Thanks to Supernanny we all know the naughty step technique and while this technique can work very well, I am rather saddened to see some mums abusing this method of discipline.
I get rather irate when I hear and see mums using the naughty step for children as young as 12 months. Why?
What on earth can a baby
do that needs discipline? A baby is a baby and yet to even understand the concept of the word naughty.
Before your child can follow even the basic things you ask of them, they have to have quite a large vocabulary and a good idea of what you are even talking about. As young as 12 months, have they the slightest clue what you are asking them? Too many mums are rushing to put their child on the naughty step without even giving them chance to learn anything.
What happened to distracting the child? What about getting down to their eye level and talking in a calm but firm voice? Why are mums so quick to yell and shout and drag their rather confused child to a step?
Have you bothered to explain why they should not hit you? Do they understand why they are not to do that?
For children under the age of 3 I never recommend the naughty step. Try to distract them, remove them from the room by all means, involve them in what you are doing or get them involved in a new activity. The problem is then very quickly rectified, rather than spending a full hour trying to get a very annoyed and confused toddler to sit on some step, they have no idea what its even for.
Another thing toddlers will find very confusing is why one day they are allowed to do something, but the next day they are not. Maybe time a few mums sat down and thought about what it is they are expecting from their child.
No hitting – no biting are very common problems, are you going to just pick your child up and place them on the naughty step or are you going to teach your child the reason to why we do not do that to others?
Consistency is they key to successful good behaviour. If you give of that “Oh I just can’t be bothered today” sign, then good luck as your child will have you running round in circles.
Do you use the naughty step in your home?
Do you use the naughty step for a child under 3?
What are your own views on the naughty step technique?
Related articles
- Punishing your Child: Whats the right way? (therealsupermumblog.com)
About The Real Supermum
i use the naughty step on rhiannon aged 2 but only for when she does things that she knows are wrong ie hurting her brother. i know she knows they’re wrong from the look on her face when i catch her doing it. but things i know she cant understand are explained and thats all she needs. x
I didnt ever use the naughty step until now. It didnt work when she was little as she would easily be distracted but then wander off. She is now 3 in december and we have started using it properly. Well, a naughty mat as we live in a bungalow. Good job too, i think if i used a step she would just go up them! It actually works now, but i can see why it wouldnt work with a baby younger than 2. Lily now gets 3 warnings before she is taken to the mat where she sits for 5 mins until i go get her or she comes and apologises. Usually she doesnt have to go as with my three warnings she normally stops by the time i get to 2. I have found it very useful though as we have a new baby, 14 weeks and she is very rough and in his face, he gets very upset and i dont want him to be afraid of her because she gets in his face and scares him now. He loves to watch her from a distance but gets a bit anxious when she comes towards him, so i do use the naughty mat as a warning. She actually took herself off to it today without me even saying a word, as she knew she needed a time out. She came back a frew minutes later and said she was sorry. I think thats progress. Now im not saying it works 100% of the time. It doesnt. She is a toddler after all and will explode on occasion and no amount of discipline will calm her, just letting her get on with it is best.
i also use the naughty step… i have used it for my children from the age of 2.
i only use it for realy bad things like tuching the cooker (in my nans house) and smacking etc…
it is not a comon thing for me to say go to the naughty spot/step!
i do agree that 2 maney mums use it far too much.
but i think if it is used properly it is a good way of teaching what is rite and wrong… xxx
I use this technique with my three year old. He very rarely misbehaves and usually being warned is enough but maybe once a week he will need a bit more than that and so its used. It gives him a very clear message that whatever he’s done is not acceptable, and that’s the stop point. He’s never kicked off doing it, he sits quietly and waits the three mins then he apologizes to me and we hug.
I used this with my three other eldest and will for my youngest who’s just turned one.
I use it for violence to each other and for swearing or repeated backchat. It’s better than shouting and its teaching my youngest early what some boundrys are if he’s seen others do it.
I used the naughty step for the first time ever this morning. I have never used it or even time out before as I dont thnk Ive had to. But Luca is now 3years and 3 months and he knows that what he did this morning was not the way to behave (hit me and threw a bottle of squash in a tantrum) so yes, he sat and thought about what he had done! But I do have to say, Ive always looked at him when he has been ‘naughty’ and thought he was too young before to understand what was going on if I had have used time out or the naughty step. Normally, we just tell him it is a naughty thing to do and explain why, which would normally end up in tears as he felt so guilty for being told off! he hates the words ‘naughty’. x
Perosnally I feel that children should be taught right from wrong as soon as they are able to understand simple commands. I whole heartily agree with the naughty step/spot and when my children have past the reasoning stage and continue to do naughty things despite being asked, told and demanded to stop.
I started to use the naughty step with my children around the age of 2.
I don’t use the naughty step on my 21 month old, but he has a chair he sits in when he’s been bad, because yes he’s young, but I don’t want him being un Ruley x
I think there are parents that abuse the technique and use it as a way of controlling the kids but if its done correctly and in the proper manner its a good way to keep a situation from escalating or the parents temper at a better level.
