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I met him when I was 17. I was just out of school and he was my second ‘serious’ boyfriend.
We met at work, my first job, he was two years older than me and I was flattered that he would chat to me during our shifts. He was tall and good looking but shy and quiet. It took a few weeks but one night after work we went for a drink and from there we had a relationship that lasted just over a year. To everyone we seemed like a lovely couple. And the truth is, I fell in love with him pretty quickly. We spent a lot of time together and we found that we had very similar childhoods and upbringings.
Four months into the relationship he sat me down, ‘I have something I need to talk to you about’ he said. My heart beat faster, I thought it was all over. But it wasn’t a breakup, it was an admission. He had a secret, he told me he trusted me with it, that he had never trusted anyone before. I was naive at 17. I hadn’t had much experience, only having had one other three year relationship since I was 13. I was relieved that he wasn’t about to end our relationship and hugely flattered that he trusted me.
So I said he could tell me anything. He fished around in the pocket of his jeans and then held his closed fist out to me. I reached out and took what he was offering. A packet of cigarettes. ‘You smoke? Ok, I don’t mind that. Why would you keep that a secret?’ I asked.
‘No, I don’t smoke. They’re for you’. I had never had a cigarette in my life. In fact growing up with parents that smoked I was actually pretty anti-smoking. But it turned out that this boy had a fetish. Smoking turned him on, and if I wouldn’t smoke ‘for him’ then we couldn’t be together.
I feel so, so stupid for what I did next. I didn’t walk away, I lit up. My self confidence was so low and I was desperate for him to want me.
We stayed together for another six months. In my naivety I thought that I could just have one or two cigarettes when I was with him and that I would never get hooked. But as soon as I lit that cigarette he changed. He wasn’t happy unless I was smoking. He would tell me to light another almost as soon as I had put one out. He would make me smoke during sex.
I never told anyone because I felt stupid and because I loved him. But after six months I walked away. Only as well as a broken heart I was left as a 20 a day smoker. A habit even ten years later that I am struggling to break. Some say I was weak, some that I was wrong, some that I was pressured and manipulated. I don’t know what I was. I just know I am still a smoker and I wish that I had never started.
Were you bullied into smoking? Did you start smoking due to peer pressure?
This post is an anonymous guest post
About The Real Supermum
You poor thing. I know there are loads of different fetish, I have heard of smoking fetish before. Its an odd one but it takes all sorts. Glad ur not with him now, sad that u now have a dangerous habit because of him
Hey babe my partner is anti smokin but it turns him on if we r in tha bedroom he tells me light one up. I started smokin threw peer pressure & my grandad passin away when I was 11 & now m’21 hate it really want to quit specially for my son but findin it hard myself. Always here if u need any support xx
aww hunni big hugs !! dont feel stupid .. all of us do something silly when were under pressure xxx
Huggles hunni. I’m a smoker myself.. Mine was because “all my friends were doing it” I was 14. I am now 27 & still cannot to the life of me stop. I stopped while expecting my children.. but as soon as they were out.. I started straight away again… Don’t blame yourself hun xxx
Fetishes are weird at times… I’ve never smoked although when I was younger I tried and hated it. I hope 1 day you’ll be able to kick the habit x
I made the mistake of starting as they were apparently stress reliefe. I was 13 and severly bullyied because oh having a broken jaw for a year. I started pinching them from my mum and nan. I was hooked. I managed to when I was pregnant but I’d start afterI’d had them. I restarted this time when I was in labour with Lilli (its not an excuse but I was allowed no pain relief and they were insisting I walked about, which meant walking downstairs with my hubby so he could have a fag I gave up and begged him for 1) x
When your young and in love it can make u do silly things, unfotunately it left u with a bad habit. Hopefully one day you’ll be able to break the habit xxxx
Ive never smoked i hate it i hate the smell it leaves on your clothes!
Its sounds most certainly like you were presured in a round a bout way the man you loved and trusted made you feel like you needed to do this, unfortunately it has obviously left you with this habit that your not happy with. I personally smoke 20-25 a day I started at 13 when a few of the ‘cool’ kids were i was bullied horrendously and thought they would like me if i did how dumb was I. I have managed to stop a few times but the addiction kicks in and it gets worse. But hun if you want to quit there are so many ways about your GP, smoke cessation group support or on your own so to speak . And maybe updating us via the blog as to how your doing maybe a quitters diary not only could it help you but others around you. I am at the stage where I want to and need to but need to pluck up the courage to ask my GP for help as i know I can’t do it alone, I had a major reaction to patches and do not want that again xx
Huni you were young and impressionable I hope in time you kick your habit. I’m very much an anti smoker to me seems a waste of money xx
SuperMum,
I too started smoking because my boyfriend liked it. Now that we have been married for over eight years with children, he still LOVES that I smoke for him and we have a superb sex life together. He does many things for me of course, in bed and just about anything outside of bed to make sure I know I’m loved and appreciated wherever I go. I’m careful not to smoke too much of course, all things in moderation, but I wouldn’t give up our smoky sex life for anything.
Couldn’t think of anything worse, I can’t stand smoke yuk!
ohhun its not stupid, we all do silly things when were under prre pressure, hugs x x
I wasnt pressuredbinto smoking, i chose to caise all my mates did, but this.post doesnt half make me think. there are so many unexplored, but disturbing.fetishes out there and theres no telling how they affect others
I had something similar happen to me, sort of. My girlfriend smoked and I nagged her about it all the time. When we both started dating I didn’t know she smoked as she did it secretly. By the time I found out I was so much in love with her that I just accepted it and, once I did, she started smoking in front of me. I was shocked at how much she’d do it. Probably between 10 and 20 cigarettes each and every day (and night). She kept promising to quit but that would only last, max, 3 days.
She eventually started blaming ME! She told me how I didn’t understand and that I should just ignore it and so forth.
Finally, with the summer starting, she said that if I understood it I’d be more tolerant so she suggested that I try it for a month or two and then we can quit together. She said quitting was easier if it was done with someone else as we can reinforce each other, and showed me articles to prove it.
I eventually was convinced and felt that if it would work things would be much better for both of us, so I did it. I remember the day June 28th, 2009 (that’s how important it was to me).
I started off with only 2 or 3 cigarettes a day, around mealtimes. She suggested I do it more often since, if I’d smoke like she did, we can start “even”. It took almost two months to do that and at that time I reminded her of her promise to quit together. I retorted that she originally said a maximum of 2 months but she said she meant if I were smoking like she was…for two months! She didn’t say that but, and this time I wrote it down and had her sign the promise, I agreed to this change, idiot that I was to believe she meant it.
Anyway, 2 months later I again reminded her and she said she’d do it. So we began the stopping part. But now, she didn’t want to stop cold turkey, but gradually. Again, since I didn’t detail how we’d do it, I agreed to another change, at least a change from what I assumed she meant. Some days, she lower it but other days she wouldn’t, even ENCOURAGING ME to smoke with her, “just this one, together”, “It’s only one more” or “two more”, etc. By the 6th month after the start date, I finally realized she wouldn’t live up to her part of the promise. And, now, I find out just how hard it really was to stop, especially since she was smoking and trying to encourage me to continue. In fact, it was impossible.
Now, 4 years later, I’m smoking MORE than she is!!! And when I talk of quitting with her all she has to say is, “See? See how hard it is to stop. NOW, do you understand?”
Don’t start, under ANY circumstances. I was always vehement about how bad smoking is and became a smoker nonetheless. Some lessons are learned too late.
Despite it all, I love her dearly. This is, really, her only negative, and now it’s mine too.
We all do silly things when under pressure Hun x
hun its okies…sometimes our heart kleads our headxx
massive hugs dont u dare feel stupid though hunni i hopeone day u will get the strength to give up just as u got to leave him and live without him xxx