge whine and moan nor should you have to
some times it just gotta be done
no not at all, as long as they are clean fed and you know arent hurting its not going to harm them xxx
Im the same as you. I listen to the cry first. If its a whingy cry then he gets left for a while!x