I believe that its over thought im sure mums and dads do not ‘drag’ their child to the naughty step. every child is different some may understand some may not. im anoyed that the drag word was used to describe what happens when It actually does not x
i used the naughty step for my youngest daught..started around the age of two, she use to spit in your face when you got down to eye leval and spoke in a firm voice to her..
she was awful for biting..smaking..she would pull at her own face when you ‘ignored’ her naughty behaviour..so yes i used the step..no longer than a month later…she was behaving ( not fully but then who does ) but there was a huge improvement..
i have yet to use it on my other children…i have not needed to, but i do belive it works…sian is my proof
I agree with you completely. I do tell my daughter (2) off when she does hings that are inappropriate. I even withdraw privilledges at points, but only small and relevant things (i.e. turning off the TV if she repeatedly touches the screen whilst she is watching, despite being told no and having it explained why she should not). The naughty step is more about parents that children. We don’t know what to doto stop behaviours. We’ve seen it work. We understand the rules. Therefore, we use the naughty step. We forget that the children do not know the rules, and as you have said, often can’t understand the rules, and therefore do not benefit from it. I would however always prefer the naughty step, (used fully, with it’s warnings, explanations and making up atthe end) to the mothers who scream and shout at toddlers apparently on a whim with no consistancy and with real anger.
i have never used the aughty step usually ronan stops doing what hes doing wtrong the first time i tell him no! once or twice ive put him in his room for 2 mins to calm him down during a temper tantrum. i feel quite lucky to be honest as ronan isnt really that naughty. yes he has tantrums and rarely carrys on doing something after i have said no and is really good if i take him to the shops as he knows he will get a treat for being a big boy and behaving and he wont gt anything for being a little horror who does nothing but tantrum xx
I agree with most of the other mums with around 2 years of age being the right time to start disaplining a child with naughty step or spot i wouldnt ever do it any earlier than 2 … I dont think its a bad thing mums are turning to this its a much better alternitive to tapping hands and alot of parents turn to that … i am a mother to 4 children and a step child ive helped countless other friends and family prior to having children along the almost 15 years ive been a mother … and i think its one of the best things to have ever come about .. children need boundrys and limits and if set young have less problems growing up accepting boundries … sometimes just a few minutes of time out to calm down and think about what they have done… Just because you use the step or spot dosnt mean you havent taken the time to explain why they shouldnt do what they have done it normally means if done correctly they understand why they were not meant to do what they did your meant to explain why before they go on the step /spot prior to placing them on it … I also believe all children are very differnt and it all goes down to a mothers choice sometimes this method dosnt work for alll …
I do use the naughty spot for my 17 month old & it works. She gets placed on there if she hits her brother or if distracting her doesn’t work and she needs to b taught it’s wrong.
I don’t need anyone to tell me what the right and wrong way to discipline my kids is. Each to their own but Noone should b judged for their way of discipline. After all surely the naughty step in better than a klout round the ear like I got wen I was young…?
I have used this technique on Lilly whos 15 months, but only after trying everything else, like getting dowwn to her level, putting her down on the floor, saying no in a firm voice, in fact the only thing I didn’t try wwas smacking and thats because I don’t personally like it, she was constantly hitting me, pulling my hair, pinching me, and actually made me cry on a few occasions, even the hv told her of once, cause I was telling her off and she was laughing in my face and doing it again with the other hand, in the end, I ended up strapping her in her highchair with nothing aand I left the room for 1 minute then went back. I don’t use it now, shes got much better and if she does hit or anything, I say no you need to be gentle with mummy, then she rubs her hand on where it was she had hit me
xx
I use the nawty step with my daughter and she’s only 17 months!I don’t leave her or make her sit there for a certain amount off time I place her on it go to her level and calmly tell her wat she did was wrong until she stops tantruming then she gives me a kiss sorry and gets down and plays,she’s bad with her tantrums,throwing stuff,pinching,biting,smacking and shouting no and move,so if I ignore it wat am I teaching?nothing at all!she’s at the age where she’s learning everything,and I think learning right from wrong is something very important to learn xx
You don’t just pick them up and put them on the naughty step and leave it at that though, if you use the technique correctly. You put them on the naughty step which is the punishment for the bad behaviour then you get down to their level and talk to them about what has just happened. This is the part where you teach them why we don’t do that to others.
I think it also depends on each individual child and their level of understanding. My eldest daughter was very advanced in her speech and understood a lot more at 1 and half than my youngest daughter did. I could use the naughty step earlier with KayCee because I was confident that she would understand the explanation at the end of her minute or 2 minutes but Ella wasn’t put on the naughty step until she was nearly 3 because she wouldn’t have understood why she was sat there.
I totally agree about consistency being the key, which is why we are consistent with the naughty step. The children now know what behaviour will end with them being sent there and with the girls being 6 and 4 now, we hardly ever have to use it anymore.
The ‘naughty step’ for me it known as time out. lo is always asked 2-3 times if hes doing something naughty and always asked eye to eye and in a firm voice before being placed on time out.
I did start him when he was around 2years etc pull my hair, i have aked twice no, not nice. lo was placed on time out for a few mins.
i think time out for a child is a fab idea as it removes them from the situation where they can calm down and think actually it makes mummy/daddy sad when i do naughty things.
