This is the first time I have shared this.
Not sure how to start it but if we start from the start off it …
I was 7 when my nanny died, I lived with my mum and my 3 sisters and my mums boyfriend. They had been together since I was a baby. I thought I could trust him. Not long after my nan died I realised he was not the person I thought he was.
He came into my room late one night and woke me up, he said he had something to show me.
He then said “ I cant tell anyone because bad things will happen if I did”. He took my pants down and said “this is what I do to girls that are quiet”.
I was a very quiet little girl. I tired to scream, but he put one hand over my mouth while he touched me where I didnt want him too with his other hand. He then stopped and said “If you tell anyone I will hurt your mum”.
He used to beat my mum and had done for years. I kept quiet, he carried on for about a year. Every night, then it went quiet. He didnt come in my room for about 5 months. I thought it was finally over with. But then he came into my room again. I would lay there pretending to be a sleep, hoping he would just walk out off my room, but he never did.
This is when things got worse. He raped me that night for the first time.
The next day I went to school and when my mum picked me up I dint want to go home. She asked me why. I nearly told her but I couldn’t. I made up I just wanted to spend time with my mum on her own and go to the park. She took me to the park and when got home he was not there. I was so happy. I thought he had left but it turned out he was just away seeing his mum for 4 days.
Those were the best 4 days, I could finely go to sleep knowing he was not going to come in to my room. As soon as he got back he came in my room and said good girl you dint say anything. I dint say anything I was scared but it stared again, all most every night he would rape me.
He stared making my mum go out but wouldn’t let me go with her. He told my mum when she asked why she could not take me, he said so she didn’t have to take all the kids. He was being kind.
He would rape me while my mum was out and if she went for a bath he would touch me. When I was ten he went to jail for 6 months. I wanted to tell my mum but he sent his friend to stay with us. He was soon released from prison and it started more often. 5 maybe 6 times a week.
When I was 12 my mum left him and we went into a safe house. Best thing we have ever done. I had a fallen and hit my lady bits and stared bleeding. My mum took me to the doctors.
When the doctor had a look he said he needed to talk to my mum on her own.
I went with a nurse. About half an hour later my mum came out and took me home. She spoke to me and said the doctor had told her it looked liked I have been raped. Due to the damaged of my insides. I told her I had been raped.
The police turned up, I was scared and dint take him to court. Silly I know, I should of put him away for what he did to me. I was scared he would hurt my mum.
I had a lot of help but I still needed to tell my mum the fall story. I was 12 and very scared of what he would do, he was a very nasty man. I kept putting it off telling her the whole story. I was scared she would hate me and blame me for it.
I am now 28 years old, got two lovely children. I only told my mum the whole truth a year ago. She doesn’t blame me and does not hate me. We are very close, but it has ruined my life.
I don’t trust anyone with my kids. I have never left them with anyone, they are 8 and 10.
I still look over my shoulder to this day and still scared that one day he will find me and my mum.
I get depressed when I think about what happened, but someone told me I should write about it on here – so thank you for listening.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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