I was with my ex partner for ten years, it started happy loved up you know the story. After two years we were joking around and he wanted me to wear a short skirt to bed and I had said “If you want me to wear it that bad, then you wear it” and I threw the skirt at him. He put it on and came to bed in it and we had a good giggle. He then starting to wear it everynight to bed, which didn’t bother me at first then he started wearing my tops, my tights and small amounts of make-up. Slowly over the next 2 years I was having depression problems but he was more interested in himself and “tarting himself up”.
I started to ask “Can you not do it for just 3 nights a week?” but he said he couldn’t as he felt comfy in it. I loved him so stayed and thought it would get less, oh I was so wrong. It got to the point where I couldn’t invite friends around after 5pm as he was dressed up, sex got to become once a month, some times longer as I was starting to find him unattractive. I found videos of him on the computer of him dressed up in seductive poses. I confronted him and he said he wanted to see wat he looked like, so I dropped it. He told me that he had seen a physicist and said he thought he wanted to be a women but they dismissed it. He asked if I could call him a female name whilst he was dressed up and having sex. I said I couldn’t as I felt uncomfortable and I felt hurt.
We had our first baby boy in 2006 and I honestly thought this would change everything , oh I was so wrong again. We moved to another town and I found out I was pregnant with my daughter in 2008. The sex got worse as the only way he could orgasm was for me to stick one of my fingers up his bum, he couldn’t get an erection with out me doing it either. In other words I didn’t turn him on sexually but he said he still loved me. It got to the point that I wanted to leave but thought “no I have two children this is my life now”
Then I became friends with someone off a chat room, we got talking and after 3 months we both realised we’d started to fall in love with each other. We met up a few months later mainly for me to see if the feelings were real and when we saw each other I knew he was the man I wanted in my life. The now ex found stuff on my laptop about me and the “new man”, this was at 3am and he beat me and took my children out the house to his mothers. I did nothing, as I thought I deserved everything I got. It hurt like hell losing my babies as one was 23months and the other only 9 months old and yes it very nearly killed me inside.
Writing this is bringing back those painful memories. It has been 3 years ago now and I am still with the “new man” and we are so happy, happier then I have ever been my whole life. Now I only seeing my two babies 3 times a week and we now also have a 20 month old as well. I love all 3 of my babies the same … I know I get judged for what I did. I let my children go and people think I must be a heartless bitch for doing it, but i’m not all I did was fall in love with another man and this is my punishment.
This post is an anonymous guest post*