I must say i have always explanned why the time out step has been used eye to eye with my child, so he also understand why hes been put there.
Thankfully i havent had to use it in a while, hes just gone three years old. So yes its very effective and does works. x
i like the idea of time out step, i will use that instead of naughty, i think, when the time comes.
I have four children aged 6, 3, 20 months and 1 year, i have never used the naughty step, nor do i intend to. NOT because i feel its a ‘bad’ way to teach kids, but i found other methods have worked and still work for US. I simply give them a warning if doing behaviour they should not, IE in a supermarket and running wild. If they then continue, they have a concequence ( this is for the older 2) And thats usually a toy taken away for 24 hours. That has always worked for me. Then if doing something dangerous ( this includes younger) then i remove them from the situation. And if they return, i remove from the area completly, so if in garden, then they placed in the dining room and told NO again, this works as they dont like being away from us, but i do not have set time, they understand now, and it very rarley gets to that point of removing or taking a toy, with 4 very young children, no support, quite simply i have to be firm but fair, i never raise my voice, or smack or shout, just tell them what they are doing is wrong, and why its wrong. even my 20 month old understands and knows the rules. as you say consistency is most DEF the Key.
I use it and my kids are 7, 5 and 3, but it works for the 3 yr old mainly. My baby is 12 mths and I wudnt dream of putting him on it. Hes learnt the word no and wot it means and thats all he need to know x
We brought the naughty step in when Caitlyn was 2 at the advise of the Health visitor, she has always been miles ahed with speech so they felt it would help, it did until she realised that she could go up the stairs quietly to her bedroom a step at a time with out me noticing until she was nearly at the top. I send her to her bedroom for 10 minutes to ‘cool down’ it works a treat and after that she comes down and we talk about why it was naughty xx
each to their own and all that but i agree. they just dont understand enough. there must be basci discipline but we started at about age 3…..however, i dont think really that it is the gae but the maturity of the child. my daughter would have understood at age 2 but my son would not!!! x x
I have never used the naughty step as I honestly dont think my daughter would stay on it! (shes nearly 3) and lately has started to hit me and not just tapping like full on slaps across my face, I have tried a firm voice, I have tried ignoring it, I have picked her up and put her down away from me and said no I have picked her up and put her down away from me saying nothing. A friend said to put her up into her room for 5mins when she does this, but is this transferring it into the ‘naughty room’ instead of step? help xx
Firstly I do agree that the time out/naughty spot is often used amounst parents/cares can has and is abused! As a result these these forms of dicipline become more of a problem then the reasons they are used for.
I don not agree that there should be an age limit although having said that a child under the age of 12 mths I do feel is to soon.
I do use the above steps however Only after I have tried other methods such as removing deflecting and warnings all with reasons as to why there behaviour is neither excepatable are or wanted ( I use simple basic language that I know my children do understand).
We call our spot “The Silly Spot” and our time out is there own personal chair where they will sit back with a drink sometimes with a dvd other times with a book. This will adapt over time to accomadate ther age both mentally as well as physically but also with there individual level of understanding. This will also adapt according to the unwanted behaviour displayed at that time.
I started using the above with my son when he was 4 neally 5 yrs old this was because generally a quite boy shy and timid but also because due to health related issues meaning it took time for me as his mother to work out what he understood but also for my son to clearlly demonstrate what he understood.
My daughter on the other hand is 21 mths now and we started using the above dicipline when she was 18 mths old. Why you ask well she is a bright clever little fire cracker who has on more than 1 occassion clearlly demonstrated that not only does she understand by way of facial expentions but also through speech.
My personal thought is that all forms of dicipline needs to be adapted to cater to the individule child and there personal level of understanding that no form of dicipline should be used freely just because. Also i feel that it is more confusing more frustrating to a child who has been aloud to hit bite and perform for the first 3 yrs + before dicipline kicks in and as far as i’ve seen or heard there is no evidence thats suggest children from 3 yrs old onwards cope better or quiker. I firmly believe that consistance is the key regardless.
Rightly or wrongly these are my opinions and so far my boy is 11 and doing very well as is my daughter
I have to admit i use the naughty step for both of my children….. aged 2 and 4. They constantly smack each other and the only way to rectify there behaviour is to completly seperate them and make them sit and think about what they have done. They know it is wrong and after there time out they are much more craing and play nicely. It is important to set them bounderies and discipline when needed.
I dont use the naughty step. if James (3.6years) is naughty, i move him from what he did wrong, i get down to his level and i explain what he did is naughty, and it makes mummy (or whoever he hurt etc) sad. then i tell him to just sit down (normally on the sofa) and think about what he’s done. then to qpologise when he’s ready. he’ll sit down for 3 or 4 minutes not doing anything. then i get a sorry. very effective x
I was told today to start using the naughty step! so tomorrow i shall try something else! xx
I use the naughty step for my lg (3), I allway exsplain why she’s being put on it so she understands what she’s done wrong, if she smacks me/someone I will take her to the naughty step and tell her why It was naughty to do that xx
i dont use the naughty step as it doesnt weork for my children x