The one thing I have found about being a mum is that it can sometimes be very lonely.
I can count on one hand the number of “real friends” that I have. You know those fiends who you could phone any time night or day knowing they will drop everything to be there for you.
The phone never rings, nobody ever just calls for a catch up anymore.
I used to have many friends, I was always doing something or going somewhere, since devoting all my time to being a mummy, many friends have become strangers.
Is it the fact I have so many children? Am I now no longer great at conversation? Is all my mummy talk boring to others?
I find no pleasure in going out and getting into such a state I can’t find my way home, the hangovers are so not what I need at 6am when baby wakes. I would rather have a cup of tea these days than a vodka. Yes I am a boring mummy.
Many of my old friends have a child, maybe 2 but definitely not 6. I can not just drop everything at home to go off on girly weekends and a trip to the beauty salon would be a luxury item to add to my wish list. I have never had my nails manicured nor have I ever visited a spa. I love the theatre but it has been many years since I watched anything other than Cbeebies.
I can not go girly shopping without spending half the day in the Early Learning Centre or Mothercare, the designer boutiques are no match for my beloved Primark. Spending £100 on a dress, what? That £100 would cover most of my weekly food shopping.
I have never bought myself new clothes for as long as I can remember, while all 6 children have enough clothes to clothe the entire school, I am limited to the faded pairs of jeans I bought 8 years ago.
Why? Because I’m a boring mummy.
I stopped getting invited to parties and shopping days a long time ago, maybe that is partly down to me always making excuses not to go. My children needed me at home.
I do look at old friends and its hard not to envy them when I hear they are going for a girls only holiday abroad or have a weekend booked at a spa. I would love to have the confidence to be that sort of person, but I am not. Leaving the kids for more than a few hours sends me into a panic, I start phoning home making sure they are OK.
Yes it can sometimes be very lonely when all your friends unfriend you because you become a mum.
About The Real Supermum
agreed – i do sometimes miss those days being able to do what you want when you want but i love my children more x
i agree with every word,and i thought i was the only one felt like that,ah well i glad i am not the only one .great post.
@divasupermum,
I think many mums feel this way x
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I agree 100% I feel very lonely. I could have cried twice today over the fact of making plans to go out on the very rare chance and then either the baby sitter cancels or the person cancels… Nights are the worst times do I go to bed at 8 and just wish it was morning or do I stay up and do things round the house..either way I dont speak to another person that isnt my little one till at least 10am the next day. Being single and being a mommy is defo one of the hardest things I have had to do.
Heck yes, I agree. Being a mom is terribly lonely, even when, especially when surrounded by small people who live in a world that is 2 minutes at time.
@Almostsinglemom, There is only so much little people talk you can take and sometimes I thrive for adult convosation – other than my partners
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I agree with you; since having a child, my friends seem to have dwindled away, and like you, I'd much rather stay in with my daughter than go out drinking; yet I reminisce about my days of freedom when I could go anywhere at the drop of a hat and not have to worry about getting home.
Tottally agree
And Its nice to know I’m not the only one.. Being a mummy is one of the hardest things to do but so rewarding.. If I do go out and feel even more lonely cause I cant wait to get home to my lo
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I find it lonely having just 1 I have 1 real friend. I suppose I have my oh to but that’s it sometimes I wish I could go back to the good old days but I look at my lo and realise how lucky I am
I feel like an old boring mum, ive got 4 kids and im 34, i have hardly any freinds and clothes well i live in the same rubbish and some of it my mum has. i wanna be able to go out and get myself new clothes
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agreed! all my ‘friends’ dissappeared when i found out i was pregnant, leaving me with one, she has no children so doesn’t understand why i cant go shopping every week or to the pub or leave the house when my son is poorly. I stopped getting invited anywhere a long time ago lol i wouldn’t have it any other way x x
i get my lonely days but then if my “friends” didnt want to stand by me then its there loss not mine! i have a very suportive family so if im lonely i got see them
x
i spend 90% of my time on my own. The only time i get adult company is at work.
My oh and i are just ships passing in the night mostly.
I cant even keep track of how much i cry over this.
I couldnt feel any more alone.
Some of these comments are so sad, it makes me want to have everyone round for coffee and a hug! It IS lonely at times being a mum, and however much I love being with my little girl I do sometimes miss the freedom of being able to meet friends for lunch at the drop of a hat, or making plans for a night out. But really I wouldn’t swap it for the world. And even though it’s not a ‘physical’ friendship, being able to chat to other mums through blogs like this, or through other networks, is a great way of knowing we are really not alone in the way we feel.
Lovely post x
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100% agree, the only real friend I have is one, the godmother of my girls. She’s the only person that hasn’t ditched me for becoming pregnant but instead congratulated me and was proud to call me her friend and my girls her godchilddren!! xxx
I completly agree, I feel like this a lot! You certainly do learn who your real friends are when you become a parent! I don’t miss boozy nights out or anything like that, but just a general chat over a cuppa & I don’t get that much anymore..as everyone I care about who are there for support are miles away! Ir is probably the main reason that I miss working! I wish I still had someone I could call my best friend! xx
i agree i harldy see my friends and when i do its do do there hairs then there gone again..most of mine have baby or baby on the way we have all grown apart which saddens me in a way only people i talk to is on emmas group although i love chatting to everyone and dunno what id do without it now
x
i agree with this, with my 1st i spent alot of time at mummy groups and meet other mums, i found it easy then, but then i went back to work full time, and now im on my 2nd, im finding it very hard to get back into the routine of going to the groups and meeting up, its very lonely… my oh works part time, so he is at home too alot, but its not the same as b4 when he worked 7am till 6pm, and i was at home doing the usual SAHM things, i enjoyed it more b4 x
I 100% agree with this post x x
It’s true. Especially when your not in a ‘couple’ . I’m a single mommy. I’d love for people to come round and have tea and a chat, no one does.
I stopped going to them. Why should I bother when they dont.
Thanks for posting xxxx
with supermums i dont feel lonely anymore x
being a mum is one of the hardest things in the world being part of this blog and emmas group has helped me not to feel aslonley and have somemuch needed support xx
Being a mom can be very lonely, which is why i am glad to have the group as a support network!
sometimes i felt very lonely but had a very good friend who had kids so we did alot together which kept me sane i would have been lost without her xx
agree completely, i think its wierd how when youre pregnant or not long after your lo is born u have all theses ‘friends’ around u and after a while they get bored and dont see/talk to you anymore x
totally can relate to this